《200X300》Chapter 11 - You
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Thanks to the sudden demise of Tusky, her wore off and the narrator wasn't fired from his job. Mark saved the day, so he would enjoy an insult-free chapter this time. Even Sebille did a good job substituting the narrator, despite being an NPC princess. She smiled proudly, then looked to the right and happened to spot a cone of magical ice-cream floating past her, just within arm's reach.
"Wow, thanks!" Sebille said, then grabbed the ice-cream. It was strawberry flavored. Her favorite!
"I don't get any?" Mark asked, pouting like a little girl in a very manly manner. But then he remembered that he still had a rabbit soup to cook, so he sighed and decided to bring one more bucket of water and continue where he left off.
Just as he turned towards the town... err, what was its name? Something with a T... Anyways, just as he turned towards the town— wait, or was it a village? Anyways, Tusky was coming from that way.
"Tusky?!" the orc scowled, turning her palm towards the sky again. "Say that again!"
*gulp*
KissMyTusk18, the ferocious yet beautiful orc lady was coming from that way. She smiled in satisfaction as she headed straight towards Mark. Once she got near, she got on her knees and turned his head upwards, exposing her throat.
"My life is yours," KissMyTusk18 said.
Mark raised an eyebrow, then turned to Sebille to ask what was going on, but the princess was just as clueless.
"I accept," Mark said without knowing what he is accepting, "But what is going on?"
KissMyTusk18 got to her feet and bowed deeply. "It is orc custom. The first man who beats me in a fight will be my husband."
"Say whaaaat?!" Mark exclaimed.
"Don't worry," KissMyTusk18 said, glancing between Mark and Sebille, "I have no problems with polygamy."
"Well..." Mark trailed off, "If you are fine with it, I guess it's okay."
He was the good guy, and he didn't want to insult her by denying her the right to exercise her traditions. If she wanted to submit to the first man who proved to be stronger than her, so be it.
Mark felt it was strange that he was the first man to win KissMyTusk18 over. Lots of players were playing Fantasiaia Online, but who knew? Maybe Mark really was the first amongst thousands. Maybe there weren't any men around this area, besides Mark. So far, the story didn't introduce any capable young man that could become Mark's rival, and with good reason. This way, all the ladies would flock to him.
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"But KissMyTusk18 is a bit of a mouthful," Mark remarked. "So I'd like to call you Tusky if you don't mind. I think it's a cute name."
KissMyTusk18 blushed. "Really?"
"Yes, really."
"Then I don't mind, xXxNoobSpanker720xXx."
"Ah, call me Mark," xXxNoobSpanker720xXx said a bit awkwardly.
"As you wish, my husband."
Woah, wasn't that moving a bit too fast? It surprised even the narrator. There hadn't been any marriages yet—although who knew how orc marriages looked like? Maybe all you needed is to do was to tell your nickname to your partner.
"Say, Tusky," Mark spoke to her, "Do you perchance know how to cook?"
"Yes, I do! Would you like me to prepare dinner for you?"
Mark brightened up instantly. Not that he wasn't bright enough because of the prospect of yet another waifu, but now he was even brighter.
"Yes, that would be awesome!"
"Then I shall get to it at once, my beloved husband," Tusky said.
She smiled at Mark, then skipped happily towards the remnants of the bonfire. She was happy to serve her husband, because she had no real personality and she was behaving rather illogical—
"
—THAT IS TO SAY, this wasn't actually true! It only seemed like she had no personality, but in truth, she was a really complex character. The depths of her personality couldn't be expressed by simple sentences, but she was easily the most 3-dimensional character in this novel. In fact, she was four—no, she was five dimensional! A really great character.
"Nice save!" Sebille said, giving a thumbs-up.
Tusky whipped up some kind of basic—but insanely delicious!—dinner with her skills, and soon everyone was salivating over the meals Tusky had made. The orc lady also had a lot of other ingredients for Cooking, and a couple of bowls and utensils as well (which Mark totally forgot to get previously). Everyone settled down and began eating happily.
Things have finally quietened down. Now that Mark was well fed and didn't need to hurry anywhere, hopefully he would focus on progressing the story. This current plot was getting dangerously close to the slice of life genre, which in most cases was a sure sign that the author was getting out of ideas. But it won't happen with this novel!
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Yes, this novel wasn't using slice of life elements just to drag the story out for as long as possible. It wasn't in order to increase the wordcount and the length of chapters. No! Ordinary and everyday activities can be interesting too, if our main characters are doing them. What kind of reader wouldn't want to read about how their favorite characters ate, what they ate, how long they digested it, and when they went to the toilet?
"And what they did on the toilet," Sebille added helpfully.
Exactly! There are so many itty-bitty tidbits that can be shared about these characters. It was always good to amaze the readers by how detailed the characters were. Slice of life elements were what made the whole world alive! Some readers may complain that they began to read the novel for the grand adventures and the gripping action, but those readers don't know what's good for them. In their subconscious they will appreciate that the author thought out a world so well that every meal is described in great detail.
So what if in the meantime, these slice of life elements aren't progressing the plot at all? So what if these elements don't contribute anything to the world or the story? So what if these things often just leave the readers disappointed? So what if they just increase the number of pages written? Asking rhetorical questions do so too.
In fact, writing pointless paragraphs like this one—or the previous two—increased the length of the chapters too, and it wasn't a bad thing. In litRPG novels, another great tactic was to post the complete character sheet multiple times. That was a sure way to easily dish out even more words. Unfortunately Mark's character sheet hadn't been planned out was a secret, so it couldn't be posted at this point of the story. But! Pointless paragraphs like this one could still be written quite effortlessly.
It was actually quite easy to write about nothing or just talk in circles. And since the readers are too invested at this point, they'll read everything anyways. Even if it was actually stated that the remainder of this chapter won't contain anything relevant to the story, the readers would still read on. That's why they are called readers, aren't they?
It is a strange feeling, to read on and on, and know within your heart that this last part of the chapter is bullshit, but you still read on, because you want to reach the bottom of the page. The awareness of reading something that is utterly meaningless, but still not being able stop. This isn't even slice of life anymore, this is just talking about talking. Writing for the sake of writing, and reading for the sake of reading.
Now, all those readers who have made it this far, no doubt expect some kind of twist at the end. Maybe the narrator will drop some extra information about Mark? Or do some foreshadowing about the plot? It could be ingeniously hidden in the last few lines. Only the most tenacious of the readers would read it, but it would be a great reward for their efforts.
Well, nope. No foreshadowing, or interesting hints. Some other readers might hope at this point, that this chapter would then at least end with something funny. One that would make the reader laugh out loud, a good consolation for all this blabbering. Well, nope again. This chapter will end without a single joke. All these lines won't prove any point, will be utterly boring, and would make the readers feel that they really should have finished this chapter several paragraphs ago.
.
.
.
...or not. Please, please, don't downvote, or the narrator might lose his job. Here is a joke stolen from the interwebz, just to make up for this annoying chapter:
A mother is holding her newborn son for the first time.
"I think I'll name him Thomas," she says.
"I'm sorry but that name is already taken," the doctor says, "But you can call him Thomas3 or Thomas97."
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