《BurgerPunk: Pizza Time》19. It's Good To Be Home

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“What the hell, Steven?” he said as they pulled into the endless parking lot. “What the hell happened here?” said Rob.

“What are you talking about? Look, the MegaTechMart is just on the other side. Y’know, where the bookstore used to be.” The car abruptly stopped mid parking lot intersection.

“Are you telling me they got rid of Bookies?” Steven could not see the glare and furrow of Rob’s brow as he continued staring straight into the abyss. “They got rid of the goddamn book store? The only bookstore in the entire north side of the city? Are you telling me I have to drive 45 minutes east to get to the chain bookstore?”

“Actually,” muttered Steven, “The BookDepot is actually a pet store now. Like a really nice one for boutique pets.” The car began inching forward again.

“A pet shop? A pet shop. My god, does no one read anymore? Wait, what the fuck is this?” The car slowly passed another store front. The parking spots that once buttressed against the entrance were now a series of wooden decks, covered in blue and black modernist tables and chairs. A sign above them in bright yellow, as to contrast any semblance of color pallet or continuity, said ‘Dino’s Bar and Grill’ and in smaller text bellow it said ‘y’know, like in that song by Thin Lizzy.’

“Who the fuck eats here, Steven? I’ve been gone for four years and everything is different in all the wrong ways. Who drives out here to eat at a place like this? Does it have a Michelin star? Does it have a famous chef? You know no one in our neighborhood can afford crap like this. Who is this for?”

“It’s brand new. Before it was a bistro that only served vegan half sandwiches. They didn’t stay in much business because they threw away half their inventory. Before that it was a pizza place that used goat cheese. It was wild.” The car pulled past a sea of grey and black 250 trucks.

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“Wait,” Said Rob, “Was the little shop that was only open on thursdays that sold knick knacks to grandmothers now a western dance hall?” The car hit a speed bump, slowly, with effort.

“Oh yeah. It’s great. I don’t go there, but I’ve heard they have some great bands there sometimes.”

“Right, some stadium country bullshit that sounds like a dandy with an acoustic guitar on a reverb pedal. Did they take down the little bar down the way where actual talented folk musicians and outlaw country musicians would actually play?”

“Dude, The Spooky Saloon closed down like, the next week after you went off to college.” Steven looked down into his hands, mindlessly swiping, his eyes glancing to his left occasionally. He rolled down his window.

The car passed a small store called ‘Smart Toilets’ that caught Steven’s eye. “A whole store for toilet technology?”

Rob smirked. “Oh shit, I actually know about this one. It’s a Polynesian company, they sell themselves as the internet of things for modern bidets, but in reality, none of the software works and the owner has a class action against them. I heard it was actually a front for money laundering and oceanic mafia stuff. The money gets funneled back home so they can buy boats. But not just like, yachts. But like, actual military grade attack boats. Something about ‘the great conquering of the ocean like their forefathers.’ Crazy shit dude.”

“There’s the MegaTechMart, Rob, let’s get that replacement USB controller you broke for the fourth time. I gotta piss real bad.”

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