-15 Kiromir

Thanus made me think when he asked about my jealousy. I lit fire over my hand, watched the blue flames lick cold in the night air. Moisture condensed and formed light snow onto my skin within it. Of course, I knew that Niala would find someone, and part of me did notice how close the two of them had gotten. Though, I worked to stop that a lot over the past year. My only qualm was his laziness and nothing else. It did make me realize, though, that if I had really cared about either of them the way I thought I did… that maybe… just maybe… I would have invested a little more time into Gaffriel. I just didn’t see the two not keeping at it until the worst happened.

I went into the back of my house and rummaged through a drawer. Niala had been cleaning the front. I kept a pack of cigarettes for ‘just in case’ moments like these. Mostly, I just liked to hold one in my mouth. Today, though, I lit one and took a long draw. Then, I stood in the doorway and walked outside. I made my way around the side of my house that didn’t face any other buildings. It was as close to privacy as I got. I didn’t want to be seen or bothered.

“Got another one?” I heard from my peripheral. Thanus stood there, arm outstretched, and I held out the pack. He took one and made a beckoning gesture with his hand for the lighter. I patted myself down and couldn’t find it, but Thanus didn’t seem bothered. Instead, he leaned into me with his lips holding the filter. He touched the end of his to the lit end of mine. His soft lips pulled as they both glowed in just a second. The dim glow of the fire between us bickered. My face, mere inches from his, sent a shock of something through me, and I remembered his scent of earth and ozone. I remember him holding me as he pulled me off Gaff. Thanus was one of the few people that I felt comfortable letting into my personal space.

As I registered the closeness, he pulled away, expression going stern and cold.

“You know those things will kill you.” I wasn’t in a joking mood, but his eyes rolled all the same.

“Maybe you,” Thanus said with a huff. Relatively little hurt us like that. I shrugged it off.

“Bout that thing I said earlier….” Thanus gave an obligatory cough. I glanced sideways at him. He was a bit withdrawn, keeping that extra foot of distance from me to show he was mad. I knew he was disappointed in me over the boy. I think he was disappointed in himself, too. Gaff’s mom was his cousin. But then again, everyone was a cousin or close to at least one Greentree kid. His family had a good track record for spitting out strong boys.

“You know. Last summer, I figured a little something out. I think it might… I know why….” Thanus stumbled over his words, fretting over something. “Ever tried to uh… test your fires, say, on other people?”

I turned my head toward him. “Other people? I’ve tried every unbound woman of age since I turned sixteen. You ask me if I’ve tried ‘other people.’ HAH.” I took a menacing drag off of my cigarette. He just stared at his. Thanus fretted anxiously and squirmed in place as he thought about what he had to do.

“By other people, I mean… Please don’t… Just… Can you trust me for a minute?” Thanus asked. He was strained and tired from the sounds of it. He put in his fair share on our mission, but he hadn’t been through the night I had. I hated to see him this irritated, but I had to put my foot down with Gaff, or he’d set a bad example for the other boys. Hell, he’d either make me look weak or convince the gaggle of them that testing my orders could be done so lightly. My word had to be heeded to a fault; our lives depended on it. If we didn’t follow my lead and order, we might start returning one hunter short every mission.

“Just out with it.” I took a long drag off my cigarette and exhaled. It felt good to be inundated with that consuming stink of tobacco and feel the prickle on my throat. It overpowered Thanus’s ault. He probably needed a shower himself, too; he reeked of it.

“Show me your fire.” His lips twisted, and I did. I let my hand and arm light up, flickering in a cold soundless flame. Thanus stared at it anxiously. His lips twisted as he stared down at my fire, and I figured he would do something weird, but I froze in shock.

He lit his hand, extending it over to offer me the flickering pool of his electricity. I drew my hand back a moment.

“What?” I asked. He couldn’t have been suggesting we try it, but he was. He looked at me with wide dark amber eyes, brown in the wrong light. I knew the sour sting of a rejected fire.

“Just… Just trust me,” Thanus pleaded. I’d never tested a man’s fires before. So I assumed it’d just fail automatically.

“Thanus, we’re both men!”

“Kiromir!” He barked at me and gestured his hand again. “As your second in command, someone you should trust implicitly, just do it, please.”

I stared at him for a long moment.

I rolled my eyes, thrust my hand out, and we grasped hands like we were to arm wrestle. I winced. I readied myself for the electric shock to run up my body, to sear me. But, instead, I felt a hovering buzz, a tingling of my skin, warm, like candle wax melting. My cold ebbed with Thanus’s lightning. Then, blue and yellow fire spun and accepted to one another in a guttering thrum before silencing to nothing. So, there we were, hands clasped, lives changed forever.

We watched our hands for a moment. My cigarette felt loose and ready to fall from my lips. Thanus held his in his off-hand, and his eyes were full of meaning. He wanted me to understand some secret, and I did. He couldn’t find a woman because his fires didn’t call out to women. We didn’t let go of our hands, though.

“You’re not… You’re… Jehanni… a swan.” I didn’t want to process the possibilities. I’d never thought of Thanus as the type to be gay.

All those years of chasing girls, and he finally shows me his true nature… huh.

“Yeah. Last summer, I did it, found out fairly quickly during migration,” Thanus said with a metered tone. “I’ve wanted to show you since then, had to work up the nerve.” Thanus’s pleading mahogany gold eyes bore down into my own, looking for something. He squeezed his fingers around my own, and I squeezed back out of some instinct.

His hand feels so nice.

“So… That…” It said a lot about him. He knew someone was out there for him; it just wasn’t a woman. I felt a little jealous… Then it hit me. I looked down at my hand then back to him. I’d never had a successful melding before, and… it felt good. It felt really good. My eyes went wide, and my expression must have said far more than I did. My stomach sank into a curled knot.

“Yeah,” Thanus said. He avoided looking at me, crossed his arms, and pretended to pay more attention to his cigarette.

“I never thought much about that.”

Thanus took a slow drag. “I didn’t either.” Smoke danced over his lips. He had nice lips for a man, I noticed. He also had captivating sold grey wings that I had stared at for years…

Oh… Oh creator… I really am…

I’m a swan.

Thanus stood his ground that respectable distance away, just out of my reach. I steeled myself as complicated emotions writhed in me, and I crossed the distance. I leaned against my house and pushed up against him, shoulder to shoulder.

I didn’t need to say anything.

I didn’t want to say anything.

“Thanks, man,” I said, just something to break the silence.

He pushed into me, a gentle shove. I shoved back.

Maybe, I thought, things would be okay.