Bob POV

It’s been an entire two weeks of babysitting those three. It’s so dull. Sure, I got to blow stuff up on the first day, but after that, I just had to sit back and make sure they didn’t blow themselves up. It’s a pity none of them did. It would have been one less head to keep track of. Oh, and that’s not even the worst of it.

No, the worst thing is that I could never enjoy my cooking in peace! Whenever I make a new or different dish that’s not ‘normal’, Serina just has to be a limp noodle and insult it… She called them abominations of all food kind. *Sniff* don’t worry lasagna tacos, I’ll always hold your delicious, cheesy, crunchy, meatiness in my personal cookbook favorites.

“Bob! Hurry up, you said we were going on an adventure!” Nathan shouts from the gates.

Right, I forgot to mention that the queen decided it was time to show them the sights, give them a little tour of the city, oh, and also get rid of a little gnoll problem in the nearby hills. Guess I better get going.

“Come on Hotdog.”

“Yip-Yip!” *sigh* She always knows how to cheer me up.

Along the way towards the gates, I stop by my room to grab my bag of shinies. I can’t buy food or kitchenware without shinies, afterall.

…

Okay then. Now that I have my shinies in hand along with Hotdog and the heroes, we’re ready to go adventuring!

“Gather round now. Nathan, Serina, Riley, I have one thing to say to you before we exit these gates. Around the city, it’s okay to look, but don’t be rude and stare, no matter how hard it is. If you ever get lost, just return to the central fountain by sundown and I’ll meet you there. Understood?”

“““Sir! Yes Sir!””” they chorused together. Aww, they look so cute dressed up in their assorted arms and armors.

“Just to be sure, you have your IDs, some food, water, and money, right?”

“Yes Bob.”

“Oh, and also a change of clothes, light camping gear, and toothbrush?”

“Yes Bob! Can we get going already?”

*Sniff* They grow up so fast.

“Okay. Open the gates! It’s time to get some food!”

As the gates open up, the heroes let out a collective gasp. Yes. Yes! Take it all in, my young padawans! The sights! The smells!

“THE FOODS!” “-ob.” Did somebody say something? I’m having a little deja vu moment here.

“Ahem, what? Did you say something, Nathan?”

“Yeah. I’m just amazed at all the different shapes and sizes of people here. Where do they all come from?”

“What, never seen a wolfman, dragonkin, dwarves, or elves before?”

“No, but why are they all here?” he asks. Odd, I could have sworn that we had a few beastkin working in the castle. Their fur is so soft. Fwue~ Petting their heads is pure bliss… No time to get sidetracked now, however. It’s edge-yu-ma-cation time.

“Well, I’m sure you’ve had some lessons on the Noodle Kingdom and surrounding lands from some mentors, right? So, take what you’ve learned these past two weeks and you tell me why they’re here.”

“But Bob, we want to know your thoughts on it. That’s why we’re asking you.” Riley chimes in from the side. Ooh, she’s crafty. I knew she was a sharp one. What the hey, I’ll humor them.

“Fine, but we walk and talk. Okay?” Once they all nod and we start walking around town, I begin.

“The Noodle Kingdom began its humble beginnings as a trade city, it being closest to the Northern, Southern, and Eastern lands. Ignore the West for now as it’s called the Barren Lands for a reason.

Anyways, the Noodle Kingdom is a trade city as I was saying, so it stands to reason that all the various races would converge here, right? There’s beastkin that live almost anywhere, elves that live primarily to the south and south-eastern lands within the forests but there are a few groups of dark elves towards the east proper, the demonic races mostly come from the temperate east, dwarves that hail from the mountainous north, and us humans who live just about everywhere except for the Barren Lands. Nobody lives in the Barren Lands as far as we’re aware of.

Well, there’s also some of the more crude races such as goblins and orcs which are a step above monsters, but they mostly keep to themselves. We’ll trade and stuff if they’re willing, but if they turn towards banditry as they have in the past, everybody joins in to form a sort of militia.

That about sums up all the main racial groups you can find in the Noodle Kingdom. Just be polite and you’ll be fine. Now that we’ve arrived at the central fountain, I’ll leave you to gather your supplies. Meet back here by sundown. I’ll leave you to it.” And I’ll lead myself to those delectable looking dumplings over there, and these scrumptious sandwiches over here, along with that rack of lamb right there, and...

Spoiler: Butt-ton o’ Stuff -aka- READ ME (please?)

Hey-o, j0nn0 here with some news.

1- It’s game time with BeeBaBoop so we’ll be releasing three chapters in paired releases and this is the first of three. Be sure to check out his fic, A-Zero, so you can properly vote once it’s all over.

2- Marmartar, now a member of INKED, was kind enough to draw some character portraits for me, just cuz. The characters drawn are Bill, Serina, and everybody’s favorite, BOB! Okay, maybe they’re not perfect representations, but they’re pretty good nonetheless. Check them out in the art thread here. I know it’s a bit late to share, but it has been some time since I could just sit down and write. Better late than never.

3- I coulda sworn that I had something else to say… maybe not. Well, there’s Genesis which I’m thinking of writing again, several long term duels to work with, another interesting story idea made of several former scraps, and you can look forward to another chapter within a week. There will be actual adventuring of some sort… I’m working on it.

P.s. The “interesting story idea” is for the brave of heart and not meant for those easily offended by lack of “proper” storytelling, completely not strong MC, absence of a fully enclosed house (fourth wall and all), who hate my Narrator, dislike blatant self inserts as the god author of the story, dislike short chapters, or just don’t like bad words such as “doo-doo” and “copopulation”... In all seriousness, I’m referring to the more mature version of those two words, if you haven’t figured it out yet. If still curious as to what other random and wholly abnormal stuff my head can cook up, feel free to check it out Spoiler: DO NOT OPEN UNDER PAIN OF INSANITY here

Honestly speaking, if you straight up don’t like my whacked up sense of humor, don’t even click on it. I did write all of ^that^ the other day within a couple hours, idea and all, so don’t take it seriously, like, ever. If you try to take it seriously, it’ll be like hanging out with a clown all day and expecting to not get hit in the face with a cream pie at least once. I may write more in the future, but I’ll never state when it’s updated. Perhaps I’ll post it to RRL when I have a sizable amount of “chapters” amassed.

P.p.s. Ignore the “P.s.” You saw nothing.

P.p.p.s. I just checked my word count for this update compared to BeeBaBoop’s chapters for A-Zero… I feel so unaccomplished now. This chapter is about half as long as Boop’s latest. :-| Ugh, I feel compelled to write longer chapters, but I don’t know how to without forcing myself and making it feel forced. I just start writing and stop when my brain dies, sputtering to an incomplete stop.

Poll posted! Vote here!

*Poll Info: Currently, the polls will be posted in a series of 3 alongside the chapter releases. That's all. See you in the comment section.