Arc 0: Prelude 19 - Shattered Home

home /həʊm/

the place where one lives permanently, especially as a member of a family or household.

A shrill cry resonated within the dark room.

Ragged breathing with an aching heartbeat; shattered sight from swollen eyes; dreadful panic and shivers from head to toe; erroneous thoughts kindling cold sweat; trembling hands barely functioning — the phone was still dialing.

But still… no answer ever came.

Another day without an answer.

Lauren was on the verge of shattering her phone into a million pieces, which was the only thing that still kept her on her feet in hope of reaching who she was looking for. She was growing weary of this meaningless chase that rendered her trapped within her mind.

However, she kept going. It was far too late to put a stop to it, even if nothing yielded results. There was only this one path in front of her.

Often she would think of rushing out of the house barefoot to search for Zachary and never return until she had found him.

Would it take hours? Would it take days? Would it take weeks? It didn’t matter to her. But the mysterious blizzard and her legs that lost their weight long ago would still stop her from standing up and pulling open the door to the outside.

“〔What do you mean no? I told you already, dammit, I don’t know where I left it.〕”

Snatched away from her reality to another, she heard a voice echoing from the halls outside. It was a nasty voice that clearly belonged to a woman.

「Oh…」

“〔God, you were out drinking again? I can’t believe you.〕”

The other was that of a man’s voice.

It was a loud ruckus outside that seeped in with their gruff voices through the thin walls of the house. They seemed to be arguing with one another. The woman seemed to falter with her words, she was loud and erratic, while the man who tried to keep a firm appearance, lacked the power to raise terror with his voice — or rather he was tired.

“〔Pshh, stop making such a big deal outta it.〕”

“〔I’m… I’m not— I’m not making a big deal out of it. Why would I ever? It’s just our goddamn wedding ring. To hell with it! You somehow lost it while you were drinking your brains out in some good-for-nothing trash heap where you can’t tell the difference between a drink and a bottle of sewer water. But… no! I shouldn’t care.〕”

The man struggled to keep a firm tone, causing him to retort to dropping sarcastic comments here and there.

“〔No fun at all. You know what? If you just love to complain about a drink then here!〕”

*crash*

The sound of glass bottles shattering against the ground and the walls echoed in the house, they elevated the noise to a degree unimaginable. Perhaps even the neighboring houses were taking notice of what was going on. But, in all honesty, it was nothing of note to anyone who lived in that neighborhood. This was just another day for the Cherith family.

Her parents were back.

Not a day after their return from their trip and the arguments started again.

Despite the trip being an attempt to mend their relationship, nothing seemed to change.

Everything was still the same.

Her mother was still the terrible and neglecting alcoholic she was, putting herself before everyone and above all else. She would bicker about everything and anything that did not seem “right” in her eyes. Her father was still the family man who willfully listened to his daughter whenever she needed it and knew when to set boundaries. But he still lacked the power to hold back the chaos of his wife.

Lauren would wonder what forced her father to stay with someone like her mother for seventeen years. For all she knew, her mother was always like that, without love for others or herself. She never did a thing for the family, it was all Lauren and her father. So it was odd how she would still stick around despite all she had done (or hadn’t, in this case).

What kept her father from divorcing her mother? What kept her mother from not walking out the front door and leaving the family? The two were of contradicting nature.

And then there was the most tiresome issue of all: her mother’s alcoholism.

In the past, her mother was all for bickering and was seemingly the same as now, but back then, she knew when to pull back. She was still a foul woman with an even more foul mouth, that much was true, but she was calculated. She was much more composed and thoughtful at times. There was even a time where she acknowledged her daughter’s existence. However, those times were but faded memories in a plethora of dreams in Lauren’s mind.

A few more years went by and the unquenchable thirst for alcohol emerged within her mother. It puzzled both Lauren and her father greatly. Her mother was so detached from reality that she rarely had troubles or actually real-life issues like everyone else — more of being delusional than spoiled — so why she would claim to “drink to forget” was beyond anyone’s knowledge.

“〔Why do you have to be such a sourpuss~~?〕”

Following her mother’s words was yet again the sound of more bottles being smashed. It was jarring to the ears, even if Lauren was in a shut room away from where the actual argument was. She had grown accustomed to the quiet for a while that she had almost forgotten how clamorous it was with her parents around.

“〔Would you please stop?〕”

“〔I…〕”

Immediately after, her mother’s wailing filled the house.

“〔I’m sorry… Every time…〕”

Whether this was a genuine reaction or a facade her mother would pull to reel in sympathy, the answer was not clear, even to Lauren. But it worked every time.

“〔Hey… get up, don’t do this.〕”

“〔I… I’m very sorry…〕”

“〔Okay okay, let’s just get you up to your room.〕”

Even as her father complied, he still wasn’t to be taken for a fool. He simply desired no trouble, so he would often take the safest and smartest route to deal with things. The arguments were not short of those methods either. Despite the fact that the arguments would always render his emotions in disarray, he didn’t want to bicker further, he wasn’t even the one that started it.

“〔No no, I… I wanna see… my baby… I wanna see Lauren.〕”

“...!”

At that moment, Lauren felt her heart skip a beat. She wondered how her father felt as well. It was usual for her mother to break down after an argument or regret her actions as a way to “sober up.”

But that last part… was entirely bizarre. Her name rarely passed her mother’s tongue if not ever.

“〔... S-She’s asleep right now. Come on, let’s get you up.〕”

Her father’s response was a sound one, and yet it somewhat irked her. She was torn between the desire to see her mother with possible affection and the desire to push her away just like she pushed them all away once.

There was no possible way her mother would suddenly shift tone, especially towards her whom she never batted an eye to, be it the alcohol speak or the sobriety waking her up.

「I’m tired…」

Growing tired of everything, Lauren let out a deep exhale that was barely audible to the ears. She desired change. She wished for something new. An adventure down the rabbit hole into a wonderland, or a magical flight along with the dust to neverland was what she wished for. Pure fantasy. Be that as it may, if that fantasy was indeed true, there would be no taste to it without…

「…without him…」

She tightened her grip around the sheets to the bed she was lying on. The mattress to the bed was so soft and nearly engulfed anyone that touched it. It felt as if she could drown within it and find herself in an ocean, and that… was something she very much needed at the moment.

Before she had realized it, the house had gone quiet again.

There was no sign of her mother’s voice, or of her father’s voice. No sound of glass shattering ever came through again.

It was complete silence.

Even then, that was not surprising. This was always how the arguments would end.

At that moment, the door to her bedroom opened and a figure stood in the doorway. He was a man, seemingly in his forties, with a below medium build, neither too skinny nor too muscular but it was still clear that he would need a meal or two to adjust his appearance. Fatigue built up around his eyes, and yet he looked at Lauren with warmth. That man was her father.

Not in the mood for chatter, Lauren rolled to the other side of the bed and faced the desk — her bed was in the middle of the room after all, with the door just on the other side of it.

“Hey…,” her father carefully whispered, his tone maintaining a bit of affability.

But still, she would not utter a word. As much as she wanted to push him as much as she wanted to talk to him, her mind was fighting itself. She did not know why. One thing was for certain, she desired nothing from others until she got what she wanted, and that included her father — not that her mother ever talked to her.

Seeing as there was no response but subtle rejection from her, her father walked in and sat on the edge to the other side of the bed. Yet again, she inched further away from him, almost reaching the edge on her side.

“Are you… okay?” Her father asked.

“I’m fine,” she mumbled, but it was quiet enough that he was able to hear her.

「Now leave me alone.」

Why was she anxious? Why did she want to push him away? She didn’t know the answer. Every word he uttered would cause pain to throb in her heart. It was an irritating matter. So rather than willingly wanting to avoid her father, it was something done on instinct.

Still, her father persisted. “Are you sure?” He was not convinced, “It’s not like you to lock yourself in when I come home.”

Whenever her father returned after being away from home for a while, she’d shower him with greetings and chatter about what she did in school. Of course, it could be a matter of growing up and not seeing the fun in the little things. However, he believed she would not be the type to do that unless something else was troubling her.

“You know you can talk to me, right?”

「Just leave me alone.」

He sighed, “Not you too…”

“Gh…!” She grit her teeth before she raised her torso and turned to look at her father with anger. “Get out!!!”

“Huh?!” Her father quickly stood up in surprise.

“I said Get ouuuuut!!!!” She grabbed a pillow and threw it at her father as she screamed at the top of her lungs, “I’m tired of everything! Just leave me alone!!!”

“Lauren what is—”

Hellbent on pushing her father away, Lauren got up to her feet, grabbed the pillow off the ground, and threw it once again at her father, who was absolutely in disbelief at what was happening around him. She used up all her strength pushing him out of the room as he tried to reason with her. He was much taller than her but his weak physique was more than enough for her to overpower him.

Finally, he was out in the hallway. They stood facing each other. One with complete shock in his eyes, and one with hatred seething in her eyes.

“Sweetie please—”

“Why…” She muttered. Even as she spoke with clear madness, there were tears flooding her eyes, “Why won’t you hit me…?”

“W-What are you talking about? Why would I—”

“I hit you, that’s what I did! I did something wrong! I should be punished! But why… why won’t you hit me… why won’t you stop me…” She covered her face with her hands, holding back more tears.

Before her father could respond, she quickly shut the door in his face and dropped to her knees.

She was now all alone in her room, once again.

His comment had irritated her in a way unimaginable. She knew who he was comparing her to. Because that was how it always started — the downfall. Just a few more episodes of lashing out like that and she would end up just like that woman her father was comparing her to. He was comparing her to her good-for-nothing mother. That mother that hadn’t a care for the world to anyone but herself. That mother that was out of her mind almost all the time. That woman that would coat her lies with the spew of booze. That woman that pretended to still love her when she never ever did in the first place. That bitc—

“Why won’t you hit her…,” she sniffled, “Why won’t you stop her…”

「What am I doing…?」

For a moment, she stopped and thought about that question.

Even as she cried her heart out from her pent-up emotions on the floor, she was still perplexed. No matter how bad things were for her, she would never lash out at her own father. No matter what her mother did, she would never think ill of her. These thoughts weren’t her own. These actions weren’t her own.

「Why… why am I like this…?」

With no answer coming up in her mind, she stomped her grip and feet on the ground before she buried her head between her knees. She had reached the tail end of the agonizing journey within her mind.

「I… I just wish I could… I want to…」

It was then… that she felt the surface of a flimsy texture beneath her feet. She leisurely raised her head and looked at her feet. There were several sheets of paper scattered across the floor.

Lauren was puzzled.

No memory of papers being thrown ever came up in her head. But it was at that exact second that she remembered. Those sheets of paper were hidden right under her pillow, the one that she had just thrown a few minutes ago. So it was likely that they were caught in the “crossfire” and were scattered across the room, unbeknownst to her.

“Great… just great,” she silently scoffed.

Gathering herself up, she moved forward to collect the sheets of paper and bundle them together once more.

As she went on with the process, she tried to remember why she had them placed under her pillow instead of on her desk, or even in the drawer. Sifting through the pages, she vaguely had any memory of ever writing the words within them.

If one could forget what they had written for a story, they could never forget the words — never.

But no matter how many times she read through them, they were completely foreign to her. All that she remembered was that she had written them the night before, right as she laid in her bed with nothing but the dim light of the lamp in the room. What was also bizarre was the fact that these were handwritten in ink rather than being computer-generated, meaning that she had written them with a pen, which she rarely ever did.

A story that sprung up in a moment — an unlikely occurrence but not entirely.

With the way things were at the time, she would likely resort to throwing this “manuscript” immediately in the trash and moving on. There was no time to meddle with something so trivial.

Lauren felt a bit of unease in her heart though. She held the bundle of sheets in her hand and looked at it with a troubling gaze. There was no desire to write furthermore, yet that rejection and desire were eating away at her heart all the same.

「What… what would he do?」