Chapter 93 – Slowly Emptied

The City of Lugenstan changed so much just in the few days. Battles one after another, the city went from a peaceful near-border city into a war zone. Ramiel saw the change that happened in the city. So much blood was spilled that everyone that he either somehow greet at least once was now dead on the ground. As a healer, Ramiel was forced to listen to the dying wills of the others.

Ramiel one by one listened to their dying woes. It hurt Ramiel a lot when they would look at him with such pitiable eyes. As a healer, he was expected to save them right in the spot. But seeing a child not even past three years old look at him with begging eyes, telling him if he was going to die made Ramiel speechless.

“Am I going to die here, big brother?”

Those words made Ramiel feel like he wanted to do something for the child. For once he wanted to do something right in his life and save that little kid. But, it was a useless effort. The kid was already dying, and Ramiel just told the little kid to sleep, telling him that he will be okay.

That was a lie. Ramiel got slapped as he tells that lie right at the face of the kid’s mother. That mother was angry at her child’ death and Ramiel can understand that.

That is why he didn’t say anything and sucked it up. But that child wasn’t the only one that Ramiel would send off at towards death. He would meet a lot more that would be screaming in pain. Their woes, their heartbreaks, and the worst of all their hopes towards Ramiel that he would be able to save them from dying, but sadly, Ramiel wasn’t that capable of saving them from their wounds, not to mention he cannot do anything without the patient fighting for their life too.

So one by one, they went away. And their families were laid heartbroken on how their life could end just like that. And Ramiel the healer with a lot of blood on his hands felt increasingly broken at the efforts. And even though his body is aching, rusty, over overcasting his spells. Ramiel didn’t dare to just rest in the sidelines. He suddenly felt obligated, but even so, he didn’t let that ‘obligation’ cloud his thinking. Heck, he even now wanted to escape this place because the place was too cruel for him.

He doesn’t want to do anything other than live peacefully. Yet here he is, trapped in another world, forced to see people die right in front of him because he wasn’t good enough on something he thought he could do. He was a pretentious doctor, and Ramiel believes that he shouldn’t have done this. But even so, somewhere inside Ramiel’s head, a craving for wanting to at least save someone bloomed. So when he was accompanying the Guild Master in the walls of the city, he saw the ‘Witch’ that the people of the city were betting their life on getting shot down.

And as that witch got shot down, Ramiel saw that the witch was none other than Dall herself, apparently, she was a ‘Regina’ that was one of the original witch’s counterpart. And the Guild Master and most of the Fighter’s Guild already know that she was a witch, except for Ramiel.

The Guild Master, however, told Ramiel that to never discriminate towards Dall. Ramiel had no plan to do so, no it would be more correct to say he was indifferent to what Dall is. After all, when Dall got shot down, and her ‘identity’ revealed, the one thing that was on Ramiel’s mind was to save her. She looked like she was half-dead like the ones that died on him, so he was eager to save her. That is why before he knew it, he rushed at Dall’s side and tried to heal her immediately.

He noticed that there was a loud commotion, and when he glance a bit, he saw the guild master deflect a bone spear out of nowhere. He felt the shockwave, but oddly, Ramiel didn’t give a single care and focused on healing Regina. In his head, all he thought was heal, heal, and heal. As if obsessed to prove himself that he can do better, Ramiel didn’t care much for appearance and even told Dall embarrassing things.

This made Dall feel complicated but Ramiel would never know that. She mistook it for kindness, while in actuality; Ramiel only wanted self-assurance to himself that he isn’t useless. But in the end for Ramiel, Dall’s wounds were too heavy, so she was taken by the guild master to be healed through of one Guild’s precious treasured potions.

And once again, Ramiel felt like he wasn’t able to do anything. On top of the wall, he felt time slow down. His vision tunneled as if the world turned dull on him. Ramiel felt so empty inside, which made him just lifelessly stood up, stared at the fort without any light on his eyes. He felt like there was someone staring at him for a moment, but he ignored it as he follows the guild master with his body feeling drain and rusted.

His leg hurt more than usual, he felt like his limbs were out of fluid, and the worst part is that his ailments were acting up again. He was feeling pain just by walking, and the burning like sensation along with the feeling of needles piercing his cursed leg, made Ramiel wanted to scream.

But Ramiel didn’t. He got used to the pain already, but even so, he walked as if normal. Not whining, not complaining, just sucking it up, and keeping everything inside without any complaint. Ramiel thinks that no one would even understand anyway. So Ramiel, as he was as always, choose the path of isolation and selfishness, as natural as he always does. Not because he wanted it, but because doing so would keep his mind intact.