Creating something new, day 31

Kari's thoughs

Robert understood my game a couple of hours after breakfast. With Iselin away for hopefully four nights and Ciara having had him by herself on their voyage, for the next few days he was mine.

It isn't much of a game, as Iselin of course is his favorite, and as long as Ciara thinks we fulfill what she considers our duty to Robert, she's satisfied with his sexual company once each two weeks, as long as she's close to him. I'm starting to suspect that Iselin is a dangerous player if she wants to, but that she's playing a completely different game and has done so since her first night with Robert. I'm just not sure what her game is, and what it means for the rest of us, but I'm thankful she's not playing to have Robert to herself.

But even if neither Iselin nor Ciara care about participating in my game about Robert, it's nice when someone understands that you've won. Especially when it's Robert, because he's often the target of my game, and part of this game was to pretend that I was hesitant about the voyage. That I, just like Robert, don't like sailing, only helped my acting and plan.

Five weeks since I became Robert's concubine. Since he became my husband. And I'm so grateful for that. I doubt that Freya really exist, and she may never have existed, or was just a world traveler like Robert a long time ago, but I have still sacrificed animals to her for just the chance that she contributed to my happiness. I never imagined that I would truly love my husband so much, and especially not so fast. Also didn't think that I would enjoy sex with my husband so much, and wake up sweaty from my dreams when we don't share a bed - and damp between my legs. Its slightly ironic that I've started to wear panties with a small cloth against my skin when I sleep, but not because its that time of the month.

But it is also nice to just be close to him. It is as he says; it's not all about sex as much as having someone close, and it's nice to sit beside him and translate his math book. Just knowing he's there, and if I want I can hug him or just let my hand wander, seeking his touch. I've realised that happens without me really thinking about it. I appreciate those moments when he give my shoulder or neck a soft sensual kiss, asks how it goes as he hugs me from behind, or starts massaging my neck and head if I stretch. It always makes me smile and I just relax and enjoy the feeling, and that's why he keeps doing it.

Because it makes me happy.

I just wish he more often would let his hand slide down my neckline, caress and play with my breasts while he lets his lust take over, so we could continue on the table or floor, or just hungrily push me against the wall. We don't always get what we wish, and I love to feel that intimate sensual contact I didn't know I was missing, and now I never want to loose it.

Hillevi and Gunhild were my guards and friends, but guards first and it was more that we were comfortable in each others present, because we had to be, and there was never any hint of intimacy or sensuality about it. We were just friends. Aquaintances. Its so different with Robert. If I don't want to sit and work beside Robert - I don't need to. He gives us all the trust and freedom we want, and he doesn't hurry me to finish translating the math books, or that helping Iselin and Asta to make their own copies has taken up my time. But it's just nice to sit there and work beside him, and I understand why Ciara loves to do it. Its her favourite time. Well, after cuddling with him. I guess in that way, we have something in common. I don't think he understands that I could have completed the translation much faster, although I don't think he would care if he knew. He seems to like my company there with him, just like Iselin and Ciara, although not all at the same time. Just be there and small talk as we work and make plans, as long as it doesn't distract him too much. Enjoy the silence, and the moment.

His mind never stops churning, and the translation was just something we talked about when I rewrote the first one. And he's right; in order for more people to be able to learn the math and use it, the book needs to be available in more languages and in the future he would hire someone to translate it. So I offered to do it, as I'm good enough at Frigones to be able to translate texts, even if a native Frigones writer will find many mistakes. I said so to Robert, but he just laughed and said that spelling mistakes are less important then that the information the book contains comes through correct. The feeling when he suggested that I write my own name as the translator under his on the first page was .... satisfying, and I took it as an excuse to reward my husband.

Now that the translation is finished, I look forward to translating more books for him, even if that measurement and drawing book as he calls it, will be difficult to get right. So many terms I don't know so I have to translate descriptions more than the word, but Robert says that some words probably doesn't exist in Frigones, so I can occasionally just use the ones he has already written with a description of its meaning. Thats what he did when translating it from his to our language. Loan words between languages are common in Midgard, and when I think about it, to some extent the same applies here. If what Robert introduces is new to others as well, then his words and symbols for it will probably start to be used, especially if he spreads books with it. Just like with a few in the math book. I wonder how he plans to make 'machines' write books. If he manage to influence more to learn to read and write, and produce books in all kinds of subjects, it will change a lot of peoples lifes. It will make it easier to learn something, without having someone show and teach it, and it might motive people to learn to read and write so they can learn from the books. Its a circle where one affect the other back and forth, and its such an small idea, with huge impact in the long run. We live in interesting times.

I smile as I find myself playing with my necklace again. I love the star sapphire necklace Robert gave me. Its not the most expensive necklace I own, but it is from Robert and very unique, and also so special in how it feels compared to my others. The necklace is so very much Robert, and I love wearing it. Different, comfortable, luxurious and special, and its not metal so that it wouldn't remind Ciara of a slaves neckring. The resemblance to Ciara's distinguishes us as Robert's concubines, as only his, and more special than any other mans concubines. Iselin have given slightly jealous looks at our necklaces, and I let her try mine, but I don't think Robert will order one for her without her specifically asking for it, and Iselin won't ask as she isn't a concubine, and she doesn't want to take it away from us. She also loves her necklace with gold and emeralds, and not just because it is significantly more expensive and must be worth more than ours together. Its from Robert. We all want to be special to Robert in our own way, and we love our gifts. As Iselin said while point to Ciara; we all like to know that we have comfortable niches in his life that are just ours, and we protect them the best we can, and avoid intruding on each others.

Robert has begun to gain an impressive reputation among the powerful and rich. First with the declaration the King made to support the Academy and its building, and that he made Robert his own ruler, with a special title. Then the duel increased it. Iselin's installations of sundials have made it clearer, and also that Robert's mystique increase even more because he stays in the background. With rumors and mystique comes curiosity, which is only heightened by the fact that Robert avoids socializing, and he doesn't show up at feasts or seek contact with the rich and noble. In that way he solidify is status as a Sejdmann before a noble. A man above worldly riches or allure. A man beside the normal social structure.

The voyage have given Robert time to think. Have new ideas - and he's drawing and making plans for a lot of projects, and we will probably visit Borgarsandr again tomorrow. To visit his kind of people. Craftsmen and craftswomen. Its the people he have talked to the most, and among the craftsmen in the city, Robert has already earned a special status. If he shows up somewhere, the craftsmen will do their utmost to do what he desire, well and quickly. He doesn't skimp on silver, and if he has started using a craftsman and got the work done as he wished, he continues to give them work. They get interesting work, become richer and more famous, because Robert only care about good craftmanship.

But what really made the craftsmen like Robert, is that he doesn't behaving like a rich powerful man, but more like one of them, without believing he knows their profession better than them. He treats them very well, and isn't unpleasant or demands things just because he can, or thinks he can. He respects and treats them as equals, because he truly sees them as equals, and that is appreciated more than Robert understands. Especially by apprentices who he specifically makes sure to give praise. So they know he understands their work, and that he appreciate it. He even thanks normal slaves, men and women, and help load something up on the wagon without thinking about it. And then he often crouch down, or takes a knee when he's talking to children. So they're more equal and the child isn't force to look up to him. So he doesn't lord over them.

Its details like those that quickly spread when the common people talk, and it both solidify his status as a Sejdmann, and it gives him respect for his honor and honesty. No master will dare to take credit for what an apprentice has done if the work is for Robert, but instead gain respect if he is honest about it. No master will dare misstreat slaves if he does work for Robert, since Robert probably would take his work someplace else. And they don't know when Robert might show up, to check on progress or the works completion.

It's good that Robert has avoided nobility, because he doesn't have much respect for someone who he says 'thinks they're special just because they were born into rich or powerful families, where their ancestor did something good'. For most of the nobility, that is pretty much the most important thing. Which lineage they belong to, or what ancestors have done, instead of raising the pressure on themselves to do better with their better start in life. Or atleast try to be a good person. He really dislike people abusing power, just because they can or feel entitled too. It's interesting opinions, and as someone who has spent my life in the presence of powerful people - but as someone who only watch from the back and doesn't belong to nobility - I can only agree with Robert in his opinions. The nobility has grown stronger and stronger, and its hard to believe that only a couple of hundred years ago, there basically was no real nobility here in the north, as there was across the seas in the south. And now the nobility are trying to differentiate themselves from the public with special titles, ways etc. That they're inherently 'better', when most are not. There's so much ugly things happening when no-one important is around to see it, and so much greed, incompetence and power at the expense and suffering of others. But its a part of peoples nature. Slaves differentiate between themselfs, common people have slaves they lord over, and the nobility lord over the common people.

Robert is worried that he himself will end up like that eventually, or that his descendants will do so. Power corrupts, so he avoid using it. Keep it hidden in the background like some ugly thing. If he have to use his power he will probably see it as a failure. My husband is a truly good man, and I so wish to give myself to him in marrige and have children.

I wish that Robert will give me many children. But he doesn't want to complicate and burden our lives with pregnancies and children before the Academy is up and running, and has warned us that it will probably be difficult as he is a human and not an Elf. It's a healthy attitude, and we all love to 'practice' without having to worry, even though he's careful about planting his seed inside us. And beside being safer, it is easier to clean it up by wiping it off, or just swallowing. He has quite the opposite mindset of the common belief that a mans seed must be release inside the woman - otherwise the mans manliness has been 'cheated'. They all think that Robert is careful because Freya probably has blessed him that way too.

It feels good and comforting to know that I have a little piece of Roberts knowledge and craft inside me. Something he made by hand.

Robert has been clear that he wouldn't appreciate feast and certainly not marriage offers, and we do our best to decline and not offend anyone when we 'regretfully' have to say no on his behalf. Iselin has been very helpful, and together we have managed to steer clear of invitations to feast, and many more or less discreet requests if Robert might consider coming to visit, with the implied understanding that it is the first step in a marrige arrangement. Many have realized that Robert is a powerful high-status older unmarried man without heirs, and whos children will be the start of a new lineage, unbound to even King Aeriksson, and exactly what that might mean in the comming generations. Our peace will unfortunately not last, and some have been quite insistant already, and just during his recent trip to the Academy, two messengers appeared here to get an answer from Robert himself, but had to turn around. Its only a matter of time until he must start to socialize.

We've been trying to cultivate the true reputation that Robert simply is too busy at the moment due to the comming winter; with his mansion and the Academy's constructions, creations and sejd. That he has far to much to do, to spend time at feasts, and that he is a puritanical person. It helps that everything is true. We hope to give Robert a reputation of being selective about who he visit, so those he actually visits and spends time with get more respect, because Robert considers them worthy to spends his valuable time on. King Aeriksson is of course one, and Jarl Skiringe another, but an ordinary Storman or merchant shouldn't expect a visit.

But Robert has to attend some feasts to not be looked down upon by powerful prideful people, or get a bad reputation as a recluse, and we're getting close to the autumn feasts. When people celibrate a good harvest and feast to thank the gods. Robert will also have to hold feasts in the future, and he is not looking forward to that. I wonder how conscious it is that the pavillion for outdoor feasts, is as far away from his bedroom that is convenient, and in fact the primary feast hall is a completely separated structure from the mansion, instead of the focus of the building. But the staff area and the kitchen is also as far away as possible. Any noble who see it, will interpret that in a different way than why Robert designed it so.

All three of us were very pleased when Robert seemed appalled, disgusted and immediately sharply said 'No', when we told him that a family is trying to offer him their two young twin daughters as wives. Smart of the family, because it would be double chances for a male heir and a fairly effective way to lock out other families from Robert - which he certainly is aware of. But that wasn't why he immediately said no and made it clear that the discussion was over, and it is interesting how many different words he used that all apparently mean 'no'. How many Midgard languages does he know, and how well?

For now, he's clearly not a native Norse speaker, and finds it hard to understanding subtile meanings, but come spring I doubt most will be able to tell. Its also precious that he switch dialects without noticing.

Keeping other women away from our husband is unexpectedly easy when he is the way he is, and he has such strong opinions about free will, privacy, age, principles and what is 'morally right'. Robert actually feel real anguish because we're 'so young', especially Iselin who is 'only' 20 years old. My husband thinks that I'm too young for him - 22 years old and too young. He is planning so far in the future, how our lives will be in 10-20 years, and he is afraid that he won't be able to give us the life 'we deserve' when he has already given us so much and a life few can dream of. My wonderful husband is worried that he may not be able to sexually satisfy us in 20 years. What a contrast to all the men who think a women's sexual pleasure is inconsequential. He torments and struggles with his belief that a man should be faithful to his partner - and there are three of us. He accepts that and loves us all, but doesn't like how he violates his principles and opinions, and it was adorable when he tried to explain why monogamy is better for a society. He's probably right and I would have loved to have Robert as just my husband, but then I would never have had a chance against Iselin and that also applies to Ciara, so polygamy is better. Its funny that Iselin actually agree with us.

But my love for Robert only grows when I hear his anguish that there are three of us, and it calmed the worst of my worries about telling him how others look at us, and what his status means when it comes to wives and concubines. His reaction is a fond memory. We could see a uncontrolled shiver through his body, and we heard all those different variants of no again, and then the subject was closed, and he left to work in his room. So that it would be impossible for us to even discuss it. And he didn't want anyone of us in there working with him.

We know that there certainly will be one or two more women in his life as official partners, beside a personal assistant - but he will not look for them. Robert will probably never be the powerful man who sees a beautiful woman, and then uses his power to take her, or just make her his for one night. Had Robert wanted a certain lower status woman to be his, even if its only as an official mistress, then few would dare to oppose it, and most would feel honored considering his reputation. But he is not interested in conquering women, and we love his idea of spreading that he, as a Sejdmann, marries and takes concubines for love. Even when another woman joins our group, he will do his utmost to treat us all well, so we understand that we are special and dear to him.

Pretty servants will be good for our image, and it might actually be better to have younger maids in the mansion, as Robert will feel they’re far too young, not really adults, and he passionately loath the idea of eventually becomming the 'dirty old ruler forcing young innocent maids to his bed'.

More than any man we've heard of, Robert doesn't seem to be able to avoid taking care of all the women around him, nor does he seem to understand how others will interpret his gifts to the guards. But its so clear to us that he isn't trying to charm them to his bed - he is just too generous and wants them well. So he gives them chainmail and nice cloths too, and justify it by saying they're protecting him, and they need to look good. Which is true, but he could have lent the chainmail to them, or asked for another years service. But he is who he is, and he saw no reason to wait with the knives until at least the midwinter feast, because in his mind the knives were already theirs and it felt wrong to withhold them. As with his sejd, he just did it, without ceremony or showing off - and that was that. He doesn't really see the knifes value or status, as for him they're tools and intended to be used. We all guess that he had planed to give Alith and Bodil those swords too, but realised it would simply be far far too much. They're swords worthy of a King. Why else would he have them made, and then all of a sudden have no use for them. The sword just lays in a chest, in the corner of his room. Forgotten and ignored.

Alith probably wouldn't hesitated to become his concubine, but if he had asked their parents, surely everyone would gladly give their daughters to him, and no doubt as wives. Even Gunhild's stubborn brothers probably wouldn't dare to go against his wish, as they so far have done. No man even close to Robert's status has asked for her hand, and unfortunately no one will due to her age and lack of properties, which is ironic when Robert would feel better if we where her age, and he don't care about properties. She's likely to continue being his guard for the rest of her life, and she knows it.

But Robert's position as Sejdmann worries us - for Robert's sake. For his morals, beliefs and principles. I'm convinced he really doesn't believe in the Gods. That he rejects the whole idea with destiny weaved by the Norns, and any higher powers than ourselves, but he pretends to believe because he must. In the future he must show his spiritual side - show his faith that he doesn't have. It probably annoys him that he's forced to be dishonest about it, and I think thats the main reason he avoids doing his form of sejd to show off. Because to him it isn't sejd, and its dishonest in pretending it to be. He's adamant in making sure that we know that everything he does and shows us isn't really sejd, and that he can explain it, and in the future will try to prove it isn't. He don't want to be dishonest with us. But at the same time he understands that he needs to pretend about sejd and his belief, due to his status, especially as Sejdmann.

We're worried, because he probably doesn't know about rituals that Völva and Fjölkunniga are said to perform to Freya - more or less in secret - and some only between women, as there havn't been any sejd men who could participate. Gothi acts for all Gods, and Seerman sees the future.

But now there is Robert, and in the future he will need to get involved - especially when sejdwomen understands how he truly is. For how can a man so in line with Freya's views and aspects not be coveted by them? How can he be so incredibly blessed by Freya and not attend at rituals to Freya, or want to act as her earthly medium? We're worried about how he will cope with it, and how it will change our husband - because we have no solution to that problem.