Amanda scoffed as I drifted off the group to go with Cody to have a drink with him and his friends at Alyssa’s party. Alyssa was too busy making sure nobody broke anything to pay attention to us. Megan had drifted off somewhere. If I had a guess it would be with Chad and his friends. Like I cared, but I did care.

Chad is everything you would expect from someone who had that name. He’s a complete douchebag. I mean, so is Andrew but at least Andrew didn’t give a crap what you thought of him, but I’m getting ahead of myself.

Cody and I have been talking ever sing the bonfire but I didn’t expect him to do the same thing here that he did there. This time he wanted me to hang out with his friends. I agreed.

They were all standing near the living room couches. The only one sitting down was that kid Chris. Two sophomores girls were with him, named Kate and...I forget. It doesn’t matter. Chris was saying, “Yeah, I can do all that.”

“Wow! So like, you can hack into my stuff?” The girl name Kate asked.

“Yeah.”

“Wow, that is so cool,” the other one said. My best guess was that they were trying to hook up with Chris but everyone knows it’s futile with him. As a dare, Jana once tried but Chris told her he was asexual and didn’t really care for any of that. The guys called him gay, the girls called him a freak. I just thought he was serious.

To Chis’s left was Sara, the goth girl who was talking to Emily over a red cup of beer. As we walked up to them, Carlos got in between Sara and Emily and starting talking to them. It was to be expected, he was friends with everyone. To Chris is left was Andrew. He was minding his own business, smoking a blunt. He saw us walking towards them, so he dropped the blunt on the carpet and stopped us.

“What’s this?”

“Getting a drink,” Cody replied.

Andrew looked over at me and smirked. I never did talk to him, but he always tried. “Aint she too good for us?”

“No one’s too good for anyone, Andrew,” I said back. He laughed and pulled out a bag of coke. I shook my head, “No thanks, I’m straight edge.”

“Riiiight,” Andrew laughing, going back to where he standing. Sara noticed and held her hand out. Andrew tossed her the bag.

Sara and Emily both kneeled down on the table in front of Chris where they laid out the lines. At this time, Cody and I were talking about what we were doing over the summer. I was supposed to spend a month vacation in Spain with my mom and her husband. Cody was staying in town doing the same thing he always does.

“Which is?” I asked.

“Passing time.”

“For what?”

“For anything.”

Cody laughed. I thought he was so cool. There I was, top of the food chain and still found myself admiring someone. I watched Sara and Emily do a line. Cody looked too, but then looked back right away.

This is how Darkwood was. This is how every gets together worked. You’ll invite as many people as possible, bring as much alcohol as possible, and do as many drugs as you can handle. This is how it’s always been, still is. The pure boredom that Darkwood caused made other towns aware, so after a while other high schools were coming in.

It didn’t matter what group, what clique you were in. It didn’t matter if you had the money or not. It didn’t matter who you were or who you are, just as long as you were willing to have fun. Darkwood was the place to have fun, simply because you had no other option.

It’s why I stand out. It a sea of addicts and dread, I stand above it all showing that I’m able to fight the darkness that Darkwood looms over people’s heart. Not once in my life have done anything other than alcohol.

“You’re Elizabeth Wilson,” a kid said to me while Cody and I were standing near the backyard’s entrance outside. Cody let me do all the talking.

“You know who I am?” I say more surprised than I actually am. (Which isn’t at all, to begin with)

“Well, yeah. Everyone knows who you are.”

Of course, they do. If you’re famous in one school, you’re famous in all schools. “And you are?”

“Eric Jensen. I uh-I go to Mount Si.”

“Right, because everyone is sooo cool at Mount Si. I’m busy, Eric. Leave me alone.”

Cody laughed when the kid left. “You didn’t have to be so mean.”

“He deserved it,” I sighed.

We both looked over at the direction the kid left. Andrew was over there, observing us, observing Eric. Andrew publicly laughed at the guy and said something to him. This pissed Eric off and Andrew didn’t hesitate to throw a punch. Nobody breaks them up.

Emily comes up to us. There isn’t an hour where these two aren’t together and my time was running out. “Elizabeth, Why don’t you join us in a game of ‘I never’. We’re inside.”

“No thanks, those games aren’t really my thing. Last time I played one, some secrets were talked about. I rather not be involved in that drama again,” I gave her one of my famous’ cheeky smiles.

“Are you talking about-”

I cut her off, “Yes.”

“Oh well, right. Cody?” She said extending her hand out.

Cody took it, “Talk to you later, yeah?”

“Yeah…”

It didn’t take a second for Andrew to run over to me. That Eric kid was already laying down on the ground, wincing in pain. “So what are you doing talking to Cody?” he asked.

Andrew didn’t even look like he was in a fight just now.

There are hundreds of rumors based around Andrew. Most of them aren’t true, while others are cemented into our brains with video proof. I’ve seen hundred of snaps of people showing the ridiculous stuff he gets into. The entire school has seen his dick. The entire school has seen him outrun a cop. The entire world has seen Andrew drink absurd about of alcohol. Andrew always seemed to be a guy without limits.

“We’re just talking.”

“Talking, talking? Or like, talking, talking,” Andrew places his hands over his jock and imitates doggy style. It’s funny.

I shared class with Andrew once. Last year, and it was only P.E. I never talked to him but he would always make everyone laugh, myself included. He was just a freshman back then and nobody really knew how capable he was. His intelligence is close to Chris but some reason he never shows it. Like, he never shows it. Andrew’s the type of person who will insult you and you’ll never know it. There was a rumor floating around that he made Hatfield cry last year. None of us know if it’s true, but they say he made constant subtle jokes and they all added up one day.

I remember that once in P.E, Andrew managed to sneak out of stretching unto the girl’s locker room. In those short five minutes, he managed to steal all the girl’s clothes and move them to the boy’s. At the time, us girls never locked our stuff away because of this understanding we had that we shouldn’t mess with each other. Andrew quickly changed that. It took an hour just for us to get our clothes back and Andrew never got in trouble for it. That was also the day where we all came to the realization that Andrew was a bit of a dick and not because he just was, he wanted to.

Andrew quickly became a force of nature.

“We’re just talking, thanks,” I laughed.”

“Right, wanna talk?”

“About what?”

“Found out that your friend Megan tote’s banged that faggot, Chad? Oops,” he said, imitating Amanda’s annoying voice more than anything.

I uncrossed my arms, “How do you know that?”

“Please,” he scoffed, “He’s not that great at keeping secrets. Or keeping his phone locked.”

I sighed, “now what?”

“Up to you. I don’t give a shit.”

“But you’re just waiting for the fallout between me and Megan.”

“Sure, why not.”

“And if it doesn’t happen?”

He shrugged, “Couldn’t care less. I would ask if you wanna smoke, but you think you’re too pure for that.” I halved smile knowing Andrew didn’t make the common mistake of saying, “I could care less.” It’s one of my pet peeves. Instead, he said, “So would a drink do?”

I made sure I smiled, “Sure.”

I followed Andrew inside where I spot Chad who was talking to his friends. He mugged Andrew and the guy just laughed it off.

I’m drunk after my sixth cup.

Jana Kramer is called Jana Kramer because she can quote any line from any character that Jana Kramer, the actress, has ever said. Jana has always been known as Jana Kramer, but just ‘Jana’ had become more common as saying Jana Kramer all the time had become tiring. We still call her Jana Kramer from time to time.

From the moment I met her, Jana Kramer has never changed her hair. It’s always been a light brown shade that straight and curly at the same time. She explained the consistency is in her character and she won’t ever change. Of course, I told her she was full of crap because she was my protege.

“I saw you talking to Andrew,” she said to me on the couch Chris was once sitting on a few hours earlier. Jana was too giggly and visibly drunk, but so was I, so I can’t talk. “He was like, so trying to hit on me earlier.”

I tried to make sense of the first conversation I had with Andrew earlier that night. I don’t recall much. Andrew always tries to hit on someone. Everyone always tries to hit on me. I was used to it. “You gonna fuck him?” I asked, laughing and bumping my shoulders with her. “He’s your year.”

“Nah,” she scoffs, “I fucked Connor earlier though,”

I turned my head towards her, as this was big news. “No way, bitch. Is he as big as everyone says he is?” But I already knew the answer.

“I’ve only had sex twice now, so I don’t know. He’s bigger than that jerk, Mark though,” Jana laughed. “Am I slut for having sex with the only black guy in our friend group?”

Ew. “First of all, don’t say ‘have sex’, we’re not 12, Jana. Second, no. We don’t slut shame here. It’s called being Sex Positive.”

We laughed together. From the corner of my eye, I caught Cody walking by. He glanced over at me before returning his gaze back forward. Jana Kramer noticed this. “So what’s the deal with you and Cody? First the bonfire, now tonight?”

“I don’t know,” I shook my head, watching Cody walk through the crowd. “His eyes are so captivating.”

“You gonna fuck him?” Jana wasn’t even paying attention anymore, so I didn’t bother to answer her. “This snapchat app is cool,” she said while taking a selfie. “Let’s take one together, c’mon.”

My selfie smile has been perfected over weeks of shameless taking thousands of thousands of selfies in my bathroom, usually around midnight. I never say no to a selfie, especially one that comes from my friends. Jana was still stuck in the ‘duckface’ phase of selfies. She’ll learn, I was going to teach her, as I thought of Jana to be my successor. If she can learn how to do better makeup and take better photos, I’ll say she’ll have the shot to be queen for a year before that Lindsey girl takes over.

All the sudden, a green body falls on top of us. “What the fuck?” Jana complained, trying to get it off of us.

It was Chris, he was laughing. “Sorry, girls,” he said as he got off us. He must have been laughing at something Sara had said, who was the only person talking to him. Sara looked at me and smiled. I tried to smile back but I don’t remember if I was able to or not.

I zoned out Jana to listen to Chris and Sara for a second. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. That’s too funny,”

“No, it’s not!”

“No, it kinda is, but yeah, it makes sense. It fits you, Sara. Don’t worry, I won’t tell Andrew.”

Sara then started to laugh, “Wait, I guess you’re right. It is kind of funny that I’m gay. And thanks.”

This was news worthy of gossip. The quiet goth girl that becomes social with drugs, is gay. No, Chris is right, it does make sense. Sara has never had a boyfriend. Yet her brother didn’t know, which made it even juicer.

I looked over at Jana who was still talking, “...And look, look, Alyssa just sent us a snap back!” She says showing me the ten-second photo of Alyssa stressing over all the broken things Andrew has caused.

“I know how Snapchat works, Jana Kramer,” I laughed. “I’m always up to date with the latest trends. You should too.”

“Right!”

I turned my head forwards. Almost all the people standing around with red cups in their hands, there was Cody standing in the middle of them all, staring back at me. I’m not sure if it was the alcohol or the fact that I see my life as a movie, but everything became background until it was just me and him. “I’ll be back,” I told Jana. Of course, she noticed me getting up and walking straight up to Cody. This was for sure going to be up in Twitter in minutes.

Cody took the red cup in my hand and drank it all in one swing. “What are you doing here?” he asked. His voice was cool and husky like winter breath.

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

He laughed, taking hold of my hand and lifting up to his chest. “I think we already know the answers for both.”

Cody is confident. Not confident in a way where he has to overdue it just to put on a face, but natural. He’s always been like that, even in middle school. Now he was this man, not a boy who always knew what he wanted.

That’s one of the things many kids fail to see when they try to be my friend, or try to sleep with me or get me to like their status. They never have that natural confidence.

And it’s also weird too. In the span of half a week, Cody and I started to eye fuck each other every time we happen to catch eyes. Normally, this doesn’t happen. I just don’t ‘hook up’. I’m exclusive. I’m the queen.

In my head, I had a Drake song playing. It wasn’t one I ever heard before or one that existed. The beat was harsh. It was going hard. Drake was rapping over it which was not like him. The song was a banger.

Yet Cody was vicious. He’s a feral dog on the hunt for survival. It’s raw. It’s real. It’s rough. It’s amazing. Cody is the guy I lost my virginity to. It was awkward and embarrassing. It was like that for a while with others. Then it got better. Then it got good. But never this good. Oh god, Cody was good. It’s nothing like I ever felt before.

It took my teeth biting down into his neck to take me out this trance. But I’m sunk back in.

It’s about three times longer than any other. Everything else ended too fast, leaving me a bit regretful and dissatisfied. Yet Cody was controlled, calm, and hungry. I never felt it, but I somehow knew we were synchronized as one. It’s something I’ve read about: when you and your partner have fucked enough to know each other’s limits and can synchronize with each other. This is that.

I come. I feel him come but doesn’t. He fakes.

I was left panting on top of Alyssa’s bed. Cody got up to put his clothes on. “You didn’t do this just for the bragging rights, did you?” I asked, still catching my breath.

I don’t know if Cody looked at me or not, I was too busy staring at the ceiling. “I’m hanging out with my friends next week. We’re having a kickback at Emily’s. Come.”

“You’re just lying to make me think this more than it is.”

“A one night stand? Well, that’s up to you, really.”

I sat up. Cody looked at my eyes first, then at my breasts, then back at me. “Why would I hang out with them? They’re weird. The only cools ones are Andrew and Emily. Besides, I doubt Emily would want the girl you just fucked at her house.”

Cody scoffed a smile, “How many times do I have to tell you we’re not together? Just come. We don’t spend every waking moment on social media to tell the world you’re with us so you don’t have to worry about that.”

“Oh, ha, ha. Fine, I’ll come. Text me the details later.”

“I don’t have your number.”

“Then on messenger!”

“We’re not Facebook friends…”

I groan, “I’ll add you later and message you with all my contact info. And you better not be lying!”

I sat next to Jana Kramer again, this time on the chairs just outside the front porch. She’s smoking a joint. I wasn’t aware people still used those white papers to smoke. Jana and I didn't say anything until she finished it. In the meantime, I tried to watch people as Cody does, observant.

The way people talked to each other, the way they interacted, it all seemed to pointless to me. Perhaps it was at that moment where I decided it’s all pointless. Like the text of Megan.

Where the hell R U???

The crowd moved like robots. No one was actually there inside. Everyone was on something and if they weren’t they were looking for some. Then they all laughed, making me sick to my stomach, making me realize that I’m different from them.

So I started to lie to myself again.

I’m the queen of Mickle Ray High. I’m not easy, I’m picky. My say is golden. I’m an innovator of trends and see them coming years before they do. I’m that girl who will grow up to be successful. I’m that girl who gets everything she wants. Nobody can cross me. Nobody can corrupt me. I’m meant to be more than just another person this town drowns in its somber gray skies.

“You look like a mess,” Jana Kramer pulled me back in. Her voice was hoarse from the smoke. “Had fun?”

“You’re not gonna tell, are you?”

She shook her head, “Only if you don’t tell me the details.” I laughed, then explained everything all while staring in front of me; watching the sea of fucked up teenagers with no place to go or to be. After I was done, all she said was, “Wow. Maybe I should’ve tried for him instead of Connor.”

“Thanks, Jana Kramer.”

Megan O’Hare was talking to the three stars of our football team with Alyssa. I won’t mention their names because after tonight they don’t pop up again. I was standing next to them, letting Megan have the spotlight because she wanted to hook up with one of them. At one point, I suggest the four of us, excluding Megan and her guy, to get more drinks in the kitchen. One idiot refused, not understanding what was going on. It forced us to awkwardly make chit-chat with one another.

I SOS’ed texted Jana Kramer and Amanda to come save us. Both showed up, pulling the guys away. “I’m gonna get a drink,” I said to them.

“You okay, hun? You’ve been drinking all night?”

“I’m fine!” I said in an unexpected high pitched voice. I must have still been drunk.

I left my friends again to do my own thing. I seem to keep doing that a lot that night. Part of it was Cody’s fault, the other is that these parties get boring with the same people all the time.

I poured cherry vodka into the red cup, then add some fruit punch. Carlos stepped up next to me and reached for the same bottle. “Oh, hey Elizabeth,” he said.

“Hey.”

“Having fun?”

“Yeah. Great time.”

Carlos chuckled. “You’ve been a ghost tonight. You disappeared for a few hours. Usually, you try to hog all the attention for yourself.

True, but not tonight. I came with Megan, split off to talk to Cody. I talked to Andrew, then to Alyssa and whoever she was talking to. Then I went to sit with Jana and that’s when I disappeared with Cody for an hour. I came back down and sat with Jana Kramer again another before meeting up with everyone else. All that happened in three hours and it’s barely hitting midnight.

“I’m branching out,” I took a drink out of my cup.

Carlos was still making his, “There’s gossip floating around tonight,” he paused, “About you.”

“Oh yeah? About?”

“You and Cody.”

“It’s nothing. He probably just wants to split off from his group and join mine. He realized the errors of his ways before our final year,” I lied. At the moment, I thought it was a good one. I just forgot that Carlos was friends with everyone, and Cody is included in everyone.

Carlos chuckled, probably seeing through my lie. “That’s great.”

“Yeah, it is,” I took another drink. “What about you and Emily? Any luck with that?”

Carlos scoffed, taking a drink that he’d just finished. “What do you think?”

“You’re not trying hard enough.”

“I thought the point was to make it seem that I’m not trying.”

“No, the point is you getting into Emily’s pants. This is your mission, Carlos. I’m dying to hear what’s under her sweaters and large cardigans.”

He laughed, “Know something I don’t?”

I shook my head, “Nothing you haven’t heard.”

And speak of the devil, because Emily is the next one to show up in the table. “Hey Carlos!” she said with a great big smile, “Hey, Elizabeth,” not such a big one for me. “Mind making me something?”

“Sure.”

As Carlos makes the girl a drink, I took a half second to observe Emily’s outfit. Then I took another three because she looked away. Emily like always wore a gray sweater with a long red cardigan over it. It made her look bigger than she actually was. I also noticed she had a black and red bandana tied to her wrist, something I never have seen before, something new.

“Emily, I never seen you with a bandana, when did you start?”

“Hmm?” Emily looked over, “Oh! Uh, I always wear one. You probably haven’t noticed.”

No, impossible. I notice everything.

“It looks cute.”

“Thank you,” she smiled, “And thanks, Carlos,” after Carlos handed her a red cup. “Elizabeth, Cody me told me that you’re uh,” she stopped herself, taking a split second look at Carlos. “Nevermind. It’s stupid. I’ll tell you later...alone.”

“What? I can’t know?” Carlos complained.

“It’s girl talk, dude. Chill,” I quickly defended Emily.

“Hmm, well I gotta see if Sara’s okay. She’s been drinking a bit much. You’re hairs pretty, Elizabeth,” Emily said in a snarky tone. I knew she knew. There was no reason why she would comment on my slightly messed up blonde hair.

“Fuck, she so fine,” Carlos commented. “Once I get her, I’ll let you know.”

“Get some tips from Derek, I’m sure he’ll help you out.”

“They never fucked,”

“What?! Everyone’s saying they did. Derek said he did.”

“He told me the truth right before they broke up.”

“Why did they broke up? Is it because of Cody and how she’s soooo in love with him?”

Carlos shook his head, taking another drink. I joined him. “They broke up because Emily wouldn’t have sex with him.”

“Oh. Oh! And I told you, stop saying that,” I laughed. “So who has Emily hooked up with?”

“Well that thespian kid, Brian took her virginity last year,” (I would later find out that it was actually Cody) “Then there was Nic a few months later. And her final was Siler now, I guess.”

“With you coming up this Summer. You got this!”

“Thanks,” he chuckled. “So is this your girl talk you have with Megan or Alyssa?”

“Oh yeah,” I giggled, “We’re all about gossip and news.”

“So I heard,” Carlos took a drink. “So what’s up?”

“Hmm?”

“What’s your end goal?”

“That’s not something you would ask.”

“It’s not for me. I’m not asking.”

“Then who?”

“I can’t say.”

I smacked my lips and rolled my eyes. I only had three guesses: Cody, Amanda, and Chad. The latter probably asking because I broke up with him but the simple fact that he was annoying me. It didn’t help that he started telling everyone how amazing I was in bed. We didn’t even fuck. It’s no surprise he’s still obsessed over me because I caught him looking over from across the kitchen. “My endgame is to be my own person.”

Carlos took a full swing of his cup, probably finishing it. “You know how in every movie ever there’s that one girl who’s portrayed as queen of the school and is also a total bitch? Well, I’m glad you aren’t that. At least not obviously.”

“Carlos Ayon, are you hitting on me?” The red cup had hit me pretty hard, bringing me back to that level that I was with Andrew. I knew I was gonna have a killer hangover in the morning, but I always did so it didn’t matter.

“Do I have permission from Queen Elizabeth the second?”

“Go for it,” I slowly licked my lips just to see what he would do. “See where it gets you.”

I was sure my soft voice would get to him, but it didn’t. It only made him laugh again “You’re crazy, Eli.”

“Not as crazy as everyone else.”

Carlos looked over one more time. He’s handsome. Not the prettiest boy in school, but he could hold his own. Carlos has that natural confidence that I like, which makes it easy for me to friends with him. It’s not that I haven’t thought about it, I’m just not into ruining friendships like that. He didn’t know this, but if he wasn’t busy chasing Emily, I would’ve jumped his bones.

But I think deep inside that confidence was this broken guy just looking to have friends. It’s why he’s everyone and nowhere and friends with everyone. It’s just a theory. Carlos is excellent for us as he brings in the latest news.

Our conversation is cut short when the background of a crowd starts moving towards some yelling. I only recognized one voice, and surprise surprise, it’s Andrew starting another fight.