stuck unmoving in that dark space

crawling and gasping as the smoke fills your eyes your lungs and your heart

choking breaths as call you out into the abyss

beating in your chest you coughed out another desperate scream

a cry for someone to hear

is anyone there?

you're still here. still struggling to move underneath the billowing air

there was little consistency in your memories aside from the struggle to breathe and smell of smoke

had you yelled already? Maybe one more time

wheezing and creeping and still the darkness sat on your back, clawing deeper into you

stinging pain and the bad blue vision returned

Dad?

memory of a memory of a dream and a long long time ago

tastes metallic in my mouth

this wasn't real

dreams fade and pulse and push like the tide

coughing and spitting out the drug in your lungs again

Stop struggling

pushing against your skull again, the gun was loaded

bitter metal in my mouth take these blue eyes away again

none of this is real

i don't want to ever leave

LET ME GO!

you ran into the fiery smoke away from the blue light

106 times you had done this but for once you were successful and you leapt onto the moving train

it rattled under your feet and you looked back watching everything burn

over now and again

over now and again it will end again

someone pushed you to the wall, knife to your throat

gun to the head

again like before

and again you ran away again far from it all

alas you hear someone calling your name

turned around and took a glance

NOT AGAIN

run fast molly run quick

what do little girls run from, molly?

the bugs were your problem, it was the feelings of blue that tempted you to take the plunge again

inject isolate and attack

forget about molly

and so you abandoned her at the streetlamp.

(July 2021)