Nancy

I wake up to the sound of soft music dancing with rays of yellow light. As I inhale the morning air, I brace myself for routine.

______________

I take a burning sip of my coffee and smile, peaceful as every morning. And then I shriek because my cellphone rings.

It's short. Two short whistles. A text, I think.

My heart springs. I take a sharp breath.

[From : Alex] Good morning!

Another couple of whistles.

[From : Alex] Sry didn't see ur text last night, my phone died

I let myself marvel in the thought that there could be something other than concern motivating her. I let all the hopes, all the attraction I feel toward her rise, rise, and rise until I can feel my cheeks hurting from a smile, and my fingers shaking, and electricity buzzing in my stomach. I let myself be crushed.

Then I take a deep breath, and shut everything away.

My fingers are not shaking as I tap an answer.

[To : Alex] Good morning!

I don't need more than that to feel alive.

Alex

I smile at my phone, at the two words shining on the screen, then put it back in my pocket.

There's something funny in the air today. Something electric and unusual. Light, almost imperceptible - but it's there.

When the music starts in my ears, I can feel it even better.

It's nice. Not really calming - pretty much the opposite actually - but nice. Like something good's gonna happen.

______________

We're arguing on whether our team's got the chance to win the upcoming game when I see Nancy. She's putting her bus card back in her wallet, her glasses crooked and patched with tape but steady on her nose, wearing dark purple pants that show her ankles and a white blouse. It's probably the state of her glasses, but she looks a bit different today. Or maybe it's because I've never seen her in the bus. I heard once that how you see a person can change depending on the setting.

She hasn't seen me yet. Should I wave at her? Call her? Get up and walk to her? Invite her to sit in the back with us?

I don't think my friends would appreciate that. Hell, I don't even think Nancy would appreciate that.

I mean, my friends aren't bullies. They gossip, yeah, and they tend to judge people very quickly, but they're not, like, mean. They let people their chance to surprise them, and if they do, they'll question their judgement and become curious. That's what happened with Elliot, and now he's a full member of our circle.

This isn't helping me.

What do I do?

Okay, first, I have to stop staring at her or we'll lock eyes and-

Soft earth suddenly makes my heart skip a beat. Her eyes are darker than yesterday. She's further than yesterday and I can't read her expression at all.

I don't think I can move, either. At least not my body - my lips, on the contrary, seem very eager to smile. I'm grateful for that because as soon as their corners lift, Nancy's face shifts. It softens and gains colors, shades I'm not really able to decipher but know I like better than the blank mask she was wearing.

She walks towards me - us - with a shy smile and a lack of hesitation I can't help but find kinda cool. Like she's afraid of nothing. I remember what she said about stepping out of her comfort zone, and I wonder if that's what she's doing right now. If she's feeling alive right now.

I sure am.

Feeling alive, I mean.

I should probably get up, but the shine in these eyes won't let me.

Nancy

Angry butterflies are swarming in my stomach.

I have nothing to lose.

Alex

What am I supposed to do? She's only a few feet away and I still don't know how I'm supposed to introduce her. Are we classmates? Friends? Acquaintances? Amina and Jess are in our class, so they know her from sight, but I don't think that's gonna help.

Nancy's still walking.

I shoot a glance at my friends to make sure they haven't noticed her yet. Amina and Jess are still arguing, and Carla's texting, but Gabi is frowning and looking directly at Nancy.

Shit.

Okay, I've got this.

Nancy's arrived at talking range when I wave at her.

"Hey!" I say cheerfully, "How're you doing?"

My friends stop talking. She waves back, still smiling. "I'm fine, thanks, and you?"

"I'm good!" I answer, then get up and point at each of my friends. "Nancy, this is Amina, Jess, Gabi and Carla…" I make a gesture towards her. "And, girls, this is Nancy."

I'm expecting someone to express some sort of disapproval, but they all grate Nancy with a somewhat sincere smile. Amina even adds a friendly "Hi!" to go with it.

"Nice to meet you all", Nancy replies, and I wonder if my friends hear the simple honesty she puts in these words.

"Okay, girls", I tell them, casual because I have no reason not to be, "I'm gonna sit with Nancy over there-"

She interrupts me. "No, No, it's okay, I just wanted to say hi. Don't mind me."

I frown. I didn't think she'd turn me down. "But there's no spare seat in the back for you…" I start again, scratching my neck awkwardly. "I mean, it's fine if you don't want to, but I was thinkin' we could talk."

Her eyes widens slightly. She avoids my gaze, looking sideway at my friends instead. "What about your friends-" A mocking voice cuts her off.

"Don't worry 'bout that", Gabi says, sounding like she couldn't care less, "we see her every single day." And I would hug her if I wasn't sure she'd slit my throat if I dared.

I grab my bag instead and point at a pair of free seats some rows ahead, catching Nancy's eyes with a smug smile. "C'm'on, let's sit!"

"Okay", she answers as I begin walking down the bus, her smile singing a bashful waltz to my cheerful steps.

I take the seat closer to the window and put my bag between my feet, and she does the same with hers. She's wearing dark blue converses, one of them pressed against my right shoe because of how little space our bags leave for our feet. The sight's weirdly interesting, though I'm not sure why. I quickly raise my gaze to her face and ask, curious : "So, why the bus?"

I watch her put a lock of ocean-like hair behind her ear, her hand paler against the dark waves, and wait for her eyes to look up to meet mine. "My dad wouldn't let me ride my bike after what happened yesterday, he was too scared I would fall", she answers, with an amused but fond smile that makes something move in my chest.

"Really? Why?"

She shrugs. "I don't know, probably because of my glasses. He always worries too much."

I wince. "Yeah, about that, how much do I owe you?"

"What? No, it's okay, I told you, you don't have to give me anything!" She says, waving her hand to stress her words. I shake my head and cross my arms, smiling despite myself.

"How can I make it up to you, then?"

Another shrug. "You don't have to."

"Not an answer", I say, echoing the words she said yesterday with a smirk.

She doesn't sound really amused when she reminds me that I'm already forgiven.

I shake my head again. "Still not an answer." She rolls her eyes in false annoyance, a smile finding its way back on her lips. It lacks something. "C'mon Nancy," I insist, not ready to give up yet, "let me-" Suddenly the words are stuck somewhere between my heart and lips, and I'm diving into warm earth again. How the fuck does she do that with her eyes? I'm pretty sure looking into someone's eyes shouldn't make me feel all light and flushed. That's what booze do.

She keeps staring, and it's weird but I don't want her to stop.

After what feels like an hour or the time of a blink, she drops her gaze to her hands, which she starts knotting and unknotting together. I let my eyes fall on their hypnotic dance, feeling sorta dazed and heart beating louder than usual. The urge to move, to do something - punch a wall, reach for a hand, break the bus's window, anything - is screaming in every muscle of my body, and soon my knees start to bounce.

"Talking is enough."

"What?" I ask, startled by the sound of her voice.

"To make it up to me?" She says, and I blink, mind still focusing on her hands instead of her words. "Talking is enough", she repeats, and I raise my eyes to meet hers. When I find her smiling, I shake my head again. I've hit the girl in the head, broken her glasses, and all she wants me to do is talk? How is her smile so dazzling? Is she out of her mind? And why am I blushing?

"You're weird, y'know that?" I say, hoping to regain a composure but sounding bewildered instead. She shrugs like it's no big deal. When she actually answers, though, there's an odd weight to her voice.

"So they say."

I want to ask who they are, but choose to focus on lightening the mood instead. "No wonder y'like japanese stuff so much then." She chuckles, and I feel warmth and pride straightening my shoulders.

The atmosphere is kinda weird after that, our silent quest for a new topic almost audible in the relative silence of the bus. Thankfully, it doesn't last, and Nancy quickly fills the awkward gap with an easy-going question: "What's your favorite band?"

"Fall Out Boy", I answer without missing a beat. "Yours?"

She hums softly, taking time to think about it, her face a weirdly cute mixture of frowns and smiles. "Hm… I'd say Bronski Beat at the moment, but… The Doors and Madness are really close behind."

I raise an eyebrow at the third name she gives. Pretty sure it's the first time I hear that noun alone as a band name. "What's Madness?"

"Oh, you've never heard of it?"

"Nope."

"They're really good! They play ska, they were quite famous in the 80's", she says excitedly, eyes full of stars, making something squeeze in my chest.

"I'll check it out", I say with a smile, and even though I never really mean those words, this time I know I probably do. "What's your favorite song?"

She makes a face. "That's a very cruel question."

"Yeah, sorry", I laugh, "couldn't choose either. It all depends on the time and place, y'know?"

"Yes! And there are songs that have stupid lyrics but good music, or the contrary", she says, and I nod.

"Hm-hm, or some songs it's just for emotional reasons."

She smiles knowingly at that, eyes soft and brown. "Memories."

I hum, looking away as the feeling from earlier returns, weird and electric. It's not unpleasant, but… I don't know.

We keep chatting until the bus reaches our school. We don't wander into personal or particularly deep topics like yesterday, but there's a bit of that intimate atmosphere we had draped over us in the nurse's office. I glance at her a lot, and almost every time I catch her glancing back. Our eyes meet then blink apart, our eyes lock then run away. It's like an improvised choreography.

There are bubbles popping in my chest.

Nancy

Today is a strange day.

When I walked toward Alex this morning in the bus, all I was hoping for was a hello. Maybe a smile if I was lucky.

What I got was a seat next to her and a whole ride listening to the sound of her voice, my eyes irresistibly drawn to her. She glanced at me several times, too. I was feeling bold and warm, so after a minute or two I purposefully hold her gaze. I don't remember who gave up first, but I know we did it again. Our eyes were magnets, pulled together then pushed apart, only to meet again the next second.

I feel my fingers tickle only thinking about it.

When the bus stopped in front of our school, Alex groaned and we got up and off the bus without talking. "Thank you," I said when we were waiting for her friends.

"For what?" She asked with a smile that I returned automatically.

"This was by far the best bus ride I've ever experienced."

My hands were sweating and I could feel the blood rising up my neck, but it was worth it. I made Alex blush. She raised a hand to scratch at her neck and her eyes avoided mine, but her smile only brightened. The butterflies in my stomach were doing aerobatics with fireflies. I hadn't expected her to react that well.

"You know, I think that you thank me way too often for a girl I hit in the face with a ball," she told me then, grinning. I chuckled, if only not to spill that I was grateful for what had happened yesterday. We wouldn't be talking if it hadn't, after all. "But that bus ride's on my top five too."

My heart stuttered when my gaze found hers.

Her friends came out of the bus before I got the chance to say anything more, which was probably for the best, and the taller one - Jess - immediately hooked her arm with Alex's. She shot me a hostile look but didn't make any comment, instead asking Amina if she had done the English homework. I walked with them until I had to take a different hall. Alex told me she would see me later and I nodded then turned away, hurrying before I started to be late.

______________

I still have troubles believing it actually happened. Every class I've had this morning has passed as usual, and with each one of them this morning's events are looking more and more surreal.

When lunch break comes, I pack my schoolbooks and take my usual détour to the cafeteria without really thinking about it. I dutifully ignore the shoulder bumping into mine and the snickers that follow it as I look for a familiar glimpse of blond hair in the crowd. As usual, it doesn't take long before I notice her. She's talking with one of the cheerleaders that was in the bus this morning, the one with her hair ends dyed blue. I think Alex called her Gabi, but I'm not sure.

I don't stop walking as I stare discreetly at my crush, smiling for myself. It feels good to have a name I can put on these feelings. I guess I've known what it was for a while now, but I had never admitted it before yesterday. It feels liberating, like the first breath of fresh air when I come out of my house in the morning.

"Hey, Nancy!" says Alex's voice all of a sudden. I stop walking and turn around, fluttery wings waking up in my stomach. Alex is walking toward me with a sunny smile, Gabi trailing behind her. Maybe that bus ride did happen, after all.

"Hey, Alex, Gabi," I say with a smile I couldn't hold back if I wanted to, "How did your morning go?"

"Yo," Gabi answers simply, and I can't help but notice how small she looks next to Alex's 170 centimeters. I'm only 165 myself, but I think she doesn't exceed 160. The look she's sending me is not menacing like Jess's was earlier this morning, but it's not friendly either. Cold seems like the perfect adjective, but I might be biased by the icy blue of her irises.

"Boring, except for that dissection in Bio. I had no idea the insides of a frog could be so interesting." She grins at that and I chuckle, wondering if she told me that because of the texts we exchanged yesterday evening. "What about you? Did anything interesting?"

"Well, I expended my German vocabulary and analyzed Plato's definition of poetry, so yes, I did," I answer, making Alex snort and Gabi raise an eyebrow. "Are you two... heading to the cafeteria?"

"Yeah, we're meeting the others here," Alex says and we start walking again. "I guess you're too?"

I nod. "Sasha and Ibrahim are probably already there."

"Hm, Nancy? about Sasha…" Alex hesitates, so I meet her eyes to tell her to keep going. "Hm, do you know Elliot well?"

Oh, I think I know where this is heading. "Only a bit... Hm, is it true that he's going to ask Sasha out?"

"Would be about damn time!" Gabi mocks.

"He's been dying to for months now, but he's too scared," Alex says after letting a short laugh out. "He doesn't want to ruin their friendship." Gabi rolls her eyes, but I just smile.

"I can understand that."

"Yeah?"

"Y- Yeah," I nod. "But, hm, what was that about Sasha?"

"Oh, right- I just want to make sure Elliot's not gonna end up heartbroken again." There's a sad smile curving up her lips, and it makes my heart squeeze. I shake my head.

"Don't tell anyone, but Sasha's had a crush on Elliot for two years now", I tell Alex with a reassuring smile.

It makes Gabi laugh short and loud. "Talk about morons! They already act like a couple!"

Alex laughs and I stare at her as she does so, recording the bubbling song of her laughter in my mind. "They're perfect for each other," I say once she's done laughing.

Alex nods, then adds that she's sure they are going to be one of those dumb couples that can't be seen apart from each other. Gabi makes a disgusted noise in agreement and I chuckle, glancing at Alex's joyful face. She's so beautiful and friendly, and so popular… Why she would waste her time with someone such as myself is beyond my understanding. Perhaps it is not for her, though. Perhaps… perhaps she really sees something in me, something obvious and interesting that I can't grasp but is there, in me, and worthy of Alex's time.

I enter the cafeteria and wave goodbye to Alex and her friend, wishing them a good afternoon.

It's a nice thought, one that deserves to be pondered about more thoroughly - but not right now. Now is the time to eat and chat with friends.

But it's a nice thought.