“That was a complete and total failure.” Lina said, voicing the room’s feelings. They were back at the crappy inn, and while it may have served lousy food, the showers were hot. Lina cracked her neck, dressed in her breeches and tunic. Her armor was safely stored in her inventory, it was uncomfortable to wear all day.

“You said it.” Jamie said glumly.

“Arrgh. Those things veren’t that strong! Vhy? Vhy can’t I do damage to anything in this game!?” Alex punched the wall, -0. He growled and folded his arms, sitting crosslegged on the bed. Lina wanted to laugh, the tiny Allocrax scowling making him seem like a child.

“It’s cause you’re level 5 going up against stuff twenty, thirty levels higher. Your STR isn’t high enough.” she said. He turned his glaring her way, and she had to bite back her snickering.

“Vell vhat’s your score then? Can’t be much higher than Jamie’s SPC.”

“See for yourself.” she said, calling up her menu. Both men peered up at the Knight’s STR stat. Both men paled considerably.

“2-226!?”

“That’s, that’s impossible. How could-how could you have that, at that level…” Jamie trailed off as he saw her other stats. SPC was at zero, SPD was at zero, and TGH… wasn’t zero, but… “H-Hey. You’re a Knight, right?” he asked her shakily.

“Yeah?”

“T-Then… how come you only have a 76 in TGH? You’re a Knight!”

“Oh. I got this game for stress relief after work, so I picked a class that hit the hardest, and put all my points into that. The sword gives +30.” she said flatly, daring him to make an issue of it.

“Isn’t that good, though?” Alex said.

“N-No! Knights are the tanks of RFO! Her armor only gives her a + 20 boost!” Jamie said, but was taken aback when he saw Alex’s blank face. “D-Do you know what a tank is?”

“Of course!” Alex said, sounding offended. “Heavy militarized vehicles vith thick armor and cannons.”

“Is he for real?” Lina asked Jamie, raising an eyebrow.

“H-Hey Alex. Um, d-did you ever play any MMORPG before this one?” Jamie asked carefully.

“Vhat’s an MMORPG? Oh! Right, a massive multiplayer online game. That’s this vun, yes? Vhat’s the rest of the letters?” he asked cluelessly. Lina and Jamie shared a look.

“Wow, ok, wow. Uh, we’re in a roleplaying game, do you know what those are?”

“Like Dungeons and Dragons? Oh yes, similar to this. I know of it.” Alex said, remembering some hubbub on the news a couple years back. Or was it decades? The years blurred together after a while.

“Not-yes, actually. Like that, but a little different in execution here. In MMOs there are roles a party usually fills.” Jamie said patiently. “Tank, DPS, support. Buffer/debuffer or healer could be kept separate, but I generally lump them under support.” Alex blinked.

“Those vere certainly vords.” he said. Lina snorted.

“Tanks were named after the vehicle. We hit hard and take the damage so squishy DPSers like you and casters don’t have to.”

“Vhat did you call me?” Alex said with indignity and more than a little confusion.

“DPS?”

“And vhat’s that?” he said, sounding lost.

“Damage per second. Y-You’re the main offense. Didn’t you know that? I thought you did, you ran ahead like you did.” Lina said incredulously.

“Hey, I’m new to this game, I don’t know everything! That vasn’t in the tutorial!” he said hotly.

“They wouldn’t, these are metaterms.” Jamie supplied. Alex rounded on him.

“And vhat is a metaterm? Something else I’m supposed to know!?” Had Allocrax possessed fangs, he would have bared them at his team. Damn it, damn it, damn it! Over seven centuries of experience, and he was as a babe in the woods. His skin crawled in revulsion of the facts. He could swear they were laughing at his ignorance internally. He narrowed his eyes. He would show them. Oh yes, he would show them!

“Look, this isn’t getting us anywhere. We need to come up with a strategy to beat those plants, with what little we’ve got. I don’t feel like doing a lot of grinding to get him up to par with the weaksauce monsters around here.” Lina said, biting her lip. Going over their resources, it didn’t look good. “I’m not sure if it can be done in any reasonable timeframe.” Jamie coughed.

“W-Well, Deadly Nightshades aren’t that tough. Even in a swarm like that, we can beat them no problem, even if Alex can’t do much damage-yet! Just for now!” he added hastily when the vampire glared at him. “The real problem is the Prime Mandragora. AS a rule, plants have high TGH and low SPD-but if our Knight didn’t invest any points into SPD, then they would be faster.” he said, glancing at her.

“Cut me some slack. I only got this game ‘cause it lets you tear things apart for nearly real. It’s great after a long day. I wanted to swing the biggest god*bleep* sword I could find and crush some skulls. Very therapeutic, and much cheaper.” she said haughtily. Jamie sighed.

“Okay…but that still leaves you slower than the plants. And...your low TGH doesn’t help. Usually it’d be at least a hundred by now.”

“When I first got the game, I didn’t know what to put my points into. So I just dumped them all into STR, and well, it’s worked out pretty good so far.” She had the decency to look embarrassed. “I mean, I didn’t care if I died. Up until now. That respawn glitch’s getting worse, I hear.”

“Fantastic.” Jamie slumped on the table. “A striker that can’t do damage, a tank that can’t take hits, and for support we have to rely on a DPS.”

“Vhat? Ve have vun of those? Other than me?” Alex asked.

“The Magus class is a striker/controller class. I’m supposed to direct the battlefield, hindering enemies while aiding allies.”

“Then that’s perfect! You can support us, vhile ve run up and hit things.” the vampire said.

“Yeah, ‘bout that…” Jamie trailed off.

“What’s the problem?” Lina asked. Jamie sighed again.

“Here.” He called up the spell selection on his menu and shrank back, covering his head with his hood.

“Let’s see…Pillar of Flame, Circle of Resistance, Targetshoot, Flashfreeze, Tanglegrass, Airhop, Purify Potion, Targetblur, Sunblight, Vaterfold, Flamejet, Groundquake, Lightningbug…” Alex read aloud.

“All those are either self-targeting buffs or single-shot spells. Aside from Circle of Resistance, he’s got nothing that’ll affect either of us, unless he wants to hit us. And considering his defenses are lower than mine, that would be a very bad idea.” Lina said, cracking her knuckles

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” Jamie burst out, trying to drive his face into the table. “I usually don’t have teammates, so I had to pick spells that’d let me fight on my own, and I can’t join a team ‘cause I don’t have good support, and I can’t take on big stuff much alone ‘cause I don’t have a team! I’m sorry!” he said, nearly in tears. Alex snorted and turned away in disgust.

“That does…complicate matters.” Lina said. She rubbed her temples. Why why why did this happen. She looked at her companions. A low-level, easily frustrated arrogant old man newb and a simpering, crybaby mage who couldn’t buff. She sighed; a tank who couldn’t tank wasn’t much better. “So what do we do? Most of us are too far along to respecc our builds now, we’re completely trapped in the game, and we can’t move on. I’d say we’re stuck.”

“There has to be something ve can do. I-” Alex heaved a sigh. It pained him to admit it, but it was obvious he was out of his element. “I don’t know much about how to play this game. So…I’ll do vhatever I can to help. Since I can’t hurt anything, I suppose I can play shield for Lina.” he said. Jamie shook his head.

“That won’t work. You’re a DPS, you don’t have enough health or defense to effectively tank. That’d be…” Suddenly, something clicked in his head, and he had a thought. “Hmm. That…that could work. But-” He put a hand on his chin. “Nah. But maybe…no, I can’t do that. Never mind.” He sighed again, but Alex grabbed him by the hair, forcing him to look into his red eyes, twitching in annoyance.

“Listen, boy…Jamie. Ve are currently, in a vord, stuck. If you have any ideas, any, ve vould like to hear them.” Alex said calmly. Diplomatically, even.

“O-O-Okay!” Jamie squeaked, trying to rip his own hair out in his desperation to get away. Why was he so scary? Alex smiled to himself and let go.

“See? Just speak up.” Jamie was shaking, unable to stand. That glower was so intense!

“As much as I disagree with how he said it, Alex’s right. We’re just spinning our wheels here. Something’s better than nothing.” Lina said.

“W-Well, m-my idea was to alter our f-formation. W-We weren’t very organized, and suffered for it. Now, classically the tank goes first, with strikers close behind to deal damage and retreat. Both are supported from behind by casters, with long-range artillery support from casters and archers, and refreshment from healers. We don’t have nearly enough for that, but I’m not sure traditional melee-caster formations will work with what we have here.” Oh God, they were looking at him, all their attention focused on him. He pulled his hood down.

“S-So here’s what I’m thinking. W-We send the fastest member of the group here to kite the Deadly Nightshades, while the strongest takes them on. While that’s happening, the other one will distract the Prime Mandragora until the adds are cleared and we gang up on the boss. Problem is, we don’t have a healer, so we’ll have to use potions instead, a-and I don’t have many of those.” he explained.

“Hmm. Who’s the fastest?” Lina asked.

“A-According to the stats, me.” Jamie said, paling. Casters didn’t belong on the front lines, casters didn’t belong on the front lines! But it was the only chance he could see. He eyed his health bar, almost Alex’s level. He shuddered.

“Well, the plan seems sound, I suppose. But vhere are ve going to get a kite?” Alex asked. Lina and Jamie looked at each other and sighed.