《I Have to Text my Ex, or the World Explodes》13. The whole world caught COVID-19 and died
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Twenty years later. . . nah fuck that, who even does timeskips anymore? That's so 2012 Wattpad. Anyway the author is back from a very short hiatus of only two months, so let's pretend you saved a game and forgot about it or something.
***
Three days later. . . (just kidding suckers, I timeskip like the Wattpad pro I am)
Andrew stood atop of the skyscraper looking over at the entire city of Dinosaurland. He had chosen to abandon Pink Anne; a risky endeavor that may very well result in the world turning into dust once again. But this time, it was different! Not only did he have his trusted Anti-Matter Gun, he also had a tight-ass spandex bodysuit and a BLOODY CAPE (literally written on the back of the cape). Everybody knew a superhero suit is the key difference between a superhero and a no-name commoner was the suit and a BLOODY CAPE (literally. . . [see above]), and Andrew could feel his power multiplying by the thousands just by putting them on. As soon as he mastered the art of wearing his boxer outside his pants, he shall become the invincible hero this world needs.
But of course, Pink Anne was not one to give up. The obvious solution was to hurl more outer space meteor towards Earth, and she did just that. Therefore, meteorites fell more and more, each time with a thicker density than the last. Every time such a disaster striked, townspeople shone a boxer-shaped light on the moon to warn the Antimatter. . . er. Then the hero shall descent from the shadow, shooting at the meteorites until they drop like flies. Then they would hail Antimatter. . . er as the ultimate savior once again. His name would be all over news channels, and children would start pasting his posters on the walls and dreams of wearing boxers outside their pants. The cycle would continue.
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"So this is the path the Goddess has carved out for me," Andrew told himself. He was still the Chosen One.
Therefore, he needed to solve this meteorite bullshit once and for all! Andrew had too obvious solution: the first one was to hit the lottery 5138 times and fund the construction of the Skynet and the Anti-Meteor Satellite-Spaceship network, and the second one was to kill Pink Anne. After viligantly calculating the odds, Andrew decided to win the lottery 5138 times.
Under the codename Eron Mask, he founded SpaceXXX and started realizing his dream. Before long, his fleet of spaceships was assembled.
Andrew's space shuttles were equipped with giant antimatter guns that could swallow dozens of meteors with a single bullet. Gradually, he upgraded it to a space station the size of very big space station. Every day, hundreds of asteroids flew towards Earth, but none could even come close to testing his system's firepower.
Floating inside his space station, Andrew laughed so hard he started coughing. "Now nothing, nothing can destroy human civilization anymore!"
A day later, a great tsunami arose below the ocean, engulfing all of humanity.
"WHAT THE FUCK? SHE CAN DO THAT?" Andrew clasped his head in bewilderment.
A second later, he found himself in his shabby studio at the beginning of a loop again, so he knew damn well who caused the catastrophe. Only then did the Goddess show herself. She sat at the corner of the room with a gloomy look on her face.
"I've told you that there's only one way to save the world. Why do you keep defy me?" The Goddess sighed.
"Yeah and what is it?"
"You just have to live with Anne for the rest of your life."
"Fuck that! I'm building a wall surrounding all oceans!"
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"You can't do that!"
"And how are you gonna stop me?" Andrew grunted. "You're disappearing in five minutes."
"I. . . I can't," she stutters and rubs her hands together. "But nothing you do will matter. Just listen to me, okay? I'll make an arrangement that's best for you."
"502890," Andrew says.
"W-what?"
"Oh look!" He points at the row of number flashing from the TV that's suddenly in his room because the author is too lazy to go back ten chapters to fix a minor continuity detail. "The lottery combination number! What a coincidence! Imma go cash out."
"Sure!" The Goddess spat. "Do what you want. You're gonna come back here eventually."
"We'll see about that."
Andrew hit the lottery a million times then built ten-kilometer high walls along the coast of every continents. He called them the Highmalayas.
Then earthquakes erupted all over the world, the walls collapsed and crushed the fuck out of Andrew.
In the next loop, Andrew invented the 'virtual gravity' technology, elevating every city until they float above the atmosphere where the tsunamis wouldn't reach. His space stations guarded the sky and his cities evaded the earth. There was nothing nobody could ever do to sabotage.
Suddenly, the whole world caught COVID-19 and died.
"No, no, no!" Andrew screamed while on his deathbed for the sixty-ninth time. "Why? Why? Why? Why can't I get away from this nightmare?"
He was pushed to a dead end. There was one thing left to do.
Kill Anne.
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