Fenrin heard when they left the cell, but couldn't make out the words as they talked on the other side of the door. He wasn't lying when he'd said he was tired. He'd never been this tired in his life...or this scared.

Something was definitely wrong with him. It felt like he was being stalked by something in his own head and every instinct told him sleep would mean death.

But there was nothing here to hurt him.

Matius seemed an alright sort, bit jumpy but he was a mage. Jayln trusted him, hells from the way she kept glancing at him, she more than trusted him.

Three months. It was a long time and he struggled to make sense of it. It seemed so recent that he and Jayln had stepped into that valley, hope and purpose coursing through his veins. But it also felt like a lifetime ago when he considered the neverending pain he knew he'd endured.

The mage had been smart to warn him not to think about it too much. It was a sticky place, touching it left red marks on him that he couldn't remove. It bothered him that he couldn't remember the three months clearly but he wasn't so much of an idiot not to realize that was probably a good thing. If his body was an indication, there wasn't anything pleasant to remember.

Fenrin reached up, Jayln no longer here to stop him and ran his fingers over his forehead. He knew something was there but the skin was smooth, albeit grimy with sweat. A symbol flashed in his mind and made him gasp.

Niv.

A cruel smile, the painful touch, they ran like shivers down his spine. He didn't want to remember. Fenrin reached out slowly and painfully and managed to down the cup Matius had left.

Before he turned to try to lie back down on his back, his eyes fixated themselves on the cell bars. Locked in. Although the cell door was ajar, Fenrin's hackles rose as he felt a jolt of adrenaline telling him to run—to escape.

“I can't even stand,” he told himself and wrenched his eyes away, lying down with a hiss of pain.

The drugs worked quickly and he felt his head start to fog. One part of him watched the corners of his mind nervously, looking for the hunting beast but the fog was thick and soon there was nothing left.

A crash startled him awake and he cried out as his muscles screamed at his sudden movement.

"Damn it! Sorry, Fenrin."

His mind whirled and then the pieces clicked into place. Jayln. The valley. The mage. The cell. His eyes focused, Jayln was holding her foot, face twisted in pain as a tray full of food lay scattered on the floor. It took Fenrin a second to realize what was different.

"The bars..."

Jayln let go of her foot and gave him a smile. "We couldn't actually remove them, but Matius illusioned them away so they weren't such an eyesore. But technically they are still there, as my foot just poignantly reminded me."

She looked at the mess she'd made with frustration. "Shoot, now I'll have to ask Fa'raz for more. Not to mention something to clean this up with. I'll be right back." Jayln turned and left back into the hall and Fenrin attempted to sit up.

He huffed and puffed, but when Jayln returned with a bucket and mop, he was still prone. "Help me up," he said with gritted teeth and Jayln put her tools down and half-help, half-pull him to a sitting position.

"Thanks," he wheezed.

"No problem. Take it easy."

She returned to cleaning up the mess and Fenrin glanced around again. The room seemed much bigger without the bars. There was another cot on the other side along with a wooden table and set of chairs. The torch that illuminated the room was also on the far side by the door, even the long shadows of the bars were gone and if it wasn't for Jayln's careful stepping, he'd truly believe they'd been removed.

When Jayln finished, a waif of a girl in white robes with blue skin came in with a new tray of food. "Oh thank you, Fa'raz, I'll be more careful this time." Jayln took the plate and the girl gave Fenrin an inquisitive glance.

The girl wasn't scared, her dark eyes more calculating and curious. Fenrin stared her down and eventually she bit her lip and turned away. Such a strange little thing.

Like a punch to the nose, the memory hit him hard. A blue skinned face screaming in agony as he pounded his fists into it, red spattering around them. His knuckles tearing through skin and flesh with sheer force. The body going limp beneath him. A howl of victory.

"Fenrin?" Jayln's voice snapped him back and he turned to her look of concern.

He was breathing heavily and his fingers were curled into fists, knuckles white. He swallowed bile. "I'm fine."

She looked at him suspiciously and plopped the tray of food on his lap. "I doubt that very much. Can you eat yourself?"

Glaring at her, he slowly and painfully reached and grabbed the piece of toast, the butter running off the side as he lifted it. After a few bites, he sat back winded and Jayln seized her chance, reaching over to compare his pulse and temperature with her own.

"Satisfied?" he asked sarcastically, not too happy with her taking advantage of his condition.

"That you're not dead? Sure. With how much you managed to eat, not so much."

He grunted and attempted to finish his toast as she sat silently beside him.

With forced neutrality she said, "Matius found a doctor for you. You going to be fine with him working on you?"

Fenrin considered putting up a fuss, or at least pretending to so she’d get riled up but decided he was too tired and just grunted, "I've had doctors before, this isn't my first serious injury, you know."

She flushed. "I just wanted to check. He's an Azir doctor by the way."

"Whatever."

Nobody liked the down time after an injury, gods knows Lyra was an absolute nightmare the time she was bedridden, but Fenrin wanted to be back on his feet and if that meant letting a blueskin poke about, so be it.

"Great, I'll let him know." Jayln got up to leave and Fenrin felt a bit of annoyance, she almost seemed disappointed he didn't put up a fight.

After she left, Fenrin considered his position. Jayln had to be the reason he wasn't dead, the reason he'd been healed and fed. Once he was back on his feet...then what?

“You go back to the valley like you planned.” That was his first thought but images of black robes people and the smell of blood and burning flesh made his heart skip with fear. Some part of his mind skidded back from the mere idea of going towards the valley and the dark fort inside—her dark fort.

"Come back home, Wolf. There's so much more to hunt, so much more pain to give."

He could picture her voice so clearly. His body shook and the glass of milk on his tray tipped, flooding the rest of his food.

No, Niv was gone. She had to be or he wouldn't be here. Pure fear, like ice clutched his heart. He would do anything to not be back with her, back in that cage. His stomach churned with repulsion, threatening to upend his breakfast. It was the feeling he'd seen in so many other people's eyes. Lesser people. People who snivelled and followed his family's orders.

"You broke, Fen," Lyra's voice, full of disgust and condescending, "Pathetic. And the worst of it is, I think you liked it..."

"SHUT UP!" Fenrin flung the tray and it crashed against the stone. How would he continue? How would he face Lyra? She would smell his failure on him, her lips curling in disgust.

Screw Lyra. But that wasn't enough, he'd backed into that red cloud and like a stain, the memories stayed.

The pain was familiar, but what lay underneath was pleasure. A sick pleasure at being the one to inflict the pain. The bloodlust, all of it to please her. To give pain and receive it, that was her court, her domain. How perfectly he had fit at her side, she was everything he'd believed in—the strength, the conquest, the victory. It was just an amplification of what he'd believed in his whole life. It was a stain he could not erase. How would he face Jayln?

Screw Jayln. The survivalist sneered but that made Fenrin recoil.

There was a reason Jayln was important. His beaten brain couldn't pin it down but he clung to that feeling. There was something he'd needed to finish.

"Do you care about her, Fenrin?" Lyra asked with disdain as Fenrin found his hands clutching the sides of his head.

“I do.” But why? “She's important. We…”

New memories, these not from the red corner. Travelling with Jayln had made him see something, something he'd lost a long time ago.

Something better. A shared purpose. A chance at a better happiness.

"We both know that's not for you, Fen. Why would she want to continue with you anyway? You're a broken dog, feral and rabid. A danger and a failure," Lyra purred in his mind. "Why is she even here? Three months, she could be home with her family, instead she's nursing after a lost cause."

Unbidden Fenrin's thoughts mulled over that question and Lyra laughed, "Oh? So it's not you at all, is it? It's Matius, the mage who saved her—and you—did what you could not. I suppose you're just a project, an excuse to stick around and..."

"Fenrin, how are you?" Matius materialized on the other side of the room and Fenrin looked at him. The man started and Fenrin's stomach flipped as he realized the animosity baying in his mind must have shown. "I, er, could come back later."

The mage's eyes fell on the thrown tray and he rubbed his chin. Coming to some sort of decision, Matius took a deep breath and then walked towards Fenrin. He snapped his fingers and the chair flew over for him to sit a few feet from Fenrin.

"You seem like you have a lot on your mind. Want to talk about it? I find talking things through with someone helps things make more sense."

Fenrin's mouth felt glued shut but he managed to croak, "Why am I here?"

Matius sat back considering the question. "An understandable inquiry and one I think you'd get different answers for. At least from my point of view, you are here because of two reasons. One," he held up a finger, "the Azir have a duty against the Accursed Ones and that includes repairing any damage they do. Second," his eyes grew softer, "Jayln believes in you and you saved her life so she wants to repay you."

Fenrin sneered. "She doesn't owe me anything and we both know it."

Matius frowned and stared at Fenrin, studying him carefully. "I'm not so sure."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Matius cocked his head. "Why don't you tell me why you don't think Jayln owes you anything?"

Fenrin narrowed his eyes, trying to work out Matius's game. He didn't know much about the mage, other than that he had a hand in both Jayln's escape and his rescue. Not to mention he supposedly removed a curse from his mind.

However, the mage seemed honestly curious so Fenrin said slowly, "We had a deal, Jayln and I, and it was working out until I made the mistake of dragging her into that fortress."

"You couldn't have known what was in there."

"I knew it was Brimstones. She didn't want to go in but I was so—" Fenrin stopped suddenly, his brows furrowing. There it was. He'd been so excited. Not for clearing cultists or conquering fortresses, it was the valley itself. He'd been so excited to have a place of his own, to show Jayln and himself that he'd been right and he could start over.

"Yes?" Matius prompted and despite himself Fenrin answered.

"I was...excited. We were so close, everything was working out and then...then it all fell apart. There were too many and we were caught, I gave her a chance to run and..." Fenrin's mind turned back and the memories were too close to the red cloud. Matius shifted and Fenrin's eyes snapped to him at the movement.

"You made a distraction so Jayln could get out. No need to ruminate on that time anymore today."

Something didn't add up. At the time, he had tried to make a distraction so Jayln could slip out. But now, knowing the power Niv had, there was no way she'd have gotten away. Unless...

"You got her out, didn't you," Fenrin stated. "You were there, you're the only one who could have. She owes you, not me."

Matius fidgeted under his accusatory look. "Yes, I was there. We got out together while they were focused on you."

"If that were true you wouldn't have asked. Gods, no wonder she's so enamored by you."

Matius's face flushed and then he took a deep breath. Fenrin felt a mix of satisfaction and shame, but that all got tangled in a ball of confusing emotion when Matius asked, "Do you love her, Fenrin?"

He opened his mouth and then closed it. Did he what?

Matius looked away, perhaps considering retracting the questions but the words slipped out of Fenrin into the space between them, "I don't think I know what that means."

That got Matius's attention and Fenrin laughed. "I proposed to her once, twice actually." Matius blinked and then his eyes widened incredulously and Fenrin grinned. "She made that same face. Well, maybe with more disgust. The conversation after was...enlightening. I suppose I don't understand the question because I'm not sure I understand what love is. What about you? Do you love her?"

The mage smiled and there was something soft and warm in his eyes that made Fenrin feel a bit hollow. "I think I do. I also think you do, but perhaps not in the same way."

He waved a hand. "But I should apologize, it probably wasn't very fair of me to spring that on you." After a brief hesitation he asked, "Out of curiosity, what did she say after your...proposal?"

"You mean after scoffing and saying no? Well she tried to explain what it meant to her. Something about trust, love, and shared purpose. I didn't really get it at the time although I think I'm beginning to understand the shared purpose bit."

"Really? And why's that?"

Fenrin gave Matius a look to which he just smiled back pleasantly. The man was pushing his luck and knew it, but for some reason, Fenrin didn't mind. Matius's questions, as awkward and poignant as they were, made better company than his thoughts and demons.

"I suppose it's because we reached that point. Jayln and me, I mean. I don't know if she told you about our deal but originally we had a bit of a tit for tat thing going. I got a bit carried away and blew that and after she made me realize in a way we were searching for the same thing."

"And what was that?"

"A new life. For her it was one where her people could be safe and evolve their way of life, and for me it meant a future under my own terms, outside the influence of my family."

"Ah, I see what you mean by a shared purpose."

"Yeah, it was nice while it lasted." For a moment the memory touched him, so light and warm compared to the red cloud. That glimmer of happiness, staring down at the valley, Jayln next to him, her eyes filled with the hope he felt in his own heart.

"While it lasted? Did you change your mind?"

Fenrin snapped back to the present and growled, "It wasn't me that messed with my mind."

"You don't believe as you did before, that you can have a 'new life' as you put it?" Matius frowned with concern.

"I tried running from that world, turns out the only place to run was to one worse." His voice raised and he felt anger bubble up and he lashed out. "It was a naïve dream Jayln tricked me into before reality came back to beat the reminder into me."

Frustratingly, Matius remained calm. "You think the world is worse then?"

Fenrin gritted his teeth. "No, I think it's exactly what it always was. A place where the strong take what they want and those who can't stop them are trampled beneath. It's the way of the world. Any thoughts otherwise are just attempts to ignore the ugly inevitability. My family beat Valhym to the bone, Jayln and her people beat me and my men, and then...and then she ripped apart the pieces. From what I hear, after that your Arch Mage beat the Brimstones. It's just a food chain and I've fallen to the bottom."

"An interesting view but one that Jayln's mentioned she's argued with you about before."

"She's wrong and it's only a matter of time before the truth catches up with her," Fenrin said bitterly.

"You mentioned her defeating you, do you consider her someone who tramples those beneath her."

Fenrin paused before answering and for a moment Matius looked satisfied, but then he frowned at Fenrin's eventual answer, "I used to think it was a fluke she beat me. Then I had to face the reality of it. Perhaps that's what made me fool myself, made me believe that she knew something I didn't. But now I realize it wasn't that she had a leg up, it was that I was much weaker than I thought. That I was just ripe for a fall."

"You think you were weak?"

Fenrin tapped his head. "Weak here. Always have been. Lyra knew it, Jayln knew it, and then..." he spat the name, "Niv proved it."

"Lyra. That's your twin sister, right?"

Fenrin flinched. "Yeah, she was always the smart one." He laughed, "She knows how the world works, has known since she was a child. You can bet your robes she'll have Valhym and anything else she wants. Gods, that's the worst of it, knowing she was right all along."

"Hmmm. She certainly is a character, but I wouldn't consent to her philosophies just yet."

Matius stood up and placed a hand on Fenrin's shoulder. "As someone who's been in that head of yours, I can tell you that there's nothing weak about it. I think there's still a lot for you and Jayln to learn from each other and I want to see that happen, for both of your sakes. Every night has a dawn as they say, so while we're still kicking, let's see what the next day brings."

Fenrin snorted but Matius's hand stayed and eventually he shrugged.

Matius stepped back. "Thank you for talking with me, I've got to attend to my duties, but I'll be by later."

Fenrin's long hair whipped his face as the air swirled into a strong breeze and Matius vanished. Alone again, Fenrin painfully lowered himself back down on the bed, thinking over everything.