call to call for an ancient dream

feels like

(i feel like)

i feel

not me

wanna know her hands

but what does this mean?

she's no more real than god is

(for He is not there, never has been for me)

need to prove myself, feels like (i feel like) a man

insecure and afraid to be laughed at

so strange, strange that i want to touch her thighs

(but she isn't real, she's a goddamn fantasy)

i need to be strong, need to push and force and punch and fight

and

shoot

my

way

out

like something vicious, pushed to the brink of being someone im not

im not a prince but i want to be

im not a gunslinger but i want to be

but i don't want to be a man! im happy in my skin! this is my home and im trying to make it fit me! (me!)

something about sirens something bewitches me

and terrifies me

im already in love im already happy i dont need to prove myself

but i must--i have to shoot (bang bang)

and i have to run

i have to go go and im scared

someone following me long dark shadow

if you get any closer bastard ill fucking show you who wins this standoff

ill cleave your eyes from your skull

but you gotta, i gotta be tough

gotta, gotta do this aint no way aint no way round it

round it off, checked and recieved

gone again deep dark hole in a deep ocean drops and brine suffocates me

(me)

(December 2021)