An alien with a penis head stood on-top of a bridge talking into his radio.

“No… Yea… I’m pretty sure we got them… No, I can’t confirm… Because we melted them into goo and it’s kind of hard to tell what is human goo and what goo is not human goo… Well there were about four of them and they were firing at us.” The alien made a finger gun with his meaty hand and put an imaginary bullet into his head. A couple other aliens hid their laughter and snickers behind covered mouths, while a small snail like creature with obtuse legs jumped back, thinking that the finger gun had gone off and blown his leader’s brains out.

“Sorry, we’ll be sure to get their names first next time… No. I understand completely…” At this point in the conversation he emulated masturbating, which was a different action than one might be accustomed to. There was a lot of stroking and poking instead of the more human method of tugging and repeating.

The Scyroaxian Acolyte kept up his dramatization by sucking an invisible dick while bringing himself to climax and spraying imaginary ejaculate all over the snail like alien. The snail ran for cover. Granted, it wasn’t very fast, but he was still getting the fuck out of there. Imaginary or not, it had to hold that cookie before and it wasn’t doing it again.

The Scyroaxian ended his transmission. The call, that is. He has already ended his emission moments prior.

“Looks like they want us to hang out until we get actual confirmation that those were the humans they are looking for,”

“Fuck, that sucks. I want to get the fuck out of here,” growled an alien soldier who looked like a lizard hyena.

“Well, until we can find some proof we killed them, we’re stuck here,”

“Not it,” said a large alien with the face of a bald bulldog whose voice came out like a pack a day smoker.

“Did you just say, ‘Not it?’” asked the Sycoraxian.

“Ya. I’m not doing that shit.”

“Thanks for volunteering!”

“I just said I wasn’t doing it.”

“If you think that’s how this works, you’ve got another thing coming. Now get your lazy ass down there and find me some human DNA so we can get off this forsaken rock.

“Fine. Whatever. Come on Spate.”

A small creature that resembled a kitten (if that kitten had been tortured with a baseball bat, turned inside out, and grown an extra set of legs) climbed out from behind some storage containers. Its body spasmed then it leapt the distance to the lizard-hyena sticking to its chest like glue before climbing to its shoulder to perch like a parrot.

A look of disgust tore its way across the Sycoraxian's face. “I wish you would get rid of that thing. It freaks me the fuck out.”

The bulldog put up a hand shielding the living tumor. “I’ll have you know I found this thing on the mother world.”

“I know. I know. That doesn’t make that thing any less hideous.”

“Spate is one of the creator’s first creations. Show some respect.”

“Clearly it is proof that even the great one can make mistakes.”

“That is heresy. You speak with a blasphemous tongue.”

“Fine. Fine. Praise Phucya. Just get down there and get me proof that we killed those retro grades.

The hyena nodded.

“And take Daven and Frack with you. The sooner we get out of here, the better.”

The bulldog nodded again, holding back a grumble of irritation. Then he and Daven a cross between a hyena and a lizard hopped a combat cycles and took off down the bride to where they had killed the human soldiers.

Frack, the one that resembled a snail in a gas mask took off after them on its stubby legs, it’s pistol waving in the air while yelling at them to wait up, but its voice came out more like wild crying through its breathing apparatus.

A yeti with an overbite. poked its head out of the blue bulbous tank. “If you wanted the job done quickly, why did you send them? Those three failed the anatomy course at the academy when they couldn’t find their own dicks.

The Scoraxian shrugged. “To be fair, I’m not sure the molistropod has a penis.”

“Oh, yeah, they do. They’ve got a pussy too.”

“No! Really?”

“They’ve got both. Comes right out the hole in the side of their head.”

“I thought that was for breathing,” said the Scoraxian, taking a seat on one of the crates.”

“Nope, they’ve got a telescopic penis and pussy. Even got a pair of grappling hooks that shoot out and pull potential mates in closer.”

“How the fuck do you know all this?”

“Never get drunk on Kikilla. That’s all I have to say about that.”

“You fucked one of those things?” A look of horror crossed his face that slowly melted into intrigue. “How was it?”

“Honesty man, even drunk, it was kind of horrifying. I do not recommend it.”