Arc 0: Prelude 23 - To Reality

reality /rɪˈalɪti/

the state of things as they actually exist, as opposed to an idealistic or notional idea of them.

“Let’s jump off… just like the lighthouse!” Lauren said.

The world stood still with the mention of those words.

Yet only one thing started to move… it was the rain; the vigorous, endless rain. With the cold it was carrying in each droplet, it hammered down on the ground at a leisure pace as it grew faster and more with time.

But it didn’t matter, not to Lauren, nor to Zachary. There was something else at hand that pulled them out entirely of the world.

Lauren’s smile never faded, it only widened more with each passing second. And her eyes were perfectly still, staring back at Zachary with gleefulness.

“Heh, good one,” Zachary chuckled, “But I’d rather go to the lighthouse before jumping.”

It had been so long since he had been with Lauren that he had almost forgotten about her tendency to crack jokes. She often made jokes and teased him with them before. This couldn’t be any more different. Her sense of humor was always awful.

「Yeah… that’s it…」

And yet, her face was still with the same bright smile, stuck between happiness and emotionlessness, ultimately resulting in a facade of apathy and delusion.

Before Zachary could speak up again back to her, she turned her sight away from him and faced downward.

In a soft and toneless voice, she spoke, “I mean if you think about it, if we had drowned back then we wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t have destroyed your legs. I wouldn’t be in this... ‘depressive episode.’ We would’ve floated across the ocean together.”

「...」

“It won’t be as romantic but why not jump now?”

Finishing up her words, she widened her smile to a blood-piercing extent as she approached Zachary.

However, feeling uncomfortable from her presence, he quickly backed away.

“Lauren…,” his mind was jaded from this quick turn of events, “W-What’s wrong with you? This isn’t a joke!”

“No, it’s not…” Her smile had finally disappeared, leaving behind only an emotionless and senile expression on her face, which was all the more terrifying, “We’ve had our share of jokes together but this isn’t one.”

“Stop it…”

Lauren faced downward, “... You left me… for three weeks…,” her lips quivered, her grip tightened. A feeling of aggravation crawled all over her body, “Three. Whole. Weeks. Not a word. I was lost, Zach! I was confused and sad, and angry and bitter! You had your fill… and you left me…!”

Before long, tears were dropping down from her eyes, sharing a path with the rain. They were ever so lost just as she was.

Even though her voice was barely loud enough to make it an argument, her sudden reaction felt like one, and Zachary knew that well. From the moment she showed up, there was something off about her. She seemed happy, and yet not. She seemed to be here, and yet she wasn’t. It was all very clear. He knew it well and it left him speechless once again.

He just lacked the answer to why.

“...L-Lauren…,” he tried to comfort her.

But—

“YOU LEFT ME!!!” She stood up and shouted at the top of her lungs, rejecting his aid, “YOU WEREN’T THERE WHEN I… when I…”

Losing strength both in her voice and herself, her legs collapsed on the ground, leaving only her arms to support her.

“Day in and day out…,” she still carried on, “...you never answered. You never got back to me. Even when I stopped going to school, you never asked about me.”

Zachary stood baffled at Lauren’s sore sight and wondered how quickly she had reached that state. While he was off to find himself a greater purpose that would leave him enlightened, she was left alone to trample in the mud and descend down a pit she could never recover from.

She wrapped her arms around her body as if she was embracing herself, and waggled from side to side, “I was all alone… No one listened to me.”

It was almost laughable how twisted their fates had become.

Zachary lied speechless once again. He didn’t know whether to grab Lauren and tie her up before doing anything maddening or simply comfort her.

The words she spouted were gut-wrenching as much as they were shocking. Her actions were all completely erratic, there was no way she was ever in a sane mind. This wasn’t Lauren.

Angered by the silence, she slammed her fist to the ground, “No one listens to me…!”

“W-Wait n-no,” he tried to salvage what he could, “I-I’m listening. I… I’m here.”

All of a sudden, the tears stopped and her voice faded. She sat there on the ground, staring at nothing, not even paying attention to Zachary who leisurely took his time to approach her.

Yet nothing happened.

She didn’t move or flinch for a second as if her body had gone completely petrified.

But then she looked at Zachary. Her face was as pale as the moon. Her eyes had all life removed from them. Her lips were deprived of any color.

Everything about her had become entirely colorless.

“...I’m tired…,” she said in an apathetic tone.

“Alright,” Zachary approached her, he dreaded for anything unexpected to happen to her. Something was clearly off about her behavior, and if anything, this was the worst place she could be at in a state like this, “Then let’s get you back—”

“NO!!”

With all her might, she pushed him away and stood up in a hysterical manner.

「That hurt…」

Before he knew it, she was standing on top of the ledge.

Her figure, against the giant shade of twilight, almost offered a picturesque scenery, but not a single thing to be admired about it remained or ever existed, to begin with. Both her hair and dress fluttered with the wind. Yet despite everything, with the shadows covering her face, extinguishing what light it had left, she still smiled.

It was at that moment that Zachary felt his heart completely cave in.

His mind wavered to horrible outcomes that he didn’t want to ever imagine come true. But anyone with a sane mind could easily determine what her actions were leading to, what her position and movements meant. This was never Lauren.

This was someone who completely shredded all sense of reasoning.

“L-Lauren,” he took a deep breath before grabbing his feet to the ground, “What are you doing? Get down from there!!!”

“I already told you, Zach,” a smile was drawn on her lifeless face.

This was someone who lost sight of their life.

“I’m tired! You’re tired! I just want some rest.”

This was someone who could no longer grasp all life.

“I want to leave! It’s so suffocating with everyone.” Her face lacked any emotion, yet she was smiling. “Everyone is just…” She crumbled her head to her torso, as if she suffered agony, before quickly returning back to form with that same dreadful smile, “They’ll take your world. They’ll take your mind. They’ll take your dream. They’ll take all you know. They’ll take your heart. They’ll take your life. They’ll even take your death. They’ll take everything from you and cut you down all for the catharsis of keeping you where they think you belong. To keep the ‘you’ they think you want. Nothing is ever yours. We were never allowed to truly live. Tell me, Zach. Isn’t that what you once thought? Isn’t that what you desire? Isn’t that what you taught me?”

“I…,” Zachary felt his chest tighten.

「What the hell is she talking about?」

She spread her arms at their respective ends, flailing them around as she tip-toed with joy across the ledge like a child playing hopscotch.

“Tell me,” she spoke with a cheerful tone as she continued her little game, “How many times did the butterfly flutter?”

“W-What… What?” He tried to keep in his stutter.

“It fluttered once,” she took a step, “Above an ocean of lilies.”

With her arms still up in the air, balancing her weight, she took another reckless step.

She laughed, “It fluttered twice, within a blackthorn storm,” followed by another step, “It fluttered thrice, beyond the field of daffodils.”

“Lauren, this isn’t like you!” Zachary stomped his foot on the ground.

“Oh come on,” she halted her step before lending out her hand for him to grab, “You stop being a sourpuss and join me!”

“N-No!” He instinctively uttered, “I’ll never do that!”

Following his words, her smile faded as she put her hand away and turned to face the outside. “Fine then, I’ll just go on my own!”

「No…」

It was a sight unbelievable to the eyes. She was going through with what she claimed she desired.

And so, she raised her feet off the ledge—

“L-Lauren!” Zachary screamed.

「Just reverse it… reverse it all.」

He fell in panic. Not an idea came to mind on what he should, or whether he should do anything at all.

But that was when he realized… The step never happened.

Lauren was still standing on the ledge. It was no sick vision or a hallucination. She stood there with all of herself, living and breathing, but never to move or take a step, as if the entire world fell to a halt.

There was still a chance.

“L-Lauren!!” He desperately called out to her.

To his surprise, she responded with a tilt of her head in his direction. Her eyes seemed different from before, there was still a glimmer of light within. But her face told a different story unlike anything before, she didn’t speak, but one could immediately tell how she fell completely oblivious to what was around her.

“L-Lauren, please,” he struggled to maintain a straight voice from the fear clearly clouding his mind, “Come back… This… this isn’t a joke!”

Wanting to seize this opportunity, he stretched out his arms and carefully walked over to where she was. He was going to catch her. He must catch her.

「No…」

It was then that he noticed the gradual shift in the expression on her face. There was sweat dripping from the side of her forehead. Her entire body seemed shaken.

Lauren was scared.

“Z-Zach?!” She called out to him in a terrified voice. Her cold, emotionless tone from before seemed almost non-existent.

“Yes, yes, it’s me,” he felt glad to see her call him in that manner.

All that happened prior to this “change” seemed to be but a mere dream to her as if she was asleep and now she had awoken. If that was the case, it would most likely explain the shift in personality. It was not something to be easily faked, and Zachary knew Lauren, she wasn’t capable of pulling such an act.

“Now get away from there,” he said as he proceeded toward her.

“What… What am I doing here? Why am I here?”

With the realization hitting her, she started to panic, and that never led to a good thing. She wanted to move her legs and jump back in but they wouldn’t move. She was quivering and felt petrified at the same time.

“No, stay right there, I’ll come get you,” Zachary commanded. He could not have her move or do anything that might cause—

“W-What do you mean by that?” She cried, moving her quivering, weak legs, “What’s going on here?”

“I’ll tell you everything, just don’t move!”

“Zach…,” she said, “H-Help me… please…”

But then…

…the unexpected happened.

The wind faded and the rain halted — eternal desire.

The hearts wailed and the minds wavered — eternal cry.

The girl slipped and the dream slept — eternal sorrow.

The world stopped.

And so came the end of Lauren Cherith.