“Mother, I think you should reconsider what he told you. He just wants you to get better,” I answered.

She looked at me in surprise, baffled as well. She remarked, “Did you eavesdrop again?”

I smiled and replied, “I was about to knock on your door when I heard the two of you talking. And allow me to say this, Mother: you’re acting like a child. Not accepting help from other people and being stubborn.”

She giggled gently, careful not to hurt herself. “Robert, I’m not being stubborn, I’m being realistic. And since you already have an idea of what we talked about, I have my reasons for rejecting his suggested treatment.”

“He said that you believe your time has come,” I raised a brow at her. “I don’t know how you can think in such a way. Aren’t you worried about leaving Elizabeth and me?”

“Robert, we all must accept if our time has arrived,” she then reached out a hand on mine. “The Medicine King has been treating me like a child when I only tried to reason with him. Acceptance is key to everything, including death.”

Mother, please stop saying that you’re going to die,” I blocked her declarations of death. “You’re going to get better and you will get better. Do you understand me?” I leaned in closer.

“Robert, I know the truth and I’m not afraid of it,” she smiled. “I will humbly accept the fate of death instead of suffering endlessly.”

“Mother, just because fate has decided, doesn’t mean you can’t change it,” I protested. “We mustn’t let fate decide what’s best for us. This is your life, Mother. You should be the one controlling it, not the other way around.”

“Robert, even if we do something, death is inevitable. So, what’s the point of even trying?” she argued.

“Mother, are you in a rush to leave us?” I asked. “The point of us wanting you to get treatment is that you can live longer so that we can be together for a long time.”

“And still die in the end,” she retorted.

“Mother, can you please stop that?” I groaned.

“My dear son, sooner or later, you’ll realize why I act and think like this,” she smiled in an attempt to comfort me. She might not know this but she’s everything to me. I can’t afford to lose anyone in my life, especially my mother. She’s been the constant rock of this family for years. And now that I feel like my life isn’t going the way I expected, I need her more than ever.

We need her more than ever.

“How about you take your rest, Mother?” I smiled. “I will come back later.”

She nodded, her face still has that gentle smile. She’s been very brave during her illness. She must retain as much strength as she possibly can. I laid a soft peck on her forehead.

Her eyes slowly closed as she drifted to a peaceful slumber. After watching over her for a few more minutes, I quietly left the room and headed back to mine. Mother has been thinking too much about her condition to the point where she believes she’s about to return to dust. But for me, she only needs some rest from everything. And I think I’ll take a quick nap as well. I have nothing much to do today, anyways.

♔♔♔

My eyes squinted as the soft light from the afternoon sun greeted me. It already peeked through the window, ready to see me. I sat up and gave myself a bit of a stretch. And even though I have rested, my mind, heart, my soul is still uneasy. I still have this clenched feeling within my chest. Being reminded of what I did to Laura continued to hurt me.

The guilt has overpowered my body, I can’t think properly because of it. I’m too mad at myself. I hate myself for what I did to her. I’ve become some sort of monster, all because she didn’t agree with what I wanted. And I hate myself for that because that’s how James has treated me.

Am I turning into him? Or am I like him?

The two sides of my conscience have been in a constant battle, trying to give me the perfect solution to my problem.

Chase after her, you imbecile. You have offended her and you’re not going to do anything about it? The right side scolded.

Then the other side quickly refuted it. Why would you go after her? She did choose to leave you rather than fight for you!

The other side intervened without hesitation. Robert, you know better than this. You want to make things right, you know you do. You know you want to go after her.

That statement was quickly silenced by the other as it snapped. Be rational. She chose that path. You simply opened the door for her.

I groaned as I engulfed my head into my hands, not knowing what to do anymore. Even my conscience is having a hard time deciding on what I should do! Should I go after her or not? Should I apologize or just let it be? Should I pursue some kind of relationship with her or move on? Everything just came rushing in, not giving me time to process.

I was close to insanity when Elizabeth suddenly entered the room.

“Hello, little brother,” she smiled, closing the door. “You seem like you needed some company,” she walked towards me.

“Hello, Elizabeth. Where did you come from?” I asked, lifting my head with a smile.

“Um, the same way you entered this world? From our mother’s womb?” she replied, smirking as she sat beside me.

Elizabeth always comes up with the best sarcastic answers. It’s both hilarious and sometimes, irritating. “What I meant was where did you spend most of your time today?” I repeated after a groan.

“Do ask your questions properly next time,” she giggled. “And as always, I was at the library. It’s the only place I can be away from Bethilda.”

“Have you visited Mother yet?” I asked. “I was with her before I took a nap. She slept before I left.”

“I did go to check on her but she was still asleep. Bethilda said Mother woke up to take her medicine and then went back to sleep,” she explained. “Bethilda also told me not to disturb her and to give her time to rest.”

“Please don’t tell me she’s also meddling on how we take care of our mother,” I snarled. “She’s our mother, our queen. We have the right to see her.”

“Let her be, Robert. We’ve been so frustrated about her but she doesn’t feel the same thing,” she said, putting her arm around me. “That’s a bit unfair on our side, don’t you think?”

I sighed as I nodded. “I guess you’re right about that. What are you planning to do now?”

She let out a deep breath, removing her arm from me. “I would probably sleep and rest my brain. I would like to wake up before dinner is served. How about you?”

“I don’t have any sure plans, as of this moment,” I scratched my nape.

“Why don’t you try and go to the library? It will help you pass the time until dinner,” she suggested, smiling.

“Elizabeth, you know that--”

“I know you don’t like reading books but sometimes, books could be the best of friends that you can make,” she smiled.

“Books as friends?” I scoffed in disbelief. “That’s not a possibility.”

“Robert, books aren’t as horrible as you think they are. You’re thinking too much out of it,” she explained.

“How come you submerge yourself fully into books? All I can think about is boredom,” I groaned. “I tried reading once and I couldn’t last for another minute.”

“What made you feel that books are a bore?” she asked, her brows furrowed.

“Elizabeth, there are not as many pictures as I want there to be!” I exclaimed. “I would prefer to have more illustrations in our books. The words aren’t that enticing, even.”

Elizabeth gave out a bit of a laugh before saying, “Brother, books are made to inspire, to nourish your mind. Books aren’t meant to be some kind of museum.” She continued, “Words are meant to be poetic. They are meant to be in such a way so your mind can think. Books are supposed to take you to different places, places where you can’t go.”

“I will try next time,” I sighed.

“I suggest that you do that as much as possible. Even the wisest men in this world read books because even they don’t know everything,” she comforted.

I stood up. “I’m going to visit Nana. Will you be all right on your own? Shall I send some of your maids here?”

“My maids are outside. I told them to wait for your permission to enter,” she answered as she went under the covers.

I kissed her cheek and headed to the kitchen, giving the maids permission to enter my room and accompany my sister as she took her nap.