Chapter 50 – She Broke Me

Maybe I’ve started to forget about it. But the moment I heard her voice. I feel like all the despair that she made me go through flashed before me. I looked at the lady of Alva shuddering. She was walking. Her wide hips swaying back and forth along with her frilly dress, that hair that bounces along with every step she makes.

She had the usual devilish yet sweet smile that would make any fool fall for her. She was a beautiful woman. I cannot deny that. And I won’t lie that I didn’t enjoy her violating me. But despite that pleasure. Despite all of that I cannot look at this woman right in the eye. She looked at me as if I was a thing. The way she strides towards me. The way she playfully prances around like a snake coiling around her prey.

I stood still. I could not move. I could not hear anything at all. I was scared down to my wits. I’ve faced dangerous things but yet in the face of this woman. I could not think straight. And all the confidence and courage that I had dispersed like a smoke blown by the wind.

I was scared. I was afraid. I tried to move but there was no response. There were noises. There were blurry distortions going around me. My heart pounded roughly as she keeps talking about something. I’ve grown deaf to what she has been blabbering. But I could smell the fragrance that she wears. I could remember her womanly scent. I could remember her lewdness as she treats me a like a toy. The tiny sweat on her filled my nose with this feminine fragrance.

But smelling her made me even more scared. I could remember the way she made me feel like it was nothing. I remember kneeling on my four like a dog to his master. I remember the way she shouted at me. The way she treated me like a dumb mutt as I try my best to please her. She was unhinged. She was someone who had this odd look of freedom on hers. She vented all her displeasure at me. She was so free at that time as if all of the worries on her life disappeared.

She was entertained by the dumb person before her. I could not speak the language. She could not understand my pleas. And even though I know to read and write the common tongue of this land. All of the cells in my body tell me not to remember what she said during those days as her slave.

Indeed, if I just focus on what we did that maybe I would be smug about it. She was a fucking beauty. That she was. Yet even with that. Even with all of her smiles and the lewd parts of her. I cannot stand her. I cannot imagine myself talking to this woman.

She still blabbered on. My lips were trembling. I turned to Shig. He was listening to her. I looked at Leiko who had already left the moment she arrived. Please save me.

Archie and Cassia were looking at the lady as if she was their savior. I remember that she was the one that warned us of the invasion. And judging by the looks that the Templar’s gave at her, the way they approvingly nod their heads made me realize that these Templar’s might be here because of her too.

She was the queen of the stage at the moment, the leading lady of the banquet while I was the clown who could not perform out of stage fright. I am rooted while my eyes are lowered to the ground. I could feel her predating around me. I tried to move away. But she would block me as if she knows that she was doing.

The time that she keeps circling around made me feel like I was a trap in a nightmare. The people around me turned into blurry shadows that keep emitting these buzzing noises. The world seems to have become inverted yet she had her colors. She was the one that had color right now.

I wanted to shout. I wanted to run away. My legs are shaking. My hands are shivering as she continues to babble on with those sweet red lips of hers.

I could not stand it anymore. I truly wanted to escape. I tried. But she would pull my hand and make me stay near her. I could sense that there were soldiers who looked oddly at me. Maybe they think why anyone would try to refuse a beautiful woman like her. She was noble-born. She was beautiful and sexy. She had everything she could offer any fool.

But they are wrong. Beyond this beautiful lies the devil that she is. Beyond the sweet charming smile and friendly personality lies a sadist who would cast someone’s pride.

Call me everything you can. But what she did to me there undermined me. She made me feel hell. She made me act like for her pleasure.

She toyed with me. Made use of me as some dumb plaything she could please herself with or vent her grievances to the world. She was a person who clearly knew the difference between that of a lower person. She made me realize that and she made me feel the lowest of low. I remember crying only to be slapped. I remember begging her to stop only to have her shove her toes in my mouth.

She made me feel like I was a dog. She made me feel less human. She ruined me. She destroyed something within me that made me lost all of my dignity as a human. My petty pride, bravery, and courage were nothing. My ideals were hurt by her. She made me feel like all of those were nothing to her. It was nothing to her.

That’s why as I looked around me. As they nod their heads and get bewitched by this she-devil. I tried to gather the rage that I felt during that time. I wanted to make use of that anger. To break free from this fear that was holding me.

But the moment she turned her face to me.

All the raging courage was gone.

Ah...

She broke me.