“What *Pant* What just *Pant* The fuck *Pant* happened?” Ben panted.

“The woolf exploded.” Darryl answered.

“I know. *Pant* Stupid name by *Pant* the way.” Ben wheezed.

“I didn’t name it. That’s what the system said.” Darryl shrugged.

Ben didn’t say anything, probably more due to the sheer exhaustion caused by the pain than a lack of answer. The boy hadn’t moved from his spot, merely straightening himself while leaning heavily against the wall for support.

The boy was red. As in, completely and entirely dyed red from head to toe in woolf blood. No guts, no bones, just a paste a bit too thick to be blood that was eagerly used as an adhesive by the wool to cling to every spot of exposed surface. The woolf had quite literally exploded completely into goo for some reason.

It certainly hadn’t helped Ben recover from his nausea, that was for sure. Darryl meanwhile recovered quickly, still pumping with adrenaline and since having regained his expended energy.

He pulled out the woolf’s tooth that had been embedded into his shoe and stuffed it in his pocket, receiving an achievement of gaining his first piece of loot. He had received an achievement for his first kill too, as well as a few more nonsensical ones that didn’t yield actual rewards.

All in all, they had been sitting here for about two minutes now. Ben wasn’t near falling unconscious any more, but the boy’s recovery started to plateau it seemed. Meanwhile the three sheep stopped their slow chase when the woolf exploded, instead watching and waiting in such a neutral and bland way that Darryl could neither call it intimidating nor cowardly. They were just standing there, jaws chewing on grass that wasn’t there.

“Hey Ben.”

Ben wheezed something in response that was probably meant to be a “Yeah?”

“Now that I think of it, these sheep are kinda small. Not tiny small, but small enough that I can carry them. So like, lower range of sheep size, small.”

“Can’t say I’m *Pant* a sheep expert. Or that I care.”

“No, I mean…” Darryl struggled to find the right words to explain his thoughts. “I meant I probably could’ve just picked up the woolf by its woolly sides during the struggle, or at least while I was standing, instead of the struggle we had before. There was no real need to fight the way I did.”

“Whoop-di-fuck-you-too.” Ben said.

“I’m just saying, they aren’t that dangerous if you can lift them up and prevent them from getting too close. Not much they can do if you do that, I think.” Darryl said. “And you get a lootbox for killing them, so you should probably kill one too.”

Ben glared at Darryl. “Hello? Leg? Not really in a position to fight.”

“Yeah, I know.” Darryl said, and then sheepishly chuckled when Ben’s glare told him the boy didn’t get his idea. “I mean, you can just keep sitting there, I lift up the next woolf and bring it over to you, and you kill it.”

“Ah, like that. I’m not sure if-” Ben said. “No, you’re right. We don’t know if we ever come across foes that will grant us an easy way to get my first kill. Hell, with my leg I might not be in fighting condition for days, maybe weeks. Best to get that lootbox if we can.”

Darryl nodded and walked to the sheep watching them. Though they turned to face him when he tried to circle around them, a little jump-dash royally sufficed to beat the sheep’s slow turning. Darryl grabbed the sheep by its woolly sides, the near round form of the sheep indeed providing a thick fur that gave plenty of hold for him, and he lifted it up.

The sheep poofed a brownish yellow dust, covering the hallways with it in a matter of seconds and catching Darryl off-guard. He immediately felt a bit dizzy and weak, but chose to hold his breath and persevered hauling the sheep. If it would transform into a woolf with free movement, the whole struggle for life and death would begin again.

Shleep, lvl2

These sheep looked at Bill Cosby and laugh at his puny skills. When their knock-out spores are released upon unsuspecting crawlers, they take down the whole party before going to town on them. Well, they and their sheep friends, that is, as all sheep-like creatures are immune to their spores. And they always bring some friends to their gangbang.

You’re no sheep though, so they probably already started gutting you by the time you finished reading this message. If you even got this far, that is. Hm, looks like you did. Congratulations on resisting their spores, seems like you get to die by some other monster’s tricks some other minute.

“Hm.” Darryl said. Seems like it was a completely different creature. Well, doesn’t matter, this just meant that killing it should be easier for Ben.

Continuing to hold his breath, Darryl walked through the knock-out cloud and to the bathroom. The cloud seemed to be very limited in size, stopping in an almost perfect line without looking too unnatural. The bathroom was outside that radius, fortunately.

The shleep was smoking more of the gas as Darryl carried it out of its initial area of effect, but it didn’t seem to carry the cloud with it or make a new one that quickly. It was kind of heavy though, especially considering Darryl was carrying its 50kg or so weight with outstretched arms without supporting it with his body, so he hurried.

“Ready?”

Ben hesitated, clearly none too inclined to kill a living being and doubly so when it couldn’t really fight back, but he raised the key that he retrieved from the ground. It was the closest thing to a weapon they had, unfortunately, and it wasn’t as if the door it opened existed any more.

“Alright, let’s see if you can-”

The shleep exploded the moment that Darryl moved it into the bathroom.

“Hm.”

“What do you mean, hm?! I was just starting to dry!”

Darryl shrugged, the movement made very uncomfortable by his blood-drenched clothes now clinging to his body. “Well, at least we’re wearing matching outfits now.”

Ben didn’t like the joke.

“Well, at least now we know why the woolf exploded. Must be a bug with the bathrooms.” Ben said.

“Right. It does make for an easy way to gain xp without killing them myself.” Darryl said. “I think I-”

“I’m really tired though, and in a lot of pain. These things don’t seem to drop any loot, at least not when they explode. Not really eager to get bloodshowered a few more times, either.” Ben said. “Can we go look for one of those tutorial guides now, so I can at least ask whether there are any healing items in this game?”

“That way I can stay behind if I turn out to be dead weight.” Ben softly murmured after a moment.

“Don’t talk like that, we’ll get that leg fixed up in no time.” Darryl said determined.

Ben just shrugged and got on Darryl’s back.

*** ***

The sheep seemed to be a local foe, Darryl found out as they ran into (and gave a wide berth to) two more groups of the creatures in the next few minutes.

There were also rats, which seemed to be more aggressive in attacking them. Darryl had to awkwardly fend those off by kicking them, not easy with a teen of no negligible weight on your back, after which he got an achievement for killing something by stepping on it.

The achievement seemed odd, the always enthusiastic voice giving a silver loot box and the definition of some kind of foot fetish yet with something dismissive and disinterested in their tone. They usually seemed so overly enthusiastic about even the most mundane things, yet now the narrator was doing his job half-heartedly as if he wasn’t even paying attention.

Well, it didn’t matter. The rats were unnaturally aggressive, but clearly a simple foe not meant to be unmanageable. And fortunately they weren’t appearing in great numbers.

It took almost half an hour before they finally stumbled upon a sign that wasn’t for a bathroom, which appeared to be pretty much everywhere. A safe room. Not the tutorial guide they had been looking for, but it was something.

Stepping in, they were met with an ordinary Kentucky Fried Chicken whose writing appeared to be in German. The view wasn’t what Darryl was hoping for, rather it was nothing but a dark stone wall directly behind the glass. And the person behind the counter clearly wasn’t human either.

Darryl walked in and carefully parked Ben onto one of the benches before exploring further, starting with the first non-hostile creature they met since entering this place.

The creature was a hairy humanoid dressed in a cheap uniform matching the setting but seemingly tailor-made for them and standing on a stool to peer over the counter. Only his eyes and nose peeked out from his green-hint black hair, but they were watching him intently.

Bellar – Bopca Protector.

Level 58.

Caretaker of this saferoom

This is a Non-Combatant NPC

Bopca Protectors are magical, gnome-like creatures who exist solely to watch over Safe Rooms. They do everything from scrubbing toilets to preparing your food. They are surly, smelly and they never wash their hands.

“Hi, Bellar.” Darryl said somewhat hesitantly.

“Hello crawler.” Bellar immediately replied with a Russian accent. “You want food?”

“Yes.”

“What?”

“What do you have?”

“What do you want?”

…

“Well…” Darryl said. “Surprise me. Chef’s special. Nothing too spicy, though.”

“Coke and fries! And nuggets! It’s free, right? So make it a big bucket! No, King-sized!” Ben shouted.

“Is all?”

Darryl nodded, and Bellar immediately turned around to get to work. With the social interaction taken care of, Darryl studied the tv screens where the menus usually were.

Countdown until level collapse:

4 days 19 hours.

Countdown until the premiere of Dungeon Crawler World : Earth

1 day, 1 hour, 7 minutes.

Remaining Crawlers:

6,235,029.

Damn. Over half the people that had entered this place were already dead. That was- That was a lot more than he thought, and a lot faster. The number was dwindling as he looked at it, hard to comprehend that each blurry digit was a person dying.

The second screen was a Leaderboard which wasn’t active yet, and the third one gave information on the Saferoom they were in. There didn’t seem to be anyone else in here.

There were three entrances to this place. The one back to the dungeon, one to private quarters that appeared to be locked until the fourth level, and one to rooms for hire. Trying the handle, Darryl found this door locked as well.

He returned back to Ben, who seemed a lot better than when Darryl picked him up before. Though still drenched in blood and wool, what little skin was showing seemed less pale and sweaty.

Ben himself seemed to be more enthusiastic again, his eyes roving over the place eagerly and his smile having returned.

“So, this place is nice.” Ben said. “There’s food, water and beds. Certainly not the worst place to leave me behind.”

“Ben, I already said this before, I’m not leaving you behind.” Darryl said.

“You literally have to carry me around, wearing us both down while your hands can’t be used for combat.” Ben said. “We’re never going to find a tutorial guild that way. If you were to leave me here, though, you can look for one and then come back for me once you found it. That would be safer and smarter for the both of us.”

“That’s… That’s fine, I suppose.” Darryl conceded.

“Of course it is. And I can gorge myself on infinite free food in the meantime. Win win.” Ben said with a cheeky smile. “Now, you go look for something you can turn into an improvised weapon.”

“I don’t know if I’m allowed to just take something from here.” Darryl said.

“You might die if you go back out there unarmed.” Ben countered. “That guy behind the counter didn’t look that strong.”

“Bellar is lvl59.” Darryl said. “I don’t think we want to anger him.”

That gave Ben pause, before angrily muttering something under his breath. “Really, unbeatable NPC’s? Freaking railroading…”

A few minutes later, Bellar appeared carrying two plates. He placed some delicacy in front of Darryl that he lavishly described in three sentences, before throwing a plate in front of Ben with a dismissive “Fries and Coke”.

He then retreated back to the kitchen, emerging from it a moment later carrying a bucket as large as himself. The bucket was literally big enough to fit a young child in, and filled to the brim with chicken nuggets.

Ben was genuinely at a loss for words when it was presented to him, looking at it as if it was the holy grail. Darryl was surprised too, but opted to eat his meal before it would go co-

Whatever he was thinking before melted away with the first bite. This food was heaven on earth, better than anything he ever tasted. The smell and texture working in perfect synergy with the taste in ways that he didn’t even think were possible.

Darryl ate, not emerging from his daze until his whole plate was empty. When he was finished, he found that Ben was gorging himself on the food as well. Clearly the fries weren’t prepared with any less skill despite the dwarf’s dismissive attitude to the order.

After letting the food settle for half an hour, Darryl got back up and headed out.