Temptation was before me as it was many times before. It would be a quick and cathartic thing to battle the humans for Nui and bring it back under moth control. It would be amazing to have all the power for once in my life and to bring Paris under my subjugation.

But… That was not who I was.

I loved Paris, and he had been very sweet and loving toward me despite the fact that he obviously was raised to treat moths as nothing more than property. And humans weren’t the irredeemable creatures Daddy had always made them out to be. I loved so many of them.

More importantly, I truly did want to free the moth slaves while still being on good terms with humans. The best way to do that was to stay with Paris and show both moths and humans that they could love one another if they tried.

“I can’t do that… And I can’t just let you have Terry either.” I replied fearlessly. “You’ll have to kill me.”

Terry interjected, “I have my own agency, I will not go with you willingly. I don’t want these cursed powers your gods have bestowed upon me. Fight me one-on-one, and let it be decided that way.”

Meridi looked intrigued by such a challenge. She looked at the three of us in turn and locked eyes with me after a moment. “Tell you what, little queen, I will fight you one-on-one. If you win, I’ll join forces with you like you wanted and I’ll help you in accomplishing your wishes. If I win, I get Terry and I’ll give the order to kill you all.”

“Absolutely not!” Paul growled, exasperated by how out-of-hand the situation had gotten. “The queen can barely fight, and she is the most important person here!”

“Wrong. Terry is. He has the power to change the world.” Meridi said plainly. “Are you willing to fight for that power?”

She was addressing me, and I replied, “no. But I’m willing to fight for the safety of a friend.”

I unsheathed my sword and Meridi did as well.

Terry grabbed my wrists and tried to wrest the sword from my hands. “You fool! Let me fight her! I could defeat her easily!”

Meridi waved her hand upward and floated Terry into the air again. She put him behind her and in reach of her people. “It will be a fair match; I will not use my magic, and we will just fight sword-to-sword.”

Truth be told, I was horrified that I had agreed to this. There was no way I could win. I was not strong, I had no magic, and I had a weak constitution when it came to fighting. The only thing I was talented at was loving others and at times using clever words to manipulate them. I readied my sword, but I heard a yell.

Paul intervened fearlessly and dashed at the woman. He aggressively slammed his sword against hers six times and knocked it out of her hands easily. On his seventh swing, she used her magic to blast him backwards and then she tsked. “Keep your men in line, little queen, or you will all end up dead.”

I turned to Paul and Terry and said, “I order you not to interfere.”

I turned back to Meridi and then readied my blade with trembling hands, trying to remember all the stance Terry had taught me.

“Ready?” Meridi asked.

I nodded.

She charged me with a yell, and, just as she was about to swing, I tossed my sword aside and fell to my knees.

I did what Caerwyn did to get me to trust him so long ago.

“Kill me if you must. Your sword will just keep leading to more and more deaths. All I want is peace, if you want peace, you’ll put your sword down and help me.” I stared her down fearlessly. “You can trust me. I will do my utmost to free our people without hurting the humans.”

Meridi’s hands trembled as she gripped her blade. There was a tense moment as she met my fearless eyes. “Y-y-y-you’re a fool if you expect people to be as decent as you are!”

She swung her blade and Paul yelled in dismay as I close my eyes.

Cold steel gently touched my neck as Meridi stopped her sword swing just before it met it. She took a deep breath, her hands still trembling.

A long moment passed as she debated what she wanted to do. Her hands tensed a few more times, but she did nothing.

She gasped in resignation and lifted me up by the shoulders. She stared me in the eyes. After a moment, she grinned. “You are fearless, little queen!”

She knelt to me and planted her sword in the ground, bowing her head. “I will help you in your goals. But know that if the humans turn on the moths, I will take the boy and do what is necessary to preserve moths. But for now, you have my utter loyalty. A foolish girl like you needs as many tough guards as possible. Go ahead, knight me.”

I took her sword and touched her shoulders with the flat end with nervous hands. “I dub thee… One of my knights.”

Meridi stood up cheerfully. “You need more confidence for one so persuasive! And we should have a name if we’re all to be your secret guard and be loyal to you!”

I realized she was right. I held my chin high and stood up straight, remembering mother’s words. I turned to everyone in tow, including Paul, Terry, and Meridi’s twelve moth soldiers holding their bows lax. “What name would you all like? That is… Depending on Paul. Paul, if you wish to tell Paris, I won’t stop you. But, if you choose to be loyal to me, it can only mean good things for moths and humans.”

Paul looked at me intently with a frown.

After a moment, he gave me a soft smile. “My Lady, I am quite fond of you, but… This all feels like a betrayal of Paris’ trust. He is paranoid to begin with, if he ever found out about this, it would destroy him. He loves you very much, and you are the only moth—the only person--he is fond of.”

“I know it seems like a betrayal… But he never has to know. Change will happen so subtly, he won’t even realize it! Moths and humans will begin to like one another, and before he and all the other people of Nui realize it, they’ll begin to see moths as people rather than slaves and beasts and they’ll want to set them free! I love Paris, too, I’d never hurt him. I promise.” I informed Paul sincerely. “I need you on board, Paul. I need to see all the moth slaves of the city to tell them of my plans. I can only do that if you’re willing to help.”

“If not, maybe I’ll just kill y-y-y-you. Little queen just showed some of the most courage I have ever seen, and I will defend her to the death.” Meridi said with a grin.

Paul shot her a glare, but to me he took a long moment to think before he, too, knelt before me. “I see something in you. I see the ability to draw important people to you and unify them. I have seen and been through so many wars started through the selfishness and arrogance of cruel men—perhaps you can fix this rotten world.”

I sighed gratefully and pretended to knight him even though he had already been knighted. “I dub thee… Also one of my knights.”

Terry, who had been set free from Meridi’s magic, chimed in, “come on! We need a great name for ourselves!”

I looked at my loyal group with tears in my eyes and then wiped them with a sniffle. “I don’t know, what do you all think?”

Paul said, “how about the Queen’s Faithful? Nice and simple.”

“I like it!” I cried happily. “I feel like… I feel like with all of you on my side, I can make a difference! I don’t feel so alone anymore!”

I realized it was getting dark after a moment of silence. I gasped. “Paris will be so mad!”

“You have an alibi, My Lady!” Paul reminded me. “We’ll all three of us—me, Terry, and you—go to him and explain that we were having so much fun we forgot to get you to the castle on time.”

I nodded worriedly. I hoped he wasn’t drinking…

To Meridi I asked, “will you stay outside the city?”

She nodded. “We’ll be hanging around in the long grass.”

“Good; I’d like to talk to you tomorrow. I need any information you have on the gods, but right now I need to get back!” I said to her cheerfully.

Before I left Meridi held up a hand and slid a bracelet off her wrist. “I want to prove I’m loyal to you, and this is the only thing I can give you that can prove it. This was my brother’s bracelet, so long as you wear it, I will let no harm come to you.”

__

We lined up in front of Paris like guilty children far too late in the night for his liking—even though it was still fairly early—he had his hands clasped behind his back, and he had bleary eyes like he’d been crying, but it luckily didn’t look like he’d been drinking.

“What do you have to say for yourselves? Why have you kept my wife up so late?” Paris demanded. “I expected better of you, Paul.”

I curtsied and grabbed one of his hands, kissing his fingers. “It was my fault. I had so many shops I wanted to see and I guess I just lost track of the time…”

He smiled at that and it looked like he mellowed out. He hefted me to my feet. “You are never to blame, My Sweet. It is this rabble I let you go amongst. You two are dismissed.”

Terry and Paul gratefully ran off. I watched them go with a giggle. I turned back to Paris and told him sincerely, “I really am sorry for being late. You’re not terribly angry, are you?”

He clicked the door open to the bedroom and shook his head wearily. “No… I’m not angry at you. I’m angry at myself.”

I held him at arm’s length and asked, “why?”

“I hate myself for not trusting you to always come back to me. I don’t deserve you.” He replied miserably.

I didn’t know what to tell him. It seemed like I could tell him over and over again that I loved him—that he did deserve me—but he would never believe it. It seemed as if he were drowning and I was the only one who could help him, but he was simply to heavy for me to lift from the water.

I must find some way to help him as I find a way to speak to the moth slaves. Until then, I must rest and I will write again later.