Iranheim 182

When I awoke, I was lying next to a fire that Caerwyn had made. He told me very solemnly as I roused that he had been able to open a golden door that led to a nearby forest before the lustful god attacked us.

I sat up silently with much difficulty as my muscles strained and my arms trembled. Memories flooded back to my mind.

Cold sweat formed on my forehead as the images flashed in my mind.

The audible thud and turning to see him on the ground.

Tears slowly came to my eyes that turned into a flood as I wept in Caerwyn’s remaining arm loudly and long and he shed many tears of his own. I spoke of everything I loved about Terry; his smile with the adorable prominent dimples, his energetic and infectious personality, and his sweetness. He was with me through so much, and he never abandoned me. I didn’t know if I could last without him, I didn’t know if I wanted to. It seemed as if when he went, he took whatever brightness was left in my world and whatever was left of my convictions.

“Why did he die? Why would he leave me alone in this world!” I sobbed through clenched teeth.

I knew the answer, of course. When moths use a little bit too much of their magic all at once, the same thing happens to them. Terry was pushed too hard and his body simply couldn’t take it. It was all that blasted lustful god’s fault! And… Mine. He wanted to protect me, and used the last bit of his magic, and life, to bless our hair.

I had been through such pain before in my life, but somehow none of it compared to losing Terry. He was my soul mate through-and-through, and I didn’t love anyone as much as I loved him. We weren’t the same species, we weren’t related, but he was my brother.

To have to see him go from high-spirited and healthy to downtrodden and beaten and then to end it like that… I simply can’t describe how soul crushing it all was.

“I failed him. I failed you both.” Caerwyn said through his voice choking in pain.

And with that, the last of our convictions left us. I no longer wanted anything to do with this world or any of the despicable people who inhabited it. I found it hard to care about anything but myself and became a gray creature.

I said to Caerwyn after I had wept for minutes upon minutes, “let’s run away.”

And Caerwyn, a man normally tied undeterrably to his convictions was severed from them.

And we ran away together as far as we could away from war, away from death, away from suffering, and away from duty.

We ran until the world dissolved away and became the realm of desire.

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Lust and desire and comfort were so prevalent in that dark realm. It was in the air, it pervaded our bodies and souls, and we did nothing but enjoy the sweet scent and loveliness of it.

The dark and almost red light of the forest, the beautifully groomed trees and the luscious grass was so inviting and intoxicating.

Caerwyn and I removed all our clothes but for his cloak which he wrapped around me and brought me close with a cheerful smile.

And we forgot everything that good people shouldn’t forget and became nothing more than animals who lived for nothing but base desires.

We did nothing but lie naked in each other’s embrace most days and delight in pleasant and benign conversations about wonderful things.

I told him how obsessed I was with his hair and eyes, and he told me how much he loved my antennae and how big my eyes were.

I never thought something could feel so pleasurable and wonderful in all the world as just lying around with someone I loved.

And we forgot more and more of our memories, good and bad. We forgot about the war, about Nui being occupied, about the lustful god and the moth gods and Paris, and yes, even that red-headed boy whose name I could not even remember.

I laid on top of Caerwyn and asked him, delirious with love, “I wonder why this feels so nice?”

“Because we have nothing to do but love each other.” Caerwyn answered tiredly.

“What a paradise. I could lie here all day.” I replied with a happy sigh and stretched all my arms out joyously.

“I wouldn’t let you move if you tried!” Caerwyn teased.

His words were like sweet honey to my ears and lit me on fire with lust. I grinned and wrapped my arms ever more tightly around him. “You’re not close enough.”

“I was just thinking that same thing!” He replied and kissed me for what felt like the hundredth time that day. But that was okay, I wanted two-hundred more.

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When we weren’t lying about naked, we were exploring the realm of desire. I heard birds chirping often and saw dozens of golden butterflies fluttering about in the air and the smell of roses and other intense aromas just made me want to lie right back down with Caerwyn.

I just stood in the middle of the forest for a moment and enjoyed that overwhelming feeling of comfort. Caerwyn did, too, and just as I was craving his embrace again—it was as if he read my mind and his arm pulled me into an embrace.

I asked him with a smile, “where were we before this?”

“Before this…?” He asked confusedly as he kissed me a dozen more times and I forgot what I asked.

Behind him, I saw something new materialize in the realm of desire. The forest behind Caerwyn seemed to melt away and be replaced by a tall mountain. I wanted to go there but had trouble putting aside another opportunity to lie naked with Caerwyn. I let him kiss me a few more times before I ran for the mountain and called to Caerwyn, “you’ll have to catch me if you want more kisses!”

And Caerwyn chased after me gladly as I ran for the mountain.

As I ran, I could have sworn I heard a horse trotting in the distance that was merging with the sound of my feet stamping through the green grass.

I glanced back at Caerwyn and he was fast gaining on me.

I looked forward again and it seemed as if the closer I got to the mountain, the louder the horse’s trotting became.

It seemed as if I became disembodied for a moment and suddenly I was watching myself riding toward the mountain. But it was not me! It was someone else! The hands I looked down upon were worn, human hands!

Suddenly my four arms touched the mountain and I could hear the trotting of the horse no longer.

I could feel Caerwyn’s hand on my shoulder as he caught up to me and I turned to him with a single tear in my eye after a moment.

I was grateful for his kisses as he asked, “what could be bothering you right now, my love?”

“I don’t know. I can’t explain it.” I told him. In a moment, I forced myself to smile and demanded, “more kisses will allay my fears.”

“That can be arranged.” He replied and graced my face with more kisses.