Failure was always an option. Whether we chose that option was a matter of whether or not we fear that option. We are motivated towards success the more we fear failure. More optimistic people think to themselves that failure was just a stepping stone to success. I think that one who accepts failure was a failure themselves.

Maybe my thinking was wrong. I did have a hard time dealing with failure, so my lessened expectations made me embrace my next one. Yet, those who think that failure was a necessity were probably wrong. Shouldn’t you do your best to avoid that feeling again? Or rather accept that people fail once in a while. It’s not some positive aspect, it’s just an inevitable part of life.

Others may not agree with me. That was fine by me. I dealt with plenty of failures in my life. Yet, none of those has improved my life in any way. Maybe I’m just not seeing it yet.

Failure was a part of life but where does success begin? Most people would answer with hard work. But they would mistake that with mindless hopes and dreams that they attempt to work towards. Expect failure but don’t expect success to happen on its own.

The world has this distorted view of positivity or negativity, yet they don’t see the grey in the world. There’s no such thing as good or bad. They’re things that just happen in life.

“That’s depressing.”

Lucy said to me from behind.

“You think you could write better than me?” I asked. “I’m just putting my own thoughts in.”

“I never disagreed with you.”

Lucy walked away after judging my essay for school. I looked back at what I wrote so far and was surprised that Lucy would agree with what I typed up so far. Maybe her years of experience made her understand my point of view. I thought I wrote enough so I switched to another window to look up videos. I found one with a bird that attempted to sing but ended up badly.

“Shouldn’t you finish that homework?” Lucy asked.

“I’ll finish it another time.”

“I thought that was due tomorrow.”

“I have time.”

“It’s only one in the morning.”

“Your point?” I asked.

Lucy sighed. This time she took the moral high ground. But she spoke in a condescending way.

“You humans have such a limited lifespan.”

Was she trying to be helpful or insulting?

“What’s that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“It means exactly what I said.”

“I can do plenty with my small amount of time.”

“Like watch animals doing stupid things on the internet?”

“Yeah.”

“You’re hopeless.”

Lucy walked over to the bookshelf and pulled out a new book I recently bought. She then went to my bed and began to read. She seemed to be satisfied with being a useless angel. There was laughter filling in the air. Lucy seemed to be enjoying the book.

I wondered what failures she has been through. After all, she was the devil. With her most famous failure being her fall from Heaven. Like what was that about?

Even then, she would have thousands of years of life experience. I always wondered why she was still immature after all this time.

I gave in and went to finish my essay. I changed a few things in the beginning but it was mostly the same. I couldn’t figure out what to put in the conclusion to the essay. I groaned with frustration.

“Do you ever think of me as a failure?” Lucy asked out of the blue. She stayed at the bed holding a pillow over her lap. The book fell onto the bed as it loses the page that Lucy was currently reading.

I couldn’t even tell if I was a failure myself. Maybe people would have a hard time judging themselves. It would be the ultimate bias after all. Then again, I have nothing going on in my life. Things have been downhill for the past few years. Dying was basically rock bottom for me. But what does it mean to be a failure? I couldn’t tell myself. So what was I supposed to tell Lucy? There was a moment of silence before I answered.

“I dunno.”

“Come on. At least say something about it.”

“I don’t know that much about you.”

“You must have heard some things about me at least. They do have some truth to it. No matter how exaggerated the stories may be.”

I pondered for a bit. I then glanced towards her direction as she stared at me. There was this look in her eyes that sparkled with curiosity. She was looking forward to my answer.

Those curious eyes were quite familiar. I couldn’t put a finger on it. I then looked at my hands and realized I’ve seen that look in the mirror.

What was it like to know how others perceive you? Your idea of someone else was different than another’s. And their idea of you was different than what you really are. So it wasn’t surprising for Lucy to ask what I thought of her.

“I think you’re doing fine. Despite your past, you’re currently living the life I wish I had.”

“But is this really living?” She asked.

“Just lazing around doing nothing while sleeping would be great right now. I have to do all of this homework. It’s such a hassle.”

“But doesn’t it feel great to have a purpose? What am I supposed to be?”

There was a brief pause. I sighed before I spoke.

“Your life is what you make of it. Don’t look towards others to figure it out for you. I’m pretty sure you’re capable of becoming something. It’s a matter of time before you figure it out.”

“Right. Thanks, David.”

Lucy hid her face behind a pillow. She then buried her face into the book she was reading. I’m pretty sure she completely lost her page.

Failure was an option. It was up to you whether you’re going to sit on your butt and do nothing about it. Even so, that was fine. Because you don’t have to do something extraordinary with your life. Success wasn’t a series of events. It’s a direction. With that in mind, failure was just a pitstop in life. You may stop moving along the road but you’ll get started soon enough. As long as you’re a good person to yourself and the others in your life, you’re not a failure in my eyes.