laying in bed trying to remember

or trying to forget

dreaming about something that will never happen (isn't that the truth)

exhaustion in your chest

hold that hand, it wasn't real (wasn't my hand either)

sit up, head spinning

not on a swivel (instinct like an animal)

dizzying, like an ill human being

something as their poised shapes dance in your brain

a feeling, probably

but it leads to nothing (as per usual)

wrong thoughts, wrong hands and wrong face

disconnect from reality

wrong mouth, wrong eyes, and wrong tears dripping down your cheeks

disconnected from the present

arguing in your head, like mom and dad

not them though (couldn't be)

just you and yourself

perhaps more than those three

wasn't proper (of course not)

wasn't right (heavens no)

wasn't the way things are supposed to be

bad dreams are just like that

(waking nightmares are your fantasy)

(January 2022)