“Goblins.” Cried Mai, confirming my own suspicions.

More and more of the scrawny creatures were pouring from their shanty hovels, until there were six goblins facing us in total. They began by hurling abuse, which wasn’t too bad. But they’d obviously heard the old saying about sticks and stones, because that quickly transitioned to hurling rocks.

Their aim was poor, but their intent was obvious. Mai took a few steps back, but behind us was that endless ocean, leaving us with nowhere to retreat to. They had us completely surrounded.

“Look, if it’s about the clothing, I’m sorry” I apologetically began, raising both hands to show my friendly intent. “If they were yours, perhaps we can work out some form of payment?”

“Bugger orff” spat the tallest goblin of the group. It wore a total of five animal skulls around its neck... a symbol of status, perhaps? Was this their leader? If he was, his social skills could use a bit of work, but the gist of the message was appreciated.

“Sure, no problem,” I replied, breathing a sigh of relief. “We’ll get going right away…”

“No, just you. Leave the elffffy.”

“What? Why?” I demanded, holding my ground.

“Elffffy meat be tasssty meat.” It replied, licking its lips with its freakishly long tongue. Then it pointed to Mai. “An’ thissss one be especially meaty, if y’get my meanin’.”

The goblin began to cup his hands in front of his skinny chest, mimicking my helper’s impressive assets. I didn’t like the way he was looking at her… an odd amalgamation of horny and hungry that should never be combined.

Mai looked scared and couldn’t say I blamed her. Her fear only grew as the creatures began to advance, homing in on Mai, forfeiting their attempts to box me in in order to reinforce their haphazard cordon around the elf.

“Get to safety,” I cried. “Teleport away, or whatever the hell it is you do.”

“I can’t,” she replied, fear now evident in her tone, also. “I’m here to help you. That means the system won’t let me abandon you. Not intentionally.”

She continued to retreat backwards, the sea of code swallowing her avatar up to the ankles. The goblins followed, closing in on her, passing me by with disinterest.

“Can’t you swim?” I cried.

She nervously shook her head.

For a moment I considered flight over fight. If I used the distraction to make a break for it, the goblins would have no reason to follow, and I could take my chances with whatever lay beyond the settlement. But try as I might, I couldn’t think of Mai as lifeless code. Her AI was sophisticated. She had emotions. And my own emotions would tear me apart if I stood back and allowed the goblins to harm her.

Shit. There was nothing else for it, then. I was going to have to reverse our roles, try my hand at being her help file for a change. Having chosen my course of action, I hastily searched in vain for a weapon, but a glance around the beach offered nothing that came close to fitting that description. Their rocks already thrown, the goblins were unarmed, so any hope of disarming one and stealing its weapon was null and void. With little else in the way of choice, I kneeled down, reaching for the piece of driftwood that lay at my feet.

-[ Item acquired: Darkwood branch. Durability: 4/12. ]-

There it went again with the durability. It seemed that items in the game had their own equivalent of HP, and that I could ‘read’ it by collecting them. I had no idea if four durability points were good or bad, but the branch felt heavy, and I couldn’t imagine the creature’s heads would offer that much resistance to it. I looked down at my pitiful beginners’ weapon and sighed. It wasn’t exactly a sword, which meant I couldn’t even be sure that it would trigger my armed combat skill. But it was all I had so it would have to do… for now.

The goblin closest to me noticed my intent. Before it could raise the alarm, I raised the branch and brought it down on the creature’s head as hard as I could manage. The thick branch shattered, confirming that four durability points were not good. Probably rotten from exposure to the elements, I reasoned. But at least it got the job done. The goblin hit the ground with a reassuring thud.

As if as one, five green, angular heads turned to glare in my direction. I tried my best to look innocent, but I was holding a shattered piece of wood in one hand, and I had a groaning goblin lying at my feet. Yeah, there was no way I was talking my way out of this one.

“I’ll hold them off,” I yelled, gesturing to Mai to move her shapely ass. “Run for the largest hut. I’ll cover you.”

The closest goblin lunged at me, but I quickly dodged his attack, countering with a sweet uppercut that sent the creature reeling.

Ha! Zero unarmed combat skill my freshly reincarnated ass.

Another goblin attacked, swiftly meeting a similar fate. My street smarts were working to my advantage, and my physically weighted avatar was paying off. Yet another lunged, and I again made to dodge, but this time, something held me in place. Shit, the goblin I felled with the branch was still conscious. Caught off-guard by my captor, the attacker’s claws slashed across my face, sending an alert ringing through my head.

-[ Goblin worshiper cuts you for -2 damage. ]-

Goblin… worshiper?

More and more goblins rushed me. I tried my best to fight them off, but the little bastard gripping my ankles had me pinned in place. As goblin bodies collided with my own, I quickly lost balance, falling to the hard, compacted sand.

-[ Goblin worshiper knees you for -2 damage. ]-

-[ Goblin worshiper elbows you for -2 damage. ]-

They were weak, but they had the numbers advantage, and my body wouldn’t sustain this for long. My legs were now tightly tied up in a bear hug, rendering my attempts to return to my feet completely futile. They knew I was vulnerable, and they were swarming me.

-[ Goblin worshiper punches you for -2 damage. ]-

-[ Goblin worshiper cuts you for -3 damage. ]-

-[ Goblin worshiper knees you for -2 damage. ]-

One by one they dove at me, a flurry of punches and kicks that chipped away at my HP. Then I heard something that made my blood boil: laughter. The bastards were enjoying this. As I fought to get them off me, I realized Mai was standing nearby, anxiously watching the fight.

“Mai, what the hell are you standing around for? I’m drawing them onto me, and I don’t know how much longer I’ll last. Get the fuck awayaaagh-”

-[ Goblin worshiper kicks you in the face for -4 damage. ]-

-[ Goblin worshiper cuts you for -3 damage. ]-

I tried my best to fight back, but they were too fast, and I was too vulnerable. I was down to 56HP already, and the goblins had no intention of stopping. The laughing chattering grew louder, as they whooped and cheered with every strike. 50HP. 42HP. 37HP. My health continued to drop, and all I could do was cover up, try to keep them from kicking me in the head. Every so often I tried to lash out, but I was fighting from my back, and they easily dodged my strikes.

The kicks and punches continued, and it wasn’t long until my reached my final 10HP. Dammit, I was done for. Oh well, I figured I had nothing to lose, so I may as well go for broke. I grabbed at the goblin who was hugging my legs, clawing at his face in a desperate bid to be free of him. But that just made matters worse, as two of the goblins pounced on my outstretched arms. I was completely at their mercy, as they hoisted me up, one goblin to each limb, the others supporting my mid-section. I quickly realized they were taking me to the largest building in the settlement. Great. If they were classed as ‘worshipers’, I could only assume this was their church. And I guessed that made me the sacrifice. Shit.

Things were not off to a good start.