he sat at the desk with a million computer screens before her, flickering and illuminating her in the dark room

they are all so easy to put to sleep

it is when they are awake that it all goes awry

blinking the exhaustion from her eyes once more, she slid her fingers over the keys

clack clack, click and a clack

From here, there is no going back

muffled cries from around everywhere at all sorts of times sang out in horrid, excruciating pain

in their minds, they could not understand what appeared to be occurring

the loss of a million mothers, a million fathers, a million daughters, a million sons, and so so much more than that

all in the wing of a butterfly

In the midst of this eternal agony, she slipped on the headset and screamed into the microphone

DOES IT MAKE SENSE TO YOU ALL NOW

DOES IT MAKE A LICK OF FUCKING SENSE

CAN YOU HEAR ME

CAN YOU FEEL THE ACHE AND SUFFERING AS IT ENVELOPS YOU

she ripped off the headset and threw it at one of the screens in front of her

the computer cracked, not broken, weakly whining and begging

tears were dripping down her face now, and the wires hooked up to her arms and chest felt so much heavier than before

she had hardly noticed them before, and for a moment, her chest was heaving as she violently gasped for air

we only learn by pain and experience

only by mistakes and loss

she collapsed and fell back into the chair

she really had done it now

in her desperation, hardly able to breathe or scream, she faded away

nothing left but an empty chair

(November 2020)