ARC TWO - RISE OF THE IRON LORD

Misty clouds shroud a mammoth mountain, surely this must be the Misty Cloud Sect, most probably...

“Must be the Misty Cloud Sect, most probably...” Kong Wong indicates the ginormous mountain with an inclination of the head.

At his side, Li-Li Wong snorts derisively, she is less than impressed. “How pretentious, more like the Smoggy Fog Sect, if you ask me...”

No-one is... No-one ever does... Because you'll get comments like that... Guaranteed!

They have arrived at their destination though. Finally, he will be reunited with his junior brother Jian Cheng. He smiles at the thought. However, first he needs to initiate the plan he’s been forming for the last two weeks of travel through spatial arrays, airless space, exotic worlds and what not. A lesson he learned from his shidi: Plan ahead at all times...

“Now Li-Li,” he says, and can’t help but think of - and bitterly miss - his father, as that’s how half his sentences start. “You need to be on your best behaviour...” That’s how most of the middle of his sentences go too... But this next bit he made up himself.

“Because our many enemies must never find out we are out here alone, so our trip is sort of like a secret mission... Thus our identities have to be undercover...”

“Ooh, I'll make such a good spy... Or in my case spymaster...”

Hook, line and sinker.

“Hmm, I've already chosen my new name, it shall be Shijie Cheng!”

“What? You can’t call yourself Big Sister...That’s a title. And Cheng? Really? As in your big brother Jian Cheng? What, are you his wife?”

“No! No way.” She recoils in shock, but soon recovers herself. “ And he’s not my big brother- you are,! So act like it and don’t always try to marry me off...”

“When have I?" Why haven't I? Bah! Who would want such a headache? "Anyway, there's no need to change our names, we’re not from this world... Worse, that would be disrespectful to our sacred clan.”

“Fine, we’ll keep our surnames, but we still need to be undercover, so from now on I want to be called Hua Wang... The third...”

“The what?”

“The third, as in mother and grandmother both bequeathed me their own name...”

“But they didn’t, did they? We've never even met our grandmother... Moreover, it was mother who named you... And she especially called you Li-Li, and did so right up until the day she died.” Kong Wang is getting a little irked now.

“Li-Li watch out behind you!”

Ah!” The girl spins around, slashing out with her dagger as she does... Not bad, not bad... But naturally there is nothing there...

“See, you still react to your real name, it won’t work... But how about a new special secret identity of Princess Lili...”

Stick and then carrot. Thank you Brother Cheng...

"Fine then," she snaps, but is clearly taken with the title. "You can be my stupid serving boy... with a stutter..."

Why not? That’s what he feels like most days - sans the stutter...Most days... But even the lowliest servant has ambitions... And he’s been building towards something all this time.

“Ho-ho, I just had a crazy idea...”

“What?”

“No, it’s far too wacky.”

“Tell me...”

“Hmm, I suppose we’re a long way from home, so no-one will ever know...”

“Tell me!” She’s on the verge of a tantrum, so he stops teasing it out.

“What if you act and pretend this Princess Lili, is a colouirful character like a Buddhist nun who’s taken an eternal vow of silence?”

She makes a sour face at that. Perfect, because he hasn’t really finished teasing it out either...

“... Or perhaps some selfish spoiled little madam...”

“What? Like that dopey cow Feng Huang?”

“Yes!” Exactly, like her nemesis. The nemesis exactly like her: Her bitter enemy the Shining Phoenix sect leader’s daughter... Truly two tigers cannot share a mountain...

“Just tone it down a bit, she is too unbelievably bad.”

“He-he, what a challenge... It won’t be easy being so utterly shameless... Shall I put a mole on the end of my nose?”

“She doesn’t have any moles...”

“Really? She should do, she deserves some...”

Li-Li may be smarter and sneakier than him, but he is her older brother and has been dealing with her little schemes since long ago... They all have... The elders even have a monthly meeting about her... This month's one will be a party...

“What if you made this new character a mute?”

“Humph! Not happening... Feng Huang jabbers like a skittish monkey... But you need to change now too.”

She places a delicate finger on her chin, probably getting in character...

“Aha! I have it... You are still a stupid serving boy, but no longer have a stutter...” She smiles. “Now, it’s a lisp...”

Yup, she’s definitely in character... Exactly the same as herself from before. Good, he doesn’t need surprises. It’s always better the devil you know... And, if she is expending all her energies in all her so-called acting, she won’t have any left for her own schemes and mischief making... He-he, his first cunning plan is a runaway success!

They aren’t challenged by guards as they made their way up the thousand stairs - flying trough the air will generally do that to ninqi guards on minimum wage.

“Humph! Boy, go see if the gardener is in his shack.”

“No need to be rude, Li-Li,” he mutters under his breath, but into her ear. “You can read, so you know that’s their main Misty Cloud Hall.”

“Of course, I was only getting into character.”

Oh-no! He realises his plan to keep her on an even-keel has backfired. It's given her a licence to act as shamelessly as she wants and blame it on the other girl...

“Finally some passable qi, I felt like I was drowning."

Again rude. But true. No wonder there are so few high level cultivators... But soon there are, as a swarm of elders appear... Fear is in their eyes as Kong Wang's cultivation is higher than all of them... Put together... Messengers are sent scurrying hither and thither. In a few hundred breaths, what passes for this puny sect’s biggest wig, Patriarch Long, approaches, introduces himself and ushers them politely into a crowded alcove within the Misty Cloud Hall. Then the small talk begins.

“Can this one enquire where esteemed guests are from?”

“The Th--Thoughtful Tortoise Sect!”

Well, at least the stutter is working... No wait, it’s a lisp now isn’t it... He knows because his sister has turned to him, sticking her tongue between her teeth, frantically miming a lisp..."Th-th-th"

“How prestigious! I’ve long heard of your name...

Uh, strange. He thought he’d just made it up... It can’t be a real sect can it? That could be a real problem... Or was this elder bluffing?

“He-he, even from so far away...”

Yep, bluffing. This fake two-faced schmoozer reminds him of Elder Shan... A real snake in the grass...

At that moment tea is served... But not snacks. Which is apparently not good enough for Li-Li... Who may or may not be acting...

“You there with the white beard, bring a selection of tasty treats from this world... Your world... Our world...”

Whitebeard scuttles off, but the other elders mutter amongst themselves suspiciously. Aargh! Kong Wang steps in and wings-it.

“Ahem! Princess Li-Li has graciously blessed you with our traditional Thoughtful Tortoise Sect mantra...This World...Your World... Our World...”

“Oh, yes.” Li-Li loves where this is going. “It’s said our esteemed founder, Hua Wang the third, came up with this mantra at a beautiful waterfall... She was also beautiful... But still fell into a mantric trance... And, this is the exciting bit, when she emerged several years later she had broken through to become a chengxian powerhouse from the lowly zhuji realm...” She pauses to look meaningfully at several of the lower-tiered elders. “And furthermore, was still beautiful, even though she was nearly 30!”

The elders are enraptured by her tall tale. Many of them bow, one even kowtows, and several more excuse themselves to, no doubt, go into secluded cultivation...

All fun and games, but his enquires about Brother Chang keep coming up short. Disturbingly short... It seems he has disappeared without a trace... And all his friends have died... Kong Wang gets a sinking feeling and a furrowed brow at the same time.

He’d be more suspicious and furious, but these fawning elder fools are so plainly scared silly by him...

Kong Wang decides to get to the bottom of the deaths of his junior brother’s friends - after all, they may be sect mates.

An Elder Tie, Elder Wei, Elder Tang and Supervisor Zhu are all summoned and a strange tale unfurls.

One sour-faced elder, who only has eight fingers, four on each hand, claims to have seen and been repeatedly attacked by a god eater rat of all things... The others scoff at him, but Kong Wang can’t help but recall the baby Yama... Yet, this rat was with these others...Curious and curiouser... Could these three - Li Feng, Fen Ling and the maid Xiao Ma - be the secret good seedlings of Kong Wang’s Thundering Tortoise Sect special chapter? One has triple affinities including lightning. One is an alchemist... Hmm, they indeed sound like the two his shidi has told him of... At the time, he half-suspected Jian Cheng had been exaggerating or even fibbing to him... How could he? He owes his little brother an apology...

Next, a friend of theirs is also summoned. A young Gung Hao.

Kong Wang likes barbarians. His mother was a barbarian, hence his size... And honesty...

“Gung Hao, know nothing.” The boy is resolute. “Brother Cheng good friend, make good sword for Gung Hao. See...”

He unstraps a huge bastard sword from his back and waves it about. He even encrusts the wide blade with ice turning it into a studded mace... Good sword. Cool trick. Decent cultivation at early zhuji. Kong Wang likes this boy a lot.

So does Li-Li, she’s looking at him with sparkling eyes... At his sword at least... Whew! No-one wants to deal with young love... Ever... Especially with her... It could be earth shattering...

“Show me,” she demands imperiously - and possibly in character.

The barbarian shrugs and hands it over. “Is mine. Give back but.”

“He-he, good sword.” She twists and turns it, examining it closely. “You say your junior brother made this?”

“And Elder Tie. Yup. But not junior brother. Just brother. Same-same.”

Li-Li’s brows furrow. “What’s its stupid name?”

“Basher.”

“Humph! How crude. Why, because it bashes things? ”

“Yup. What you call little wolf dagger?”

“Sla-Sla--”

Hah! Now who’s stuttering! Kong Wang is enjoying the show... He loves this boy!

“Sla-Sla? You should call Slasher! Better than Sla-Sla... Cause dagger slash good.”

“Here, have your stinky sword back!”

“Uh, you go look for Brother Cheng now?”

Li-Li is sulking, so Kong Wang answers for her.

“Yes.”

“I come too?”

Kong Wang turns and looks at Sect Patriarch Long, the only person here with near comparable cultivation. The smarmy old man just cups his hands towards Kong Wang with a sycophantic grin.

“Sure, why not?”

“Um, because sect not never let me go?”

Oh! He still likes him... But it will clearly be a challenge.

“No problem. We’ll, sort something out.”