Fighting and fighting and fighting. Shooting and shooting and shooting. There was no end to it. Repeating the same fruitless actions gradually turned me into a zombie. I needed a break.

I took a stroll along the shore. Anybody could easily eliminate me right now,, but I didn’t care. It’s not like dying a few hundred more times would change anything about my situation.

There were a couple of things I learned. First, this place was definitely an island. I managed to walk a full loop along the shore, which meant the whole land was surrounded by sea.

Second, escaping the island via swimming was impossible. I gave it a few shots, but the sea went on and on without end. There wasn’t anything in the distance no matter how far I swam. In the end, I always ran out of energy and returned to the land.

What would happen if I drowned? I didn’t have the guts to test it. So far, I had only been eliminated via being shot by these “stun guns”. I could write that off as “losing consciousness”. Drowning, however, was... death. I’d either truly die, or wake up all over again as if nothing happened. Neither sounded like something I’d like to experience.

There were others who tried to escape by swimming, but I didn’t check how they fared. I didn’t want to see anybody drown. If players could drown to death and still continue the game as if nothing happened, it’d mean we’re all... that this place is...

To clear my mind, I took a break and sat down at the shore. The gunfire behind me felt so distant. There was only the deep, overstretching sea in front of me. No running around. No fighting. Just a silent, calm sea.

My mind became hazy. I felt myself sucked into the peaceful sea, merging with it. Random thoughts flowed from the back of my brain.

When was the last time I slept? Or ate? Or drank? I never saw anybody else doing these things either. Yet, we were always full of energy and ready to fight anytime.

What’s the deal with my amnesia? Hugo Brener. 21 years old. A college student. Did I really remember these details? Or, did I just know them? I could state with certainty I was a college student, yet I couldn’t recall anything about said college.

“Ugh.” My head was splitting in half. It felt as if my brain wanted to break out of my skull. A dissonance. Dizziness. Gah.

“You okay?” Someone tapped me on the shoulder.

“Ugh... yeah.” I turned around in a daze. The speaker was an old man. I think I had seen him somewhere before...

“May I sit here?” He asked. His words brought me back to my senses. The headache gradually vanished.

“Sure... Not like I own this spot.”

“Hah, true that.” He produced a weak laugh as he sat down. I wasn’t wary of the man in the slightest, even though a short while ago I had trained myself to shoot anything that moved. I didn’t care anymore. I must had reached enlightenment over the last couple of cycles. I was more than ready to ascend to a higher dimension and leave this ghetto.

“I don’t believe I’ve seen you around before.” The old man stretched his hand. “Ben.”

“Hugo.” I shook his hand. This common gesture felt so alien. When was the last time I engaged in a human conversation? I wasn’t even sure I still remembered what “conversation” meant.

“Lost your way?” Ben asked.

“That’s how I look?”

“In my experience, those who make a hobby out of sea gazing are usually lost.” Ben smiled wryly. His “experience” was probably quite robust. I finally remembered I had seen him a couple of times before, always sitting at the shore. He must had given up on fighting a long time ago.

“I just... feel there’s no point anymore.” I mumbled. “No matter what I try, I just can’t win this thing.”

“Mhm. Understandable.” Ben nodded. “Most people either give up or lose their mind.”

“There’s no third option?”

“Hmm. Some cope with it.” Ben stroke his chin, carefully considering his words. “They find something to latch onto and it keeps them going.”

“Something... like what?” There’s nothing in here. Nothing a human could possibly find value in.

“Hrm.” Ben eyed me intently before answering, as if examining me. “Right, for example, some resort to bullying. They bask in a sense of superiority by hunting those weaker than themselves.”

“That’s... pretty low.” I could only mumble, for I had experienced this before. Whenever I ran into the camper woman and eliminated her, it made me feel strong. It helped me avert my eyes from the depressing reality.

No, it wasn’t just that. Thinking back on it, I started stalking her at some point. Whenever I spotted her nearby, I purposely picked the same hideout as her. She was weak, so I knew I could eliminate her with ease. One could try justifying my actions with words like “revenge” or “tactics”, but it was undeniable I enjoyed feeling superior to her. Disgusting.

“What’s wrong? Remembered something nasty?” Ben’s words brought me back to reality.

“I... I may be guilty of using this coping method you mentioned.”

“I see. That’s hardly uncommon. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mean to condemn people who resort to bullying.” Ben tried to reassure me with a smile. “It may sound unpleasant, but bullying is a legitimate coping mechanism, especially in a situation like this.”

“Heh, so you’re telling me to go bully people?” I cracked a laugh. Why did this guy talk to me in the first place? Was he trying to set me up somehow?

“Whether you pick bullying or something else is up to you. However, sitting here doing nothing is not healthy for you.”

“Look who’s talking. Aren’t you always here at the shore?” My words come out harsher than I intended, but I really couldn’t stand his hypocrisy.

“Yes, you’re right. I’ve given up on fighting a long, long time ago.” Ben cast his eyes downwards with a wry smile. “Haha, I’m just too old for all this action, you know?” He tried to relieve the atmosphere with a dry laugh.

“Don’t worry, I don’t have any ulterior motives here. However, there’s one piece of advice I’d like to give you.” Ben’s eyes turned serious. “Idle thoughts are poisonous in this place. You had a vertigo a moment ago, yes?”

“Huh? How did you know?”

“It was written on your face. I’ve seen enough people dealing with it. Gazing at the sea is really calming, yes? It makes you think about topics which are better left untouched. You get it, yes?”

“Yeah, I think I get it.” My headache began when negative thoughts poured from sealed corners of my mind. Evidence I tried to ignore and questions I tried to suppress. Indeed, some topics were better left untouched.

“So what’s your verdict, doc?” I smirked. “You’re telling me to go bully people so I can take my mind off these things?”

“If that’s what helps you, yes. If it doesn’t agree with your sense of justice, how about bullying other bullies? Some people even call that ‘being a hero’.”

“Bully other bullies, huh.” It sure had a nicer ring to it. The first image to pop in my mind was that of a certain scumbag, who shot me without warning on my first cycle. Yeah, hunting him down should keep me occupied for a while.

“Thanks, doc. That may actually work.”

“Glad to hear that.”

“Now, with my ‘coping mechanism” figured out, what’s exactly your way of coping with this situation? I’ve only ever seen you loafing around at the shore.”

“Haha. Think of this consultation as my coping mechanism.”

“Is that so.” I more or less understood. Ben gave up on fighting, but he kept himself busy by helping others regain their fighting spirit. A practical example of “Do as I say, not as I do”. It may had been a tad hypocritical, but I didn’t mind at this point.

We talked some more and I found Ben agreeable for the most part. The way he acted like a know-it-all sage irked me a little, but I got used to it over time. We kept chatting until-

BAM

-someone decided to take us both out.