A life no longer her own

I

Lost

It is said that Luo Ming came upon it long before his reign. When he was still a lonesome mortal, traversing the vast continent of Shuanhuang. On his first year in the wild, beasts hounded him without a night's rest. On his second, the whispers of demons tried leading him astray. On his third, Luo Ming saw his path towards eternity crumble before his very eyes. Breathing his last moments in the wake of his failures, it appeared before him, standing tall on the horizon where it connected the heavens to the mortal world.

A city spanning the earth as if carved out of a single block of marble, placed onto the land of jade. A gift of light sent by the heavens, rewarding his courage of being the first who dared to enter the unknown. He, the man named Luo Ming, so the voices of heavens declared, is to guide his people to find their light in this world.

Since those records past, generations have gone by. The boots of man have trampled the streets of jade to dirt, and wars have scraped the walls a sullen grey. Over time, what was once descended from the flawless heavens had changed in the hands of mortals.

Though its lustre wasn't meant to last, the city's foundations stood strong against the envy of time. Its walls still coil around its denizen like a dragon protective of its kin. Children could roam the streets without the constant watchful eyes of their parents. The people's homes still hoisted their banners of prideful evergold; their flags like scales, shimmering in the rising waves of the wind.

Today, the Luo no longer carry the glory of their past; their city a capital no more, but there was greater to be found in its stead. The blessings of prosperity and peace, luring men from distant shores, and stealing women from their families in search of something more.

Emperor Luo Ming had crowned the home of his people, Zhanhai, the City of Our Dawn.

May its light last until the end of time.

***

A handful of drunken guards lounged inside the shadows of their barracks. Faces red from heat and liquor, they waved the people through the gates as if greeting old relatives instead of strangers. Their duty held no sway over them when the immediate threat of a blazing hot summer stood grimacing in the sky. The line of travellers and merchants, reeking of days of travel, appreciated it. As did I.

The superior-looking guard, however, pushing his way through the crowd, did not. Thankfully, I was already past the entrance when proper proceedings resumed. I was in no hurry, but the sun had gotten to me as well after spending more than a week on the road.

I bought some water from a nearby stall and checked my remaining funds. Little was left. If I was rejected in this city as well, I wouldn't be able to make the next trip. Stranded, I thought in a fit of ridicule. The heavens knew their humour well if nothing else.

I found the Guild I was looking for in a heartbeat. The outpost was built the same as in any other city. Not nearly as attracting as the duke's manor on the horizon, but just as unmistakable. The buildings of the Guild were made with a simple, minimalist design in mind, but I'm sure I'm not the first to tell you not to judge a book by its cover.

The Guild of Independent Cultivators. Created for anyone unaffiliated with a sect or distinguishable martial family who wished to practice the mysterious art of cultivation. To join them was the law for any independent practitioner, and recently, I'd found myself subjected to it.

Official reasons as to why this law existed, included the need to keep a census on the rampant increase of cultivators across the continent. Policing them was another reason. Be it a small country or an enormous empire, neither relished the thought of dealing with rampaging man-children too drunk on their power.

The relationship between the Guild and its member could otherwise be considered as one of business. No duty. No obligations. A stark difference to the traditional option of joining a sect. If the Guild had anything needing to be done, it was up to the individual to decide whether they would join the fight or not. Contribute, however, and hefty rewards would await you. As enticing a proposition as it was deadly.

You owed the Guild nothing, but it went both ways. Every resource it provided came with a few. There was no flaunting its name for protection either, and the best guidance for your cultivation was found in a sect or family, not the Guild.

There were some other rules one had to follow after joining, which could be succinctly summarized as 'don't be a jerk.' It's a simple matter, but cultivators tended to forget about it the most.

Or so, the talk was talked. Whether it was the law or not, a good place to be in or not, hardly mattered to me. The Guild could've had a horrendous reputation for all I cared. For me, it was simply the only place left to go. I couldn't think of any other options.

I stood in front of the lattice-patterned doors, gathering my senseless thoughts. Zhanhai made the thirteenth city I'd visited in the last four months as I tried applying for the cultivator's license. A part of me hoped it would play out differently this time. Yet, I also couldn't give a rat's fart about the outcome.

My family had disowned me, and I'd lost all ties to the Falling Star Sect. I hated dwelling on it. Thinking about it. Or do anything about it, really. Forgetting would be best, but that was an impossible task. Just one thing was as clear to me as the sky above my head.

The young master was no more.

But I knew that unless I tried something different this time, it would end the same as before. Another rejection. I'd already tried anything I could think of, but there was no arguing the rules of the Guild. Bargaining had failed, as had bribes. Begging had been met with ridicule. Now, I was without money and one last chance. One last idea. I shuddered at the thought of it, but I took my step forwards regardless, pushing past the swinging doors. Their creaking sounded like ridicule to me.

Head held high, I strode across the ceramic floor, ignoring the curious gazes shot my way. Those people were undeserving of my interest. Someone dared to stand in my way, so I pushed him aside. When he faced me for it, his mouth hung open, unmoving. I looked down on him. He was taller, and I still did so, until he left grumbling without a word. As he ought to.

It went well. Easy. An act that wasn't one. My body remembered the life it had lived, donning the past like an old and well-worn robe. It was engraved into my soul. I hated every moment of it - I was ashamed, but I pressed onward.

I cut in line, meeting the scrutinizing gaze of the reception lady behind the counter. She hid her dissatisfaction, giving me a resplendent smile as if there weren't a dozen people shooting venomous glares at me from behind. Yet, none of them spoke up. The silver lines still shone through my ocean-blue robe despite the accumulated dirt. It was made of a cloth that would make anyone think thrice before their actions.

"Welcome to the Guild of Independent Cultivators, my lord," she said. Strangers always thought me older. "How may I be of service?"

Here goes nothing. I put on a relaxed smile of my own, leaning closer to her, an arm resting on the counter. My hand reached for a strand of her hair, which she gently pushed aside with a bashful smile. I shrugged.

"Give me one of those... licenses, or whatever you call them," I shooed her away with my hand, "and be quick about it, I don't have all day."

"My apologies, my lord," she bowed, trying to hide a fraction of her smile cracking apart. "There are certain procedures we have to follow. First, we must perform a test, and then-"

"A test?" I slammed my hand down onto the counter, raising my voice. "A test, you say? Ridiculous! Do you not realize who you're talking to?"

Shocked by my sudden outburst, the lady stumbled backward, her eyes darting sideways for help.

"Look me in the eyes, girl, and know that my name is Fang Shin!"

Murmur erupted from the surrounding tables, my words drawing the attention of the entire hall. The receptionist's eyes lit up in understanding as she met my own. Zhanhai might have been too far away for my own name to travel, but not my family's. The faint silver lustre swirling within my eyes was enough to convince her of the truth of my words.

"Fang...!" Her polite facade broke down as she stared at me with widening eyes, covering her mouth. "I-If your reverence is affiliated with-"

"That is nothing of your concern, I'm here for a license, girl!" I shook my head annoyed. "I know how your little rules of silly independence work, or do you take me for such a fool?"

"N-No. Of course not, your reverence, of course not," she shook her head as if desperate to tear it off her shoulders. The first onlookers stood up from their seats. Some left the building while others glared at me. They were held back by their fellow companions who grabbed their arms with shaking heads.

"Then stop worrying, and do what you're paid for. You've learned of my name, yet I still don't see a license in my hands," she evaded my eyes, her trembling lips forming only gasps of air. "A test! The audacity of some peasants, unbelievable. Fine then, so be it. I'll humour you. Show me this great test of yours."

I spat the words. She nodded like a servant, hurrying to the back with a relieved sigh. The counter was left empty except for me. Though the bystanders had grown more agitated, they kept their distance. The lady gave me enough time to wonder yet again. Why was I doing this? Going through all this trouble for that license. I had no desire to cultivate anymore. But... what else was I to do? Cultivating. Martial arts. It was all I'd ever known. After I'd lost everything, it became all the more obvious to me.

It seemed, nothing was left of the young master, Fang Shin from the Fang Family of the Falling Star Sect, when you took away his family, his sect, and his precious titles.

The lady came back, holding two crystal balls and a sheet of paper. Each crystal was embedded in a small pedestal of wood. It was the same test as always. I ripped the paper away from her hands and took out my own feather and ink case, scribbling while trying to hide my unease.

After writing down the miscellaneous information, I put my hand on the first crystal, the white one. It turned darker as I absorbed the Qi within, gathering it inside me as if taking a large breath. I reached my limit when the crystal was a faint grey. I raised it and stamped the wooden bottom onto the paper.

"Final step of Nurturing," the lady spoke aloud although I was certain they had a secrecy policy in place. It wasn't the first time it had happened either. "At age f-fifteen..."

The entire room drew in one sharp breath. Those who'd hesitated about intervening clapped their partners on the shoulder as gratitude for their wise foresight.

What the crystal had measured was my cultivation base. The Guild had different standards than a sect or family. It needed a measure of the practitioner's current strength. Sects and families tested for talent and potential instead. You could apply to them without having practised any form of cultivation. Since joining them was akin to a life-long bond in many cases, they had no qualms about investing in the future. Exceptions existed on both sides, of course.

"Do you understand who you're dealing with, yet?" I straightened my back slowly, pushing the paper into her hand. "You've wasted enough of my time now, girl. Get me this cursed license already."

"I... This... Yes, I..."

I tapped my finger on the wood, staring down at her. I had her. Just a little bit more pressure and...

"I see this young master is fond of bullying my lovely girl."

A tremor disguised as a voice travelled out from the back, followed by the man it belonged to. He adjusted his body sideways as he walked through the door behind the counter. Despite his effort, the bullhorns on his head hit the top frame. He growled, his nostrils flaring as he looked up. Mouthing something to himself, he seemed on the verge of tearing the entire building down, before he calmed himself again and returning his attention to me.

“But this old man is one who understands youth,” he towered over me and took the paper with my information, glancing over it.

“Eager,” he puffed, expelling clouds of smoke from his nose. “Hot-headed. But all things have their place and order. Even for someone like you, my young master from the illustrious Fang Family.”

The man grabbed the remaining crystal that looked like a child's toy in his hand and slammed it down in front of me. The wooden table cracked and squealed underneath as he gestured me to go ahead.

Shit.

"You doubt my abilities?" I sneered in an indignant voice. "A mere beastling like you? Heavens, that's laughable! You don't know your place! A knock-off of a true cultivator, yet you're questioning me? How dare you!"

He waited with crossed arms, silent.

"Fine!" I wailed, grabbing the black crystal. Veins popped out on my arm, but it didn't turn brighter as it should when Qi entered it. I failed miserably at expelling my Qi. There wasn't even a drop. I smashed the crystal onto the paper, resting my hand on it until the man brushed it aside with ease.

"Usage zero percent," he spoke for all to hear. "Truly laughable, as you've said. Now get out."

There was a difference between having a cultivation base, and actually being able to use it. One may have the greatest sword in the world, but what use was it, if you couldn't wield it? My case was an oddity, no doubt, but not unheard of. Besides, many others had tried to cheat the ranking of the test in the past by raising their cultivation through unsustainable means. The second test was one of the Guild's precautions against that. It also thwarted me.

I had a formidable cultivation for my age. A core of power was dwelling within me from years of unrelenting training. But I was no longer able to use it. The seal of banishment placed on it prevented me from doing so. Compared to a cultivator, I was almost like any other ordinary human. A mortal that could draw Qi, but neither store nor use it. It was like trying to drink water from a bowl without a bottom.

"Just let me sign the damn thing!" I dropped my act, crying like a child throwing a tantrum. Someone pulled me by the shoulder towards the exit. "What do you care? So what if I die? Isn't that my choice!?"

The bull-man turned around, ignoring me as the room erupted in a mixture of cheers and jeers. I was thrown out into the streets, where I remained lying. I looked at the sky, knowing just how much I'd made a fool of myself again.

Dusk was falling. The city of legends was bustling with activity. The world kept turning.

But I didn't know what the hell I was even doing anymore.