《I Have to Text my Ex, or the World Explodes》3. So your name is GDragon-Dragon?
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"I am the Goddess," she declared, loud and clear. She had expected Andrew to kneel down, mouth agape in awe, but he just glared at her in disdain.
The two of them stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. When the 'Goddess' couldn't bear the silence anymore, she gritted her teeth in frustration. "I said I am the Goddess! Why are you just standing there?"
"Did you expect my head to explode in incomprehensible shock or something?"
"No, but why are you so calm? When you humans see a god, you either get down to the ground and bow, or you run away."
"Isn't God an old man with long hair and inexplicably long beard? How could God be, uh, young and beautiful?"
"Huh?" Her eyes widened. "Is it a crime to be a young woman?"
Andrew stood and and stretched his arms out to the self-proclaimed Goddess. She jumped back and yelled, "What do you think you're doing?"
He poked her arm. Poke. Poke.
"Aren't you supposed to have four arms? Or a hawk's head? This doesn't make any sense." He inwardly cursed himself for having chosen to spend his time as a kid watching anime instead of playing Dungeons and Dragons. "Tell me the truth. You're just another of those religious evangelists, aren't you? You think that just because you're a hot young woman I'll fall for your sale's pitch?"
"W-what?" She blinked repeatedly.
"I'm an atheist. You're wasting your time." He walked toward the window and opened it, pointing his thumb out over his shoulder. "Please fly to another residence to hassle."
The Goddess' face flushed red. "I'm floating in front of you! How dare you doubt my authority?"
"Oh yeah. Missionaries don't usually fly." Andrew nodded. "So you must be a Ponzi scheme scammer! What are you trying to sell? A-level business courses? Or a mini jetpack glued to your back? I've had plenty of those, thank you very much, but I'll take your contact number so we can discuss at an unspecified later date."
"What is a Ponzi scheme? I'm not wearing a jetpack!"
"How do I know that? You have to let me check to be sure!"
"How can you check?"
"I don't know, where do you usually hide your toys?" Andrew said, "I have to check up your dress and under your bra. You know, all the places a jet pack might be hidden. If you can't prove you are one then please go away." He didn't really mean anything indecent. He just want to discourage her enough so she stops harassing him.
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Her face turned red, but for a different reason. "O-okay. Please be gentle. . ."
"What did you just say?" Andrew's eyes widened.
"What did I just say?"
"You just said 'please be gentle—'"
"How dare you? Pervert!" She bashed on Andrew's face with a cross, sending him sprawling on the bed.
He crawled off the bed and clutched his cheek in pain. "I didn't even do anything."
"You don't have to do anything to be a pervert."
"Then you're a violent, sadistic witch!"
"I know you are, but what am I?"
Who talks like that? Has this chick been in a coma since she turned twelve or what? Now, he was really certain something else was going on here. Not once had she looked like a Goddess, talked like one, or acted like one. And when her eyes darted to the GD-Dragon CD album on his desk, his doubt was reaffirmed.
"Oh!" She hovered over the CD and picked it up. "You listen to GD-Dragon? I have the biggest crush on GD-D!"
"Hey! Don't touch my things without permission!"
"Are you a GD-Dragon fan too? Are you, are you, are you?" Her eyes were now glinting with an azure light. If there was one thing godlike about this woman, it would be her irises' ability to change color every five minutes.
"I like some of his works, but I wouldn't say I'm a fan. That CD is my friend's."
"You have to go to his concert in Canberra next month. I'll fly you there if you need a ride."
Andrew frowned. Why is this woman talking to me like I've been friends with her for a decade? This is no way to talk to a stranger.
"Not too keen," he replied. "Not like I'm ever gonna meet him, right? He's not a boss in the 15th dimension of a video game I'm in or anything."
"That's an oddly specific example."
"Yeah, because it's never gonna happen. Now please leave my room. You're intruding."
"Can I have this CD if you—"
"No. Go away." He was about to chase her away with his prosthetic arm, but then pondered. "Wait. You're a GD-Dragon fan, right? There's something I've always wanted to ask."
"Hmm?"
"What does the D in GD-Dragon stand for?"
"Dragon, duh." She waved her cross around casually. "He talked about it in an exclusive interview with Billyboard."
"So his name is GDragon-Dragon?"
"Yes," She replied without hesitation.
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"Okay. . . What does the G stand for then?"
"I don't know. What does the G in your name stand for?" She pointed to his laptop, on which the name on the lockscreen read 'Andrew G'.
"Garage. Andrew Garage."
"What a coincidence! The G in his name stands for Garage too!"
"So. . . GarageDragon-Dragon?"
She clasped on her cheeks, her voice singsong. "Oh, such an angelic, thought-provoking name from the most brilliant artist. And handsome. Oh, I'm swooning already just thinking about his artistic talent. And handsome face. He wrote such beautiful lyrics in 하트 조식. Don't you just admire the beauty in his prose when he says 하지만 그댄 내게 안녕 또 안녕? Such talent. And handsomeness."
"What?" He didn't understand a word she said, and neither could he understand how and why the ungodly conversation had devolved into this. "Can you just tell me why the hell you are here? You have something to do with that meteor, don't you?"
The fire of anger scorched inside his chest at the thought she had denied him his hard-won freedom, no matter how unlikely it was. "Hypothetically, let's say I believe you. Were you the one who destroyed the world? Why did you force me to relive the past year so many times? Why me? Is this some sick joke?"
"Hey!" The woman protested. "I never said it was me who did it."
"So? Was it you?"
"Well, yeah."
"You son of a—"
Andrew lunged towards the woman, but she sent him to the bed again with a swift swing of her cross.
"Hear me out. Why do you keep jumping to conclusions?" She said. "Would you prefer me to have let you die? I didn't send the meteor, but I did rewind the events. It was the only way to keep the world from inevitable destruction."
Andrew stood from the bed again. The woman held the cross at him. "Don't do anything rash," she warned.
"I'm cool, man, I'm cool. Can you put the GD-Dragon album down first? It's borrowed stuff!"
"I will, if you sit down."
Andrew did as told, and the Goddess kept her promise. He pondered for another minute, stringing all the impossible events together in his head. "So you chose me to save the world, correct?"
"Yes."
"Suppose what you said is true, then why did you choose me? There are plenty of grizzled scientists at NASA and world leaders with a bunch of resources. They don't have to win lotteries to raise millions, and they'll probably enjoy being a hero more than I do. Why did you pick a grad student who just wants to live life?"
The Goddess glanced at Andrew's golden hair as it bobbed up and down, his bottomless blue eyes conveyed the whole universe within them. She took a peek at the sweat drops running down his curvy lips to his elegant chin. She blushed. "Y-you have a lot of potential! Yes, yes, potential. You're the top graduate from the best university in the city! You surely know how to save the world."
"And I did! Why did you bring me back again?"
"Because it doesn't work that way. Think of another way."
"Why didn't it work?"
"Why do you ask so much? I'll only tell you once: it upsets the world balance! In this world, every event that happens triggers a correlating and causal chain of consequences! The time loop happens because the events are incompatible, and you can only escape it by finding the exactly correct solution."
"Didn't you say you send me back in time?"
"Oh, you're right." She puts her hand on her chin before her eyes sparkled. If she was in a cartoon, she'd have had a lightbulb above her head. "I'm tasked with sending you back in time. If I don't do it, someone else will!"
"You told me you chose me because I am good at science, but what is the point of making guns to destroy meteors if it doesn't work?"
"That's your problem. I can only observe the outcome."
Andrew threw her a scornful look. "What kind of useless Goddess are you?"
"Watch your mouth, peasant!" She bashed his head. Andrew covered his head and groaned, whimpering as he reflected on the life choices that'd left him stuck with a useless and sadistic guardian.
"Thing is, don't use the Antimatter Gun anymore! The way to save the world needs to come from within you." She peered at her non-existent wristwatch and waved at Andrew. "My time with you is up. See you after this world is saved!"
"Wait, wait! You haven't told me how to—"
A blinding luminescence flashed before Andrew's eyes, and the Goddess disappeared into the light.
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