Fall, age 5.

I hate this fucking world.

I do, I hate it.

It lured me in with the damn night sky, and the ``fireflies'', and the glowing seabed.

But no more!

No amount of night sky is worth trekking through the damn forest during a rainy night.

That's right, my mother is taking me on a training trip. First time off our island for three months, save my daily swimming til I almost drown ten times in a row, and this is what I have to do. Walk all night in the wet raining forest and every time I make a sound, she hits me. I hate this.

The sound of the rain is deafening. It penetrates my chest like a knot that won't go away, and I can hardly hear my own breath. Despite of that I know I can't make a single sound, or my mother is over me in an instant. At the same time, I can hear single drops against the ground and the canopy, masking any sound an animal, or anything else, might make.

My feet are wet, have been for hours. I can feel the squelching my feet makes, even if I can't hear it. The rest of my clothes are thoroughly drenched as well, and clinging to my body. I'm freezing to my core, and I'm shivering. My mother gave me a few mana crystals that create heat, and told me not to overpower them so they wouldn't burn me. They keep me warm, but the exhaustion of using them is wearing me down.

Ghat would all be okay if I wasn't starving. I haven't eaten all night and, not surprising, I'm absolutely exhausted.

We arrive at the top of a valley with a small creek running through it. My mother gestures for me to continue onward. The dirt is muddy and slippery. I grab on to the branches of trees in order not to slip. I have no gloves, and I am shaking from the freezing cold, so holding on to the branches is painful and difficult.

Should I fall on purpose? If I break a bone, maybe my mother would let me stop? I want this to be over, I don't want to do this, I just want to go home.

Or maybe she will make a brace and force me to continue? Just the thought of it makes me shiver. Injury is not an option.

I take a step further down, and reach out for a branch.

*Snap*

I'm falling.

For a sweet second, I don't hear the rain.

Then I hit the mud, and slide down the slope.

I can taste the dirt.

Before, I was wet. Now I'm covered in sticky dirt as well.

I get up. My mother keeps her distance, quietly observing me.

We're at the creek. The torrent is strong, the rain has made an impact. I turn my head to look at my mother, and she lifts a finger in gesture.

Pointing across the creek.

I'm already drenched. Can't get much worse I guess. I take a step into the water.

I was wrong.

It could get worse. The water is much colder than the water that has drenched me to the skin. I look back again, but my mother simply lifts her finger and point across the creek. Damn devilwoman.

I take another step.

Shit, it's so damn cold.

The torrent is so strong, I have to take small steps in order to not be pulled along.

Slowly, I make it across the creek. My clothes are still cold as ice, and I'm violently shaking at this point.

``We are here. Make a shelter, I will be back soon.'' [Jessica]

What?

``A sh-sh-shelter? H-h-how?'' [Nathan]

I manage to stammer, my teeth clattering loudly.

``Improvise'' [Jessica]

Damn devilwoman.

As she leaves, I look at my surroundings. There's two trees leaning into each other, creating a small closing in the canopy where less water is coming through. They are the optimal spot for a shelter, if I can find some good branches. Scavenging the surroundings, I find some smaller trees with the kinds of branches I need. I place the leafy branches where the trees are joining. Luckily, there's no wind, just rain. After I add a few branches, it starts acting as a roof, and diverts the rain away. I find some more branches, and put them on the ground in order to have a place to sit.

It's not much of a shelter, but at least I won't have to worry about the rain in here, or the wet ground. I put more power into the mana crystals, and put them in the pocket in my robe. I don't want to touch them more than I have to, I still feel the cold when they make time slow down.

Before I start looking for branches I can use as walls, my mother comes back. She's carrying a bound rabbit.

``Are you hungry?'' [Jessica]

She asks, coldly.

``...Of course I am.'' [Nathan]

She throws the rabbit on the ground in front of me, then hands me a sheathed knife.

``Then kill it.'' [Jessica]

``... I do not want to..'' [Nathan]

I never killed anything before. I never saw anything get slaughtered before.

``Then you will not eat.'' [Jessica]

``.... Can you not kill it for me? I really do not want to kill it..'' [Nathan]

``.. I understand that. But one day, you will have to kill to survive. If you cannot kill then, you will die. And I love you too much to let that happen.'' [Jessica]

She says with a sad, tormented, look on her face.

Shit.

I don't want to do this.

I take the knife out of it's sheath. It's a red crystal knife. I touch the blade, and it's very very sharp.

I pick up the rabbit. It's soaking wet, but I can still feel it's warmth. It's fur is soft, but somewhat sticky because of the rain.

It's trembling.

It's bound in such a way that it can't escape, but that doesn't stop it from trying. It's jerking hard every now and again, trying to catch me by surprise and get away.

To no avail.

I press it down against the ground.

I can feel it's heartbeat speed up.

It was quiet before, but now it's squealing.

I press it down harder, making sure it's neck is stretched out.

I put the knife on top of it's neck, pointing down.

And I push with all my might.

It took less than a second.

And then it's heartbeat stopped completely.

My hands feel wonderfully warm.

There's blood on them.

I feel like vomiting, but I can't get over how happy I am that my hands feel warmer now.

A smile creeps across my face.

Warmth. My hands are finally warm.

My mother looks at me with a caring smile.

``You did what you had to. Give it to me, and I will dissect it. For now, just focus on getting warm. Take off your wet clothes, and put more mana into the mana crystals.'' [Jessica]

She doesn't have to tell me twice. Trembling, I take off my clothes ad wring them. Then I put as much mana into the crystals as I dare without making them burn my hands to the touch, and place them wrapped in my wet clothes. Slowly, steam starts rising from the clothes. The crystals are very hot right now, but they cool down over time, so my clothes aren't in danger. And it's so damn waaarm!!

My mother skins and guts the rabbit. She puts pieces of it's meat into a pot she brought with her, along with water and vegetables. She places it on a mana crystal she placed in a small hole she dug in the ground. After a while, it starts steaming.

``Dinner is ready, eat up.'' [Jessica]

She hands me the pot, and a spoon.

Very aware that it contains the remains of an animal I killed, I take a sip of the soup.

It's the best thing I ever had. I feel the warmth spread through my body, from my heart to my toes and my fingertips.

I greedily eat the soup, all the while remembering the moment that the rabbits hearts stopped.

``Seems that you liked it. We should try to get some sleep. I will keep watch, so try to rest." [Jessica]

It's hard sleeping like this. The night is cold, and the rain is so loud that I wake up every time I fall asleep. Eventually, the sun rises, and we pack up and return home in a rather uneventful manner. Upon reaching home, I am dismissed and return to my room. Exhausted, I crawl beneath the covers.

Never have I ever been this comfortable. My bed is rather modest, and frankly it's hard, but in this very moment it's the best bed I have ever laid on. I spend half a minute contemplating the trip, and the feeling of warm blood on my hands.

Shortly thereafter, I fall asleep.