I have started having trouble recalling my beginning. The events of my childhood, the moment I became the entity people know today, even the names of those I cared for, are becoming blurry.

She tells me this is to be expected, considering my age. She says it was an oddity that I could recall everything I know so well up until now. I have to wonder if it has something to do with sleeping or the time since I last had a full rest. She doesn't know.

I believe her when she says all she can do is guess, as my testament is the only thing resembling an accurate one about my circumstance. But, even I cannot fully grasp the scope of my madness. Have I started valuing life less than I once did? Perhaps I have begun to see the world as a plaything? Or, maybe I am worse than that at times?

She is not an accurate measure of this, and they aren't around right now.

So, the only thing I can think to do for both measuring my madness and leaving a record of myself, for myself, is to start writing.

She was ecstatic to hear me say I'd be starting a journal of sorts—no surprise, considering her thirst for new information. My life is something she has begged me to write down numerous times prior. But, before now, I saw only detriment in putting my record of events on paper.

That wasn't always the case. I recall having a single journal once before. I used it mostly for notes and drawing, but on occasion, I left my thoughts in the rough pages. She doesn't have a copy, but that tome may still exist. Not that I see it worth seeking out.

I will start by writing down the things furthest from today in a different volume. This one will be for my thoughts about my current circumstance. She prefers if things are in some way organized.

Ever forward, but never let yourself forget.

She's started keeping the tomes of what is functionally my autobiography in their own separate section. When I asked her why she said it was because some of the things I detailed in them placed them as some of her highest security pieces. I've never really understood the system she uses to judge if she should permit someone to view a section or not. She tells me it's only to stop people from viewing knowledge that they have no chance of understanding. I wonder if that's the truth.

Ever forward, even if you can't see the path.

I finished writing down everything; she assures me that she'll keep them safe, not that I had a concern about that. I decided to travel again now that I don't have any projects that require finishing. She saw me off, saying she looks forward to what new knowledge I will return to her next time I come to stay.

I don't quite know when or if that will come to pass. Or if I'll even have anything worth giving to her should I return. When I expressed this sentiment, she said I, and any I bring with me, are welcome, no matter if I bring something or not. I'll have to keep that in mind.

Ever forward, even when those you care for can't follow.

I found the last of my kin; the world changed a lot since he was imprisoned. Or has it returned to something he will recognize? An interesting question, but not one I will bother to answer. I'll be heading to follow the summoned around for a while after this. So, I won't have time to acclimate my kin to the world. I wish him the best; hopefully, he doesn't do anything too extreme.

Ever forward, for that is what I owe them.

This summoned was quite odd. He chose not to pursue martial strength but political clout. But, like all the rest, I watched him till his end and offered him the choice. He chose to remain, one of the few who decides to do so. I wonder what he left behind if anything. But, again, this is not something I will pursue. I do my best not to pry into the lives they leave behind.

Ever forward to meet the next soul caught by my past actions.

I have never sought out love. Companionship is something everyone needs, but that does not always entail romantic love. I have surrounded myself with relationships built on respect and mutual understanding. I care for all those who chose to walk with me, even we choose paths that diverge from each other. But, now, I walk amongst people and see love, prominent and open. It is both beautiful and rotten. Some let their love show, only to hide the truth behind closed doors. Others genuinely live what they showcase to the world around them.

I question now, should I have sought out love? Can I still do so? And if I can, would it be fair to either of us to pursue those feelings? I can't say I won't seek out the answer to these questions, but I also don't think it will become my focus for some time. Maybe I will come across a situation that gives me a reason to pursue the answers I don't know; perhaps I won't.

Ever forward to see all this world can offer me.

I ran into ILJ. She was stunned to see me; she thought I'd have died or gone mad by now. We talked about the past, about what we'd both done to each other. She forgave me for my actions—a welcome surprise, considering how she was when we first met. She questioned if I could ever forgive her and the others.

I explained that I had forgiven all of them long ago. My resentment had turned to pity over time, then that pity dictated I free them, even if they could not see that as what I was doing. The laugh she let out at the comment was a sad one. I understood why it would be, with everyone we lost to get here. She told me that some of them had not forgiven me but would not pursue their resentment. I appreciate the information, as it tells me I needn't tread as cautiously as I have.

We said our goodbyes and went our separate ways. I wish her the best because, like me, she is too old for this and far too capable at what she does.

I walk ever forward, ever toward the next soul who my actions have impacted.