《I Am Not The Main Character》1.32 Lost Architecture
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So the phone is totally stuck in there right, Dad is freaking out, my mom is juggling spatulas, and now was the time for all the ravioli to start spilling out of my pockets.
"That is a crazy story."
"Right? I told you it required some background. Do you understand why it is so hard to talk about my parents?"
"Hah. Yeah. I think I get it. But what happened to the fish?"
Daire made a motion as if he was swinging a bat.
"I stuck it to the wall, and that is where it's been ever since."
"Thank goodness I have context for all that, or I would be completely lost."
Daire belly laughed.
"Honestly, I didn't think I'd have time to finish. I only managed because we hit two dead ends and had to double back. Which is aggravating because I can see steeple right there!"
Daire waved an aggressive hand at the towering structure rising over the average housing. The duo was having difficulty pathfinding through the massively unorganized layout of the city.
The only reason he was sure he went in the right direction was that he could see the steeple of the church... or was it a cathedral? A mosque? The structure wasn't ordinary or recognizable architecture by any standards. And Daire knew his architecture.
It had flying buttresses, which are those beams you see in famous french architecture like Notre Dame. Yet these beams stretched up! Like spires from some floating magic tower. Atop the beams were orbs that Daire could only relate to Minarets, which come from Mosques. And hanging from these Minaret copycats were...
...Daire didn't know.
How do you describe that?
They looked like flying saucers danging from ivy-like vines creating abstract wind chimes. Except they never touched each other or made noise. Instead, they spun around an abstract axis. Sometimes he would look up, and these... alien chimes would be levitating towards the center steeple as if attracted by magnetism.
The bell in the tower, which would be the one normal aspect, served to demonstrate the glaring oddities further.
The insanity of it all made it him want to sketch the building at all angle. Not because he liked it, but because no one back home would believe such a structure existed, and no one would understand if he tried to explain it using words.
So he did take out a little sketchbook to starting rough sketches. Someone would appreciate it one day. If not, Daire could look back one day and get a good laugh out of it.
"Points for creativity, but that is ab-hor-able."
"I don't know; it's kind of cute."
"Hah! You would think that."
"Hey! What's that supposed to mean?"
Daire started cracking up. Violet looked peeved, but it wasn't because of her. It was because even his usually pin-point accurate sketches couldn't capture the steeple's character.
"Nothing. Nothing. I'm not laughing because of you. I am laughing at the building."
"Why are you making fun of it? It looks interesting."
"You haven't studied architecture and history. That building looks more like a kid's art project than a place of worship. A kid who was smoking something he shouldn't have been."
Daire waved the statement away before Violet could latch on.
"Look at these buildings around us, for example."
Violet did. They looked normal to her. They were the only buildings she had ever seen in person before. So this is normal.
Daire saw the shingled roofs and chimney stacks, the shuttered windows, and largely wooden frames. The half-timbering structures reminded him of 16th century England.
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Those were the normal buildings, mind you.
The oddities started rather extremely with that storefront they passed on their way into town. It had a transparent glass storefront. The window, the entire wall, the door, and even the small handicap ramp leading to the front door were entirely made of glass.
Daire had seen a lot of building made with brick or mudbrick. Some were all wood. A few larger buildings had concrete foundations. At least two businesses he passed had thatch roofing, and Daire was almost positive teepee's resided along the city's outer ring. None of it matched.
It was like a kid's sandbox.
"All these buildings we've seen are a product for different cultures been thrown together. This city is a melting pot, yet still segregated into sections."
"Melting pot?"
"It is what it sounds like—a plethora of different races, species, and people from different cultures living in a single area. People who lived in barren, icy landscapes would build their homes out of scarce materials while being as insulated as possible. Similarly, desert dwellers build with solid walls to block the harsh winds and grating sand, yet they aren't insulated the same way those from the tundra."
"...Plethora."
Violet giggled.
"What I am trying to say is, there is a reason. There is a reason there are so many homes and businesses built so differently. BUT!"
Daire held up a finger.
"That abomination makes no sense culturally or logically! I also can't imagine how it would relate religiously."
"I think I understand."
"It would make sense to have water flowing through the flying buttresses, like aqueducts, to honor a deity of Water. Or have colored braziers for a deity of Fire, or have the building built of pure granite to honor an Earth deity, or..."
Daire glanced at Violet as she started to clutch her head with a frown.
"You get the idea. My point is that those absurd dongles should serve no purpose in religious representation either. They are pointless as far as I can tell."
"They are cute."
It was Daire's turn to frown and rub his temples. He wisely decided to shut up rather than continuing to rant and rave about the insanity of it all.
"You know a lot about buildings."
Daire sniffed a little before answering begrudgingly.
"I studied. For years. Didn't I tell you?"
Violet's pitch went up an octave.
"Maybe? Didn't you mention being an artist? I've seen your sketches, and you even designed our 'logo'."
"Architecture and buildings fall under my artistic purview. Art is anything and everything. I studied a lot so that I could have a wide breadth of knowledge when I started creating. I never did learn how to use a proper camera, though..."
"Isn't that what your 'phone' is? A 'camera'?"
Daire blinked.
"Why are you saying it so weird?"
"I am doing bunny marks. Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?"
Thinking about bunnies made him want to hurl.
"Did I not show you how the camera works? Phones evolved into holding cameras, but they aren't optimal for taking pictures. I was speaking more about my inability to operate a specialized camera. Like the ones that can capture the most minute details all the way down to your fingerprints."
Daire came to a halt as they had run into another dead end. That shouldn't have happened as he was heading straight for the church. He could see it. Right. There. But someone's townhouse blocked the path.
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If Daire were a less upstanding citizen or a more daring sort, he would just walk through said abode or simply scale the building. Instead, Daire sighed before turning around and searching for another path.
This is why I hired Emmi.
"A phone was originally designed to speak to someone over long distances. It seemed like witchcraft at first, but people loved the idea of talking with people that were in different rooms, or down the block, or in entirely different towns. Then we connected the world."
Thinking about it gave him perspective. He'd used a rotary before they became antiques but was never around before phones were normal.
"Eventually, people started adding other functions. A camera was one of the first innovations after phones became handheld. It's a specific tool designed to capture an image in perpetuity. Here, I'll just show you instead of blabbering about it like a ninny."
Daire dug his phone out from his pocket. Android.
It had a pink protective metallic case and black rubber lining. The case used to be red but had faded substantially with time. It was only a couple of years old, but Daire had dropped it a few... thousand times.
Which was why he spent the cash on the best protection. And look! It was still scratch-free under the screen protector.
Daire navigated to the camera feature, chose the "selfie" option, and turned the camera on him and Violet.
Violet watched in amazement as the clear surface reflected her image. It was like still water, only cleaner, somehow more real.
Daire brought it close, so only his head was in the frame, with Violet hovering a couple of inches away.
"Say cheese!"
Violet started.
"C-Cheese!"
*Click*
The reflection flashed, blinding Violet for a moment.
"Whoops. Forgot about the flash. My bad."
Daire let his arm down and examined the photo with a frown. Violet rubbed her eyes before descending to get a clear view. She gasped.
"Is that us!? But we- we aren't- I mean, I'm not next to your head anymore, and..."
"That is what a picture is. It captures a moment in time. Quite extraordinary now that I think about it. It's become so normal for me."
Daire squinted and saw in the background the ugly dongles from the church.
"Ugh, let's take another one. That absurd decoration is in the background. Hold on; I'll delete this one and then-"
"NO!"
Daire jumped, dropping the phone.
It was undamaged.
Fifty dollars well spent. Unlike that pricey solar charger. Pfft.
"Pfft."
Oops, I did that out loud.
"Why are you upset? We can easily take another-"
"No! No, you can't! We need to keep it. It's the first one! My first one. Our... I mean, you can't just destroy it. It is amazing, and those dongles are cute, and, and, and-"
Daire put up his hands placatingly. He soothed her worry.
"Okaaay... Alright. We will keep it. I won't delete it."
Daire understood. He really did. For someone never having seen a camera or never even seen a proper mirror before, this must look like a minor miracle.
He was partly wrong in that he never saw the glass shard Violet kept at home. However, it wasn't a mirror. It was just a semi-reflective glass covered in soot and dusty fingerprints, but still.
"Can you make it the screensaver?"
"Wha- How-How do you? No! Not with those stupid, inane, benign dongles waving behind-"
=
The wind paused to stare as a strange pair traveled the winding roads of Milton. One, a very pleased, practically glowing pixie. The other, a glowering human man who kept dragging his feet while fiddling with a metal box.
Eventually, the man looked up with a huff.
"There. See?"
Violet squealed a little as she saw the picture again.
"AH! It's so amazing! And we can do this whenever? Come on, let's take more. OH! We need to take a picture with Trinket! And Night, and Light! And- OH! Take a picture of that over there. Oooo!"
Daire decided to let her energy run out. She was on a high of new possibilities. He wasn't so upset that she got her way. More so that he caved so easily.
Not that it matters a whole lot. And it is a decent picture.
He couldn't bring himself to interrupt Violet's joy. It was so pure. The way she sparkled made Daire smile and enjoy listening to her.
=
"This is what I wanted to show you."
Daire thrust a finger into Violet's midsection.
In the picture.
After Violet calmed down and Daire took a few more random photos to quell her excitement, he brought up the topic of cameras again. Showing Violet the picture, he pointed at a grainy section that was part of Violet's dress.
"See? You can't see the patterns of what I assume are blinking leylines in your dress. Or maybe they are just stitches that shift when it blows in the wind. Also, why is your dress blowing in the wind when there is no wind?"
Daire stared at her, his face extra close. Nothing tickled his nose or brushed against his cheek.
"I do that."
"You just do that?"
"Yup."
Daire blinked.
"Okay, Avatar. Good to know."
Daire brought attention back to the photo.
"When I zoom in that far, the only thing remaining is pixels. These tiny squares of color. The whole photo is made of them, but they aren't tiny enough to get all of the detail."
Violet squinted. She snapped her fingers, finally seeing what he was talking about.
"Ah-ha! So they're called pixels. I thought they were just happy squares."
"I'm not even going to ask."
A deep inhale and exhale later.
"A real, good quality camera would be able to capture every detail from stitching in your dress to the motes of lights in your eyes."
"That was very poetic."
"Bah. Should I have said the dark circles under your eyes instead?"
Violet squeaked, feeling at her eyes.
"Joking. I'm joking. There aren't any. Not that I could see them without being nose to nose. Even then, I would probably go cross-eyed..."
Daire trailed off, leaving Violet feeling self-conscious. When Daire's mind stopped wandering, he got back on track.
"As I said, the picture could be better."
Violet's tone became sarcastic.
"Right. The amazing camera is not good enough."
Daire nodded along, then blinked a few times.
"Why did we start talking about cameras again?"
Violet tilted her head, putting a finger to her chin.
"You mentioned never studying cameras, I think."
"Hah! That is hilarious! I totally forgot. Right, so... A real camera... I've studied basically every art form, medium, construction method, and so on. There are a few obscure ones I never dived into but still have general knowledge on. Except for cameras. I don't know how to operate a real camera."
"Is it that difficult?"
"Yes. Er, no. No. not really."
They had finally backtracked enough to find the correct street leading to the church. Helpfully, there was a sign.
"I grew up with little access to cameras other than the ones where you aim and click. Then you rolled the film back. That was incredibly satisfying, by the way."
Violet just gave Daire a blank look.
"Erhm. New cameras, the fancy ones, have several functions for zooming, enhancing, storing imagery. It is all very different from a phone or an old-timey camera."
"You sound like you know a lot."
"I know a lot, yes. But if someone thrusts a camera into my hands, I would most likely fumble it."
Daire looked bizarrely proud of this statement.
"If I didn't drop it, I would struggle to figure out the controls for zooming, turning the flash on, searching through the storage... I would probably spend thirty minutes failing to take a picture while forgetting to take the lens cap off!"
Was he bragging?
Daire was looking for sympathy, support, or exasperation, something, from his audience, but Violet didn't have any proper reference for most of the terms he was using. So Violet, in a Violet fashion, stared blankly at Daire until he became uncomfortable.
It was like she was always expecting more. As if something groundbreaking would be mentioned off-handedly in all the minutia Daire spouted.
Daire coughed into a hand.
"Um? So... Yeah."
He looked around awkwardly.
Violet just stared.
"Yeah... I got nothing."
Conscious light gradually returned to Violet's blank gaze as she turned forward with disappointment. Then she threw up her hands in excitement.
"Look! There's the church!
She sped off through the air, leaving Daire to contemplate why he ever opened his mouth, to begin with.
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