Chapter 28 – Battle at Bufohelm: Part 5

‘They’re taking so long…’ Hopper said, playing a mahjong type game with Chompy, Webby and another frogman, but instead of the usual tiles, these had different kinds of animals in different poses on them. Hopper’s patience was depleting and his garbage hand wasn’t helping. The tents were all put in their bags, along with close to everything else – leaving some food and items for leisure as they waited for JD to return.

Chompy switched his tiles around. ‘Don’t work yourself up. There’s nothing we can do about it, and if anything happens, it’s on captain, anyway.’

Hopper twitched his nose, knowing Chompy was right, but still not satisfied. ‘Base camp is expecting us in the morning. This might meddle with their plans.’

‘Worry all you want,’ Webby said. ‘We’re doing our part. It’s not like we can order JD around. No one can. That’s why he’s here in the first place. Bon!’ he took a tile from Hopper and with it, placed three in total to the side of the board.

Chompy grabbed a tile from the pile and said: ‘lunge,’ causing all the others to exhale a tired breath. ‘I’m pretty lucky today,’ he said, with Webby responding: ‘more like – every day…’

While Webby and the other frogman were focusing on the board, Hopper and Chompy heard the leaves in the distance, and immediately stood up. ‘I was just about to win again…’ Chompy said.

Hopper ignored him, calling out to the whole camp: ‘Alright guys, he’s coming – let’s get going!’ And as he said that, JD revealed himself, with Kuno on his back as he waved his hand with a big smile on his face. ‘Yoooo, look at me, guys!’

They gave him quick glances, smiling back at him. But since they had to focus, quickly turned their attention on placing the last items in the bags and boxes. They were almost there, almost at Bufohelm.

They were made to wait, after Ozzy had summoned the stone wall post working so hard to cut the gate open, that much was clear. Xiuying had her plan, but even if she didn’t, knew that disturbing her opponent’s plan was always a smart option. And who’s better at disturbing, or being disturbing, than her crazed soldier Sarah.

‘Bufohelm! Or whatever the fuck you lot like to call this shit-hole!’ she shouted out with open arms. ‘I’m sure you guys don’t get to see a show all that often, so it’s a good thing I’m here!’

She walked up to the barrier, smushing her face against it, causing the soldiers on the other side to take an awkward step back. ‘Hey…’ she said calmly, fogging up the barrier with her moist breath. ‘My name is Sarah, nice to meet y’all.’ The look in her eyes was something they had seen before – the hollow look of those who had discarded their humanity – or never had it to begin with. Their hearts began to heat up, seeing their captured friends, feeling prisoners themselves here in their own home.

Sarah pushed herself off the barrier. ‘Okay, so, here’s the deal, my sophisticated little beasts,’ Sarah said, giving a single clap. ‘Like the boss had informed you – we want your leader to take the hit. In return for you survival, of course.’

The soldiers stayed put, withholding all their emotions. Things would be hard, but their lives had always been this way. One of them was hesitant, opening his mouth, but speaking no words after seeing his peers still as statues.

‘Last chance, fancy pants,’ Sarah said with a faint smile, and after ten seconds of silence, she did a hop of joy. ‘Yes! Thank you – Thank you – Thank you.’ She turned around and shouted like an announcer. ‘Ladiessssss aaaaaaand gentlemennnn! I, your lovely, lovely host; Sarah Gastrow, present to you the first episode of Cooking at home with Sarah!’

Yuki was still strolling through the bushes. Xiuying held the same look as the soldiers and Cara had grown some bangs to cover her eyes, like a ginger veil, the last person who was interested in Sarah’s antics.

‘First things first!’ Sarah said, showing her hands to the people of Bufohelm. They were dirty and muddied due to their fights and travels. ‘We can’t cook with hands like these now, can we?’

She hunched forward and put her hands in front of her, palms faced up. After a quick gag, she began pouring out the yellow/greenish liquid out of her stomach, covering her hands in it. It didn’t pour like a faucet, more like water balloons were going off in her throat, the acid coming like waves of splashes. The soldiers squinted their eyes at the sight, yet still unable to look away.

‘Gotta wash ‘em,’ she said as the acid burned through the dirt and mud, yet somehow leaving her hands completely intact. She lifted her soaked hands up, the acid dripping down her elbows. ‘Clean as a whistle,’ she said. ‘But of course, just as important,’ she turned around and gave the six captured soldiers a friendly smile, but they knew all too well, friendless was the last thing they were going to get.

‘A cook must wash her ingredients too,’ she said, walking up to the first soldier. The eyes of every soldier showed all the white, the outlines of their irises completely visible. ‘No, no, stay away, please!’ the soldier begged, with all of them crippled by fear.

‘Aww, baby,’ Sarah said. ‘Don’t be this way… I need to deserve that look on your face. You’re making it too easy!’

When she wiped his face with her acid covered hands, and the soldier cried his lungs out – struggling to leave, but unable to do more than move his neck - Ozzy began doubting his previous words, along with the strength he needed to fulfill them.

The screams were dampened by the stone wall, but all of them could hear it. From his voice to the acid eating away at his skin, they heard it all. This was happening right before their eyes. All while their trusted leader still sat in his room, eyes closed, meditating, having told his soldiers they had to do nothing, and leave their friends to the torture.

Meanwhile, completely aware of what was going on, Yuki ran circles in the area outside Bufohelm, circles getting bigger and bigger – to spot possible reinforcements before they arrived. Finding nothing, the task got duller and duller, but it was always better than Sarah’s cooking show.

Then, however, out of nowhere, in the middle of the forest, something strange caught her attention. Something that didn’t belong there. Among the twigs and leaves lay a perfectly round sphere crashed into the dirt.

They had picked up the pace to make up for lost time. Sadly, Kuno, who was well rested due to JD sleeping in, had to walk instead of being carried. He tried to keep up with the rabbits, frogs, and Undead Warlord, but his days of inactivity were taking a toll. ‘I can fucking shit the entire night long, but an hour of walking and I can’t feel my legs… I thought humans were experts at endurance!?’ he thought. If only Kuno had lived like an actual human for the past decade, instead of a greenhouse plant. He’d have loved to fart and fly, but it’d be easy for either party to spot a farting human in the distance, especially the haphazard way Kuno flew.

He wished he could ask Hopper and Chompy to carry him – but with the pace they were going at, he just couldn’t get himself to do it. He looked at JD’s back, knowing it wouldn’t be much trouble for him, but didn’t ask him, either. ‘They already did so much for me… Fuck it, I’ll walk, whatever. I’m Kuno. I can do this.’

Fifteen minutes later, Kuno held onto Chompy’s neck fur with his legs given in. ‘PLEASE! I can’t take it anymore! Somebody carry me,’ he grunted. ‘The pain, the pain!’

‘Let me go, Kuno. You’re hurting me!’ Chompy said, with JD laughing at the front of the march: ‘QUAHAHA! Come here, baby boy. JD will carry your weak butt.’

‘Thanks big J,’ Kuno said, hopping on, making himself comfortable, putting the side of his face between the feathers on JD’s neck. ‘Hey guys,’ he said. ‘You’re going to fight humans, right?’

They didn’t respond, but Kuno didn’t need an answer, anyway. ‘They think I’m dead. It’d be kinda weird if they saw me like this, don’t you think?’

Hopper gave a big sigh. ‘Pff, I suppose we could give you something,’ he said, asking: ‘Can we, captain?’

JD lifted his shoulders up and down, effortlessly bouncing Kuno. ‘JD doesn’t care. Kuno’s face is like any human, looks quite dumb and ugly to JD. Better hide it,’ he said, with Kuno afterwards squeezing his beak shut with both his hands.

‘Don’t go telling lies now,’ Kuno said. ‘What do you mean by something?’ Kuno asked Hopper, turning around to see him digging in Webby’s bag, whilst they kept on jogging. He grabbed various pieces of neatly folded brown cloth.

‘Wrap these around your exposed body parts,’ he said. ‘If they think you’re dead, they won’t find out that easily, unless you use your ability, that is.’ He hopped over to Kuno, placing the cloth in his backpack.

As he did, however, Kuno felt a sudden twitch from JD. A swift vibration traveling from JD to him. Kuno’s brows shot up and he gave a quick: ‘hm?’ JD stopped running, causing everyone to halt.

‘Captain?’ Webby asked.

JD tilted his head up, all the others following synchronized, Kuno included. None of them saw what he did, though – not until it flew through the tree branches, finding its way to JD – a little paper bird, twitching its wings in the palm of its recipient, almost as if it was really alive.

‘A message?’ Hopper said.

All of them huddled around JD, but being only between three and four foot, the rabbit –and frogmen couldn’t see much of it. JD opened the paper bird until it was a flat sheet again. Kuno recognized the paper from when he was in JD’s tent.

Its contents, only for the eyes of JD and Kuno – both of them silently reading, until JD crunched the paper and put it in his pocket. He took four steps forward to move away from the crowd – who, seeing the look on his face, let him through and kept their distance.

‘Off,’ JD told Kuno.

‘I wanna come too!’ Kuno said, but JD puffed his chest up and threw his arms back, launching Kuno into the crowd behind him. They caught him, then looked up at JD with nothing but concern.

‘Freebird,’ he said, and having summoned his wings, bent his knees and launched up to the sky, on his way to Bufohelm.

After two seconds of silence, watching JD fly away, Kuno got on his feet with the help of the others. ‘We need to hurry,’ Kuno said, taking his pants off.

‘What did it say?’ Hopper asked, putting his hand on Kuno’s shoulder.

‘They’re already fighting,’ he said. ‘Bufohelm is losing… losing hard.’ He wrapped his pants around his waist and wrapped the cloth they’d given him around his face, arms, legs, crotch, anywhere but his butt. He farted up and kept farting to keep himself in the air. ‘Run as fast as you can! Leave your bags behind if you have to! We can’t let JD do all the work! The people are waiting for us! Let’s go!’

Everyone shifted to max gear, one farting, the others sprinting through the forest. While all of them ran to help out their brothers in need, Kuno knew the only people that needed help were the women he had never spoken to.