Chapter 82 – Blue Fireflies of Hope

Joshua had been walking for days in this cave system. It was a labyrinth and without any guide or map. He could follow only what he thinks was the right way and march there without even thinking. There were dead-ends. There were narrow corridors that made Joshua spend time trying to figure out where to go. There were stone hallways that were hard to just walk because of the floor.

There are times where he would encounter dark areas where he wasn’t able to see anything at all. He walked through those dark places and somehow made it out of those places. He had been doing this death march for quite a while now. Without the sun, without the moon, he wasn’t able to know what time it was. He had lost all sense of time.

He had to keep walking. He had to struggle because he knows that standing still won’t do him any good. He had been collapsing for so many times that it became a usual thing. Joshua felt like death. But still, he was moving.

Joshua found himself in this canyon filled with blue dots of light. He was amazed by what he was seeing. There were thousands of blue fireflies dancing around a giant blue tree that was surrounded by grasses that had the color of blue. This blue tree sat on top of this mound. There was a thin mist surrounding this blue tree. Past the blue tree, however, was a tiny lake.

Joshua didn’t know why. But he felt like he wanted to go there. So he dragged Silo with him until he reached the base of the tree. It was cool and soothing near the tree. He was feeling so relaxed that he sat in this tree, resting his weary back on the tree. His eyes squinted, his face dyed in blood. Joshua looked at the tiny blue lake with cloudy eyes.

“Finally taking a rest?”

Silo said to Joshua. He looked at Silo and nodded.

“I see...hey, give me that branch over there.”

“?”

“Don’t look at me like that, Joshua. You’ve been dragging me so much. I am ashamed. I do not know if we will ever get out of this place. We don’t even know if we can make it back to the town in this kind of state. But seeing you like this. Seeing you struggle even made me want to struggle too. How do you do it? How do you endure all of this?”

Joshua moved his jaws and answered stiffly. “I...don’t know.”

“Huh? You’re the toughest son of a bitch I’ve met. You are something else.”

“No, I just don’t want to die,” Joshua replied while making a pained expression. “You heard of people surviving mountains. They survive things. I am just trying to get by imitating them. I just am going to move.”

“But you are carrying me. You are hauling my sorry miserable ass while you look like a tiny pebble would kill you. I don’t know what to say to you. Why would you haul my ass? Look at you! Your mouth is barely moving! Do you like pain so much? Are you used to this kind of shit?”

“Not...not really...I’ve been...when I was a child I've been through a hospital...I remember spending time in this dark room. I was young. I was afraid of needles. I remember screaming for weeks since I had a disease years ago that made my childhood days painful....Maybe that’s why?”

“Still doesn’t make sense why would you act so saintly. Normally people wouldn’t want to suffer this hard.”

“Maybe,” Joshua faintly looked at the blue fireflies. “I’m just trying to make it through. I don’t think I am a good person. But you know I just want to...No, actually, I just don’t want to abandon people. You know why I ended up in Edawick in the first place?”

“Dan found you right?”

“Yes, after I jumped down this cliff.”

“Why?” asked Silo.

“I didn’t want to become a slave. That’s all.”

“So you took a gamble?”

“Yes. You see, back in Avilla, the people who I thought was family betrayed me. No, it is more like I had this delusion that I somehow made them trust me. They said it themselves that they will prioritize their own goals before me. I thought that maybe they will stand up for me. But they didn’t. This guy who was kind of heroic stood up for me instead. Maybe...because of knowing the feeling of being abandoned like that...that I don’t want others to feel that feeling?”

“Sounds stupid...you should take care of yourself.”

“Maybe I will. I think this is just my ego talking.”

“Your ego makes you for a fool then.”

“I know. Maybe I’ll suddenly stop being stupid and leave you here?”

Silo grinned at that. “Hah! Too late for that already, Joshua, you’ve given me hope despite all of this bullshit. So too bad I am going to use this branch as a leg. That should ease your burden and I’ll help you too.”

“Thanks...that would help a lot.”

“I...thank you for this. I’ve given up when that abomination attacked us. Seeing them all die like that...and then falling down this chasm made me lose hope. But seeing you not give up made me want to stand up and fight too. Joshua...no matter what happens...you did your best here. I am a witness to that. I won’t fault you if you give up. You already have done things that I can’t think of doing. So let’s do our best and die trying okay?”

Silo had this weary face. Joshua grinned slightly.

“That’s good. You shouldn’t give up. Someone’s waiting for you and I told I her that I will look out for you.”

“Ah,” Silo beamed. “That’s right...hah...will she accept the way I am now?”

Joshua looked at Silo’s missing leg which was now tied with a blue branch.

“I don’t know...but how about we live long enough to find that out? Then we will ask her. And if she doesn’t then I’ll help you win her heart.”

“I am counting on you then...so don’t close your eyes for good, brother. Please don’t.”

“I will make no promise.”

Silo kept silent. He looked at the tiny blue lake and prayed to his God. He prayed that after this rest. That somehow they would find a way through this. He didn’t have hope. He didn’t have any when he fell down here, but seeing someone struggle so hard made Silo want to struggle too.