Silverlight Rising Part I: ForceFall

Chapter Five: The Exiled One

Why is it that when we are alone we find that our minds wonder aimlessly. Imagining what we will number one: never truly grasps and number two: never truly attain. I find myself grasping onto the words Xyon-Kray said to the council before his assault. How feeble and primitive our knowledge of the Force is, how we have squandered it and abused its gift. Everything in me begs to differ as if the words he spoke were meaningless and yet how can we deny his superiority. His power and tenacity on a magnitude greater that any Jedi or Sith to have ever lived. Is it possible to consider, even imagine for a second that he is right…Is it even possible to attain the level of power necessary to contend with a being of such caliber that he boggles the minds of our brightest with ease. Then there is probably the most terrifying notion of all, is this what the force wants?

The sound of my makeshift cell door sliding open pulls me from my thoughts as Pensim walks in and greets me with a nervous glare. I smile in response making him even more uncomfortable.

“I…I’m not supposed to talk to you.” He says in a timid voice.

“Well you just did…” I respond mockingly. He clasps his mouth together and sits across from me. “How long have you been a Jedi Initiate?” He looks at me and frowns. “I’ll just keep talking until you respond.”

Pensim glowers and folds his arms across his chest. His dull orange skin and short yellow hair flashes red with frustration or disdain. It must be difficult for him to hide his feelings. “Since I was five.” He says reluctantly.

Pensim looked to be about fourteen which meant he was on the verge of becoming a Jedi’s Padawan. I remember the day I transitioned from Initiate to Padawan I was so proud and so was Kavin. “Did you already have a Master?”

This time Pensim gave me a sad look, causing his hair to turn pale white. “He...Halgin was just a Jedi Knight he tried to protected us from those things.” He says softly, as if talking about the Silverlights would summon them. “But he was no match for them.”

“Yeah, I get how that feels…being helpless while others fall around you.” I respond.

Pensim stares at me strangely. “You’re different…” he stops before finishing.

“Different from the Sith you learned about?” I finish. “Yeah, I’m starting to think the same.”

He nods his head. “You use to be part of the Conclave, right?” the color starts to return to his hair.

“Yes, that was a long time ago. My brother and I were orphans.” I respond

“Why did you leave? I mean, what made you fall…sorry.” He scoots back a little, this time his bright cyan eyes become almost black.

I let out a chuckle. “Not everything is what it seems, I realized that and had to leave.”

Pensim nods his head. “Does it have to do with Master Qin?”

He was so innocent and untouched by this terrible, terrible war and yet I had the power to destroy the very thing he believes. It would be easy just one phrase and he would be shaken to his core but I remember how that felt when it happened to me. “What’s between Master Qin and myself has nothing to do with the matter at hand. You should focus on your training so when this mess is figured out you can finally become a Padawan.”

The words I spoke were surprisingly supportive. What’s wrong with me, a year ago I would have killed Pensim without a second thought, he was…is my enemy. Is it that I’m sick of this conflict or am I getting soft or maybe it’s when I look at Pensim I see a little bit of myself? I don’t know, but I need a reality check.

The room becomes uncomfortably silent; no doubt Pensim picked up on my conflicted thoughts. I feel a sting in the back of my head, the type of sting that indicated something bad was happening as if millions were being slaughtered or hurt in some gruesome way. From the looks of it Pensim noticed it as well. His skin turn near white and his hair turned almost blue.

“What…” he stammers “What is that?” his eyes were darting from side to side, trying to make sense of the feeling he was having.

I give him a grave look. “That is what it feels like when the force echoes with turmoil something bad is happening. It’s similar to what I felt when Korriban was destroyed, but not exactly the same.”

Tears begin to form in Pensim’s eyes as they were turning from shades of red to dark blue and gray. He is amazingly sensitive for such a young kid. Most children don’t possess this level of acute sensitivity this early. “Why is this happening?” he asks.

“I don’t know, but if we don’t start working together we may never live to find out.” Again my words are overly supportive; I feel a part of me ache with self-loathing.

The feeling soon dissipates; Pensim and I attempt to shrug it off and continued to carry on with our conversation. Most of what we talked about was his past and how he missed his family. A sacrifice all young Jedi make when they join the order. I was ok with his chatter; it gave me something to occupy my mind from of what was happening. In a way I could feel that he was calmer as well, the color had returned to his face almost like reminiscing on the good times was enough to shroud the bad times.

It wasn’t long before the door to the room slides open. Tome and Mara were standing there. “Pensim, it’s time to switch.” Mara says softly.

Pensim nods his head and flashes me a slight smile before walking out of the room. Mara enters and closes the door. There is something different about her that not only intrigued me but also struck me odd since we began this little adventure. She is not like the other Jedi, she is confident and proud maybe even stubborn. Traits that Jedi Councilors typically don’t possess.

I clear my throat gaining her attention. “Thanks for before.”

She purses her reddish-purple lips tightly. “There is no need to thank me; it was the right thing to do.”

“Do you really think so?” Mara gives me a quizzical look, pushing a lock of her blue-silver hair back behind her ear. “I’m your enemy; I wouldn’t have shown you the same mercy.” I finish.

She tilts her head a bit. “Something tells me you would have; despite your past crimes I can see a little light in you.”

I couldn’t help but to stare into her ruby eyes. “So is that why you saved me, you think you can bring me back to the light.” I respond in a sarcastic tone.

She scowls, her cheeks change from soft lavender to a darker purple. “The light does not discriminate, it never has. Worse people in the past have turned to the light all they need to do is seek it out. Besides, what happened at the Conclave has changed you.”

She was right, no matter how hard I try to erase the image of my brother as that thing I can’t. If there were any doubts I had about the order before they have been completely magnified. I feel as though I’m falling apart at the seams, Xyon-Kray has changed everything.

I look up realizing that I have been in silent though for several minutes. “You know Master Qin will not let me stand trial.” I state matter-of-factly.

“He is a Jedi Master; he will uphold the laws and teaching of the order.” She responds in a much rehearsed fashion.

“And will you be there if he doesn’t?” This time she looked surprised. I doubt she’s ever been asked by a Sith for protection from one of her own, but hey she’s already saved me once.

She blushes a little before opening her mouth to hesitantly respond; years of training never prepared her for an encounter with a vulnerable Sith. “I will do what I can.” She musters out in a soft but alluring tone.

I bow my head in gratitude and the room becomes awkwardly quite…I hate quite. “So what do you want to know about me?”

Mara’s face contorts into a confused look. “Excuse me?”

“You’re a Jedi Counselor; you’re always seeking the truth and knowledge of the force. Finding diplomatic solutions to hard issues and what not.” I give her a satirical look. “Well you’re currently sitting in the same room as one of the highest ranking Sith Infiltrators, wanted for crimes across the galaxy and you, a Jedi Counselor, don’t have a single question for me.” I finish with a wink.

She fidgets uncomfortably as the dark shade of purple returns to her cheeks. “I…well.” She starts and looks away. “I only have one question.”

I feel a smile grow on my face. “I’m an open data disc.”

“Why do they call you the Exiled One?” She rattles off quickly.

I recoil in the wake of the question, I haven’t thought about those days in an extremely long time. It wasn’t her fault, she doesn’t know. “It’s more of an insult than a grand title.” I say flatly.

Her expression changes drastically. “I apologize I didn’t mean…”

I hold up my hand forestalling her excuse. “It’s alright, I haven’t thought about it in a while.”

“If it is too much…you don’t have to.” Mara says genuinely. She stares at me intensely, I feel a fire start inside me but I suppress it.

I look at her and contemplate telling the truth of my namesake’s origin. A part of me doesn’t want to relive those days on Korriban but then again, something about Mara makes me want to confide in her. “When Kavin and I left the Conclave we join the Sith academy on Korriban. Kavin was naturally gifted and he adapted well under the Sith doctrines but I…” I hesitate. “Struggled.”

“It must have been horrible.” Mara utter, subtly biting her bottom lip sending a burning sensation through my body.

I nod my head and refocus. “It was toughest at the beginning, the Sith promote infighting and betrayal as a means to weed out the weak. After months of this you quickly learn that you can’t trust anyone, I was more alone than ever.” Mara’s eye widen with reserved anticipation. “At my lowest all I had was Kavin, but we had to hide our relation for fear of reprisal. Love and affection, while being incredibly strong emotions are frowned upon in the order.”

Mara grimaces. “They would have made you fight to the death if they knew?”

“Yes, we had seen it before and it wasn’t pretty. Then I met Ny’emma; she was viciously passionate and disastrously brilliant.” My thoughts return to the first time I met her, the smell of her cherry blonde hair and the touch of her flawless tanned skin. “She was already an apprentice by the time our paths crossed, but we fell for each other nonetheless…meager emotions that cloud your judgment. We both knew it was forbidden but we indulged in our secret love for months.” Mara scoots closer to me, hanging on every word. “Then the day I thought I’d never be alive to see…my graduation.” The swath of memories and emotions cause a subtle ache in the back of my head.

Mara notices my mood shift. “What did they make you do?” she asks innocently.

I look at Mara and frown. The memory was blurred by years of repression accept for Ny’emma she was perfectly in focus, I can still remember the intricate details of the sash she used to hide the fact that she had no eyes. Despite her lack of physical sight, she was able to see better than most through the force. “In order for an Initiate to become a Sith Apprentice they must first…challenge another apprentice and kill them in combat.” Mara places her hand over her mouth. “Ny’emma and I thought we were so clever, hiding our relationship for as long as we did. But we were so wrong. On the day of graduation they lined all the apprentices up and allowed each initiate to challenge them.”

“They made you kill…” Mara’s words trail off.

“One by one each initiate in my graduating class challenged an apprentice, some winning…most losing. Then it was my turn, I confidently stepped into the arena. I was ready and when I turned to face my opponent my heart dropped.” My nerves were getting to me the memories of that day still haunt me even now.

“It was her wasn’t it, Ny’emma?” Mara gets even closer to me. “Did you?”

I look away avoiding Mara’s eyes. “I couldn’t, we fought but we both knew we would never take the final blow. So they made us fight until fatigue set in, until we could barely stand and then they ordered me to kill her. Kavin watched in silent horror as I approached the girl I had loved with my blade extended over my head.” A spontaneous tear fall down my cheek. “But I couldn’t, she was killed in front of me by her master, Darth Gilkiv, and I was exiled to the wastes of Korriban for my failure and weakness.”

“Why didn’t they kill you?” Mara asks brushing a tear off her cheek.

“Kavin vouched for me, he took a lashing so that I would be spared and exiled. In reality, however, exile was just as much a death sentence in of itself.” The barren wastes of Korriban where just as harsh and unforgiving as the Sith who resided there. The creatures were . That’s why they call me the Exiled One because for three years I survived in a place where no one else could and when I returned I was stronger than they had ever imagined.” I stare at Mara intently as she slowly slides away from me.

“I’m so sorry that happened to you.” She says

I shrug. “It’s the past now, I cannot change what I cannot control.”

Mara looks around the room for a second or two before staring back at me. “How did you survive on Korriban that long?”

I smile knowing full well that was the next question, the same question everyone asked me when I returned. “That’s a secret I will take to my grave.”

Mara’s crimson eyes narrow with curiosity. She opens her mouth to push the issue when the same familiar sting hits us both. Her eyes widen and her mouth opens a bit. The feeling was similar to the one Pensim and I felt as if millions of people were being killed but it was different. It felt as though people were being violently severed from the force. Mara gasps as the ache increases with ever second, culminating into one realization. We were heading for the source of the disturbance, we were heading for Coruscant.