Trevon Carter

"I can't have lunch with you today," Ryan said after class. "I have a job interview." The mornings I had class with Ryan, we usually went to lunch together afterwards.

"Okay," I said. I didn't know he was looking for a job. "Good luck. I hope you get it."

"Me too," he said.

We parted ways outside the classroom. I walked to the cafeteria instead of driving. The parking lot was usually full at this time of day and I didn't feel like driving around hoping a parking spot would open up.

I went inside and stood among the students and tables deciding what I wanted to eat.

"He always screamed out Jackson," a male voice said. I froze. It couldn't possibly be about Arthur's ex, Jackson, but that name had become so synonymous to me with Arthur's ex boyfriend that I couldn't imagine it to be about anyone else.

"I know," another male said. He laughed. I looked around for the speakers. They had to be nearby. There were two men sitting across from each other at a small table.

I looked away from them, but my feet were drawn to them and I ended up closer to their table.

"It would have been nice if just once he had screamed my name," one of them said. It had to be about Arthur.

"I know," the other one said. "Or at least control himself to not scream out any name. And his neighbors are so nosey. More than once I came out of his apartment and they commented about it."

Definitely Arthur.

"They really were nosey," the first one said. "It was annoying."

"You know what else was annoying?" the second one asked.

"What?" the first one said.

"He never wanted to switch. He always wanted to be the bottom."

I didn't know that about Arthur, but I had no desire to be a bottom so that worked out for me.

"That's true," the first one said. "He couldn't switch just once?"

The second one shrugged. "Maybe it was all for the best though because it led us to each other." He reached across the table and held the hand with the man in front of him.

"Can I help you?" the first one asked me.

I didn't realize I was now blatantly staring at them until that moment. Nothing came to mind, so I stood there staring at them stupidly.

"I get it," the second one said and nodded his head. "You've dated Arthur too haven't you?" He let go of the hand of the man across from him and scooted out the chair next to them.

I sat in it heavily despite telling myself to just leave.

"How long did you date Arthur?" the first one asked me. "I dated him for a month."

"I lasted a month and a week," the second one said.

"How did you two meet?" I asked. I wasn't sure it was wise to tell them I was currently dating Arthur and that he yelled my name during sex.

"It was after I broke up with Arthur," the second one said. "We started flirting with each other at a club and then we got talking about sex."

"And then we learned we both had the experience of our ex screaming out Jackson," the first one said.

"Then we started talking about Arthur, but it turns out we're perfect for each other." They reached out and held each other's hands.

"How long has it been since you broke up with him?" the first one asked me.

"I'm dating him now," I said without thinking about it.

"Oh," they both said at the same time.

"How long have you been dating? Doesn't it bother you that he doesn't ever want to switch in bed? Like ever," the second one said.

"No," I said. "I don't think I want to switch."

Their eyes scanned over me hungrily and I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

"Maybe you are perfect for each other then," the first one said. "I'm Ben. This is John." John waved at me even though I was sitting right in front of them. I nodded at him.

"Who is Jackson?" I asked.

They looked at each other before turning back to me. "He hasn't told you about Jackson?" Ben asked.

I shook my head.

"He was only the love of his life," John said, "before he cheated on him. I don't know the details except that Arthur thought he met the one and found out that wasn't the case."

I thought of Alex and how much he had loved Jason before Jason secretly recorded them having sex and blackmailed him with it. Alex had been devastated. More than devastated if that was a thing. Alex couldn't sleep. He wouldn't eat unless we sat in front of him and practically spoon fed him. Alex's mom asked me and Vincent to take turns being with him as he slept. It was the only way he would sleep. I couldn't imagine Arthur like that. I didn't want to think about him that hurt. I hoped I never met Jackson.

"He hasn't loved anyone like that since," Ben said. "Maybe he never will."

Except, from our first time he had called out Trevon during sex. It had never been Jackson. From the first moment I saw him on that stage I was drawn to him. I wasn't going to say it was love at first sight because I didn't believe in love at first sight, but it was definitely something. The more I knew him, the more I was drawn to him. I didn't know if that would last for the rest of ours lives, but at that moment I didn't want it to end.

"Jackson even gave him a ring," John said, "that Arthur keeps in his sock drawer. It wasn't an engagement ring or anything. I guess more like a promise ring, but Arthur hasn't been able to throw it out."

"He never told me about the ring," Ben said.

"He didn't tell me either until I found it in his drawer," John said.

"Why were you going through his drawer?" Ben asked.

Cold tingles ran through my limbs. Maybe I didn't want to know more about Jackson. My hunger was completely gone and I was starting to feel a little sick.

I must have shown it on my face because John reached out and patted my hand. "Maybe it's best if you breakup with him now before it gets serious."

Except I was already serious. "He's never yelled Jackson during sex wtih me," I said. Maybe that was too much information, but it was out before I could stop it.

The two of them looked at each other before Ben said, "Really?"

I nodded.

"Maybe he's over Jackson now," John said.

"I should go," I said. "Thanks for talking to me." I barely registered their farewells as I left the cafeteria. I was in a daze the rest of the day. Arthur sent me a text when he was through with classes for the day.

Beautiful Art: Do you want to come over.

Did I? I didn't think so, but I did want to see him. I needed to speak to him about Jackson because if I didn't, it was going to fester and boil inside me and neither he nor I needed that.

Me: Come to my place.

Beautiful Art: K. I'll pick up something to eat.

When he came over, he had a sandwich for me from my favorite sandwich place. He had chicken and vegetables for himself. I listened as he told me how practice was going with Danny.

After dinner, we cuddled on the couch while he turned on the t.v.

"You're not reading something tonight?" he asked me.

I shook my head. I was too distracted to read.

He settled back in the crook of my arm that was draped around his shoulders. A few minutes later he asked, "Is something wrong?"

"Who's Jackson?" I blurted out before I could stop myself.

"Oh," he said. He slid out from underneath my arm and sat sideways cross legged on the couch so he faced me. "Where did you hear about Jackson?"

"Your neighbors told me one morning that it was nice to hear you call out a name other than Jackson during sex. They said it didn't matter who came out of your apartment the next morning. The name you always called out was Jackson."

"Nosey neighbors," he muttered under his breath.

"I ran into two people you used to date at the cafeteria today. Their names are Ben and John. They also mentioned Jackson."

"Oh," he said. "Strange coincidences."

"Yes," I agreed.

He paused and bit his bottom lip.

"You said we shouldn't have secrets between us," I said.

He paused a moment before he said, "I dated Jackson for six months last year. He was my second longest relationship after Scott." His eyes looked at his fingers which were picking aimlessly at the leather couch cushion. "I thought I loved him. I did love him." His eyes wouldn't meet mine.

"He cheated on you," I stated.

"Not exactly," he said.

"You said you wouldn't date cheaters," I said. "John said he cheated. I assumed he was the cheater."

"He was," Arthur said. A tear dropped onto his cheek. "I just didn't know I was the one he was cheating with. He is married. He has a wife and a little girl." A second tear spilled onto his cheek. "He never told me he was married. He never wore a ring when he was with me. He never told me he was a father." His tears streamed down his cheeks. "I saw them. I was out shopping one day and saw them together. They looked like the perfect happy family. He doted on his very pregnant wife. The way she smiled at him...she loved him. She didn't know. They would have two kids now. His little daughter hugged his legs with the biggest smile on her face. It was going to destroy them if they found out. I still don't understand how he could risk his daughter's happiness like that." He sobbed. He wiped away the tears from his face, but they were immediately replaced by more. He wouldn't look at me.

I gently took his forearms in my hands and pulled him onto my lap. He buried his head in my shoulder and sobbed. His shoulders shook. His back heaved every time he breathed. I held him close to me as his arms clung desperately to my neck.

"He told me he loved me," he sobbed into my shoulder. "He told me he would follow me anywhere. He said he would go with me to New York. He said he would always watch me dance. I believed him. Everything he said to me. He told me we would be together until we grew old and died together."

I sighed heavily and held him closer.

"I had everything planned out. Our life together. I never thought it would be different than how I planned. I never thought he was married, let alone that he was using me to betray his family." His voice hitched at the end and he clung onto me tighter. I ran my hand gently up and down his back.

When he calmed and pulled away, he finally looked at me. He still sat on my lap with his arms wrapped around my neck, but he was far enough back that he could study my face closely.

"Does it bother you that I'm talking about him like this?" His voice was barely more than a whisper. "Are you going to leave me?"

"No, Arthur," I hugged him tight to me. "I'm not going to leave you."

"I've never told anyone as much as I've told you just now," he said. "And those that I cried in front of and told them I loved Jackson, they left me."

"I'm not them," I said.

He breathed a sigh of relief and smiled tentatively at me. I gently wiped the remaining tears away from his cheeks.

"Ben and John thought he cheated on you."

"I started to tell people he was a cheater and let them draw their own conclusions," Arthur said.

"Do you have a ring in your sock drawer that Jackson gave you?"

He stiffened.

"I can't make myself get rid of it," he said quietly. "I've tried to throw it out, but I can't. I put it in my sock drawer to forget about it and most of the time that works."

"But sometimes you think about it," I said.

"Yes," he said. "Sometimes I think about the life he promised me and then I hate his family for existing, I hate him for lying to all of us and I hate myself for being fooled and loving someone I shouldn't." Tears spilled onto his cheeks again, but he wasn't sobbing.

I wiped the tears away from his cheeks again. "Will you give the ring to me?" I asked him. He looked at me confused. "So I can get rid of it. So we can start our lives together. So we can start our future together."

He smiled. His face relaxed as all the hate, hurt, pain, guilt faded from him. "Yes," he said. "I'll give it to you tomorrow. Get rid of it." And then he hugged me again, but this time it was full of hope.