《No Face, No Life》085
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In the street outside, we paused briefly. Ume seized us in a tight group hug, being as the policemen were occupied. It was just the three of us and a few other vampires who were tagging along. “You made it!” She grinned. “Susumu, you’re human again! You’ll be just fine! The adventure is over!”
Rui purred and snuggled into the hug. “Yes, he did well, but we’re not done.” Her happy expression shifted to a determined one.
“Wh-what?!” I gasped, still being squeezed by Ume-chan. “I got my face back! Your job is done and well! Thank you so much, Rui-chan!”
“Eh? You think so?” Rui asked. “This case isn’t over yet. You’re human, but you don’t have your face.” She shook her head with a smile. “Do you want to leave it at this?” Ume released her tight hug and looked at Rui.
“What can you do about it? Anything?” Ume-chan asked as her eyes flicked in my direction.
“What face do I have now? I destroyed my face, so I can’t go back to how I was. Am I an old man now? Am I more handsome? Was it a child’s face?” I touched my face to try to determine it that way, but I simply couldn’t tell much just based on that. I noticed I had a nose, two ears and eyes and... I poked my fingers into my mouth. I felt my tongue and teeth returned to me.
“Well... it’s going to hurt you a bit to see it..." Rui reached into her purse and removed a makeup compact. She unfolded it slightly. “There’s a mirror inside if you want to see it, but don’t let it break you.”
“Break?” I trembled, extending my hand slowly to take the compact. What could possibly break me further?
Rui shook her head. Ume tilted her head, looking confused. I haltingly lifted the compact and unfolded it. What I saw reflected in that small mirror terrified me. I dropped the compact as my eyes widened.
Ume caught the mirror with supernatural speed before it hit the ground. “Whew... that’s bad luck, Susumu! You don’t need any more of that!” She gently folded up the mirror and handed it to Rui, who sighed.
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I fell to my knees and began to sob uncontrollably. “U... u... Uwaaaaaaaaa!” I screamed loudly.
“I think we need to go somewhere more private,” Ume murmured. She gently placed a hand on my head and gently stroked it as I cried. It made me cry even harder. Before today, I’d never felt the compassion of another human being to comfort me in my pain. Just experiencing this warmth from others made me cry even harder. Ume spoke again, gently, “How about we go to my place again? I’ll call a car for us.”
I looked up at her, my tears pouring out which washed off some of the makeup. “Y-your room is cute, but the shop’s so creepy!” I sobbed.
“Fine then,” Rui announced, “We’ll go to my office. I’ll make you some tea as good as Ume-chan’s. There’s nothing scary there.”
“E-ehhhhh?” I sniffled. “Yours is the worst of all!” I yelled. “That deathtrap is there! I can’t even get up there without going into that creepy elevator!” I yowled.
“I’ll never ride on a train ever again! And I’ll never go into that elevator either! Uwaaaaahhh!” I flopped.
“W-wow... okay... what’s left? A love hotel?” Ume suggested with a toothy grin.
“Ooooooh! That’d be a great idea, but Ume-chan... despite how Susumu looks like, he’s still a guy, isn’t he?” Rui tapped her lips, looking at me slightly puzzled.
“I don’t care!” Ume purred. “He’s so cute I wanna eat him!” She danced a moment and threw her arms around me. “Relax, hon. Cheer up. You’re human again!” She licked my hot tears off my cheeks. I blushed redly, at least that stopped my crying.
“How am I normal? I have a girl’s face! Makeup couldn’t do this! I have a girl’s face!” I yelped. There was something familiar about my face, however. My face was covered by white makeup and mascara which had been applied to a point it looked lavish. It was all so thick I couldn’t tell just what face I’d ended up with, except to know that it was a woman’s face.
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“So what now?” Ume asked Rui while snuggling me against her bosoms. I gasped and had another nosebleed. Her nose quivered and she giggled. “So adorable!”
Rui rolled her eyes. “It’s simple, of course. We are closest to his home. It’s a bit of a dump, but we’ll spend the night there!”
“I..." I stuttered. “I have tea... but it’s just cheap green tea.”
“I’ll prepare it!” Ume smiled brightly towards me. “A sleepover will be delightful. And we can discuss things.” She gazed at Rui. “I want to know more about what’s on your mind.”
Ume produced a cellphone and began to speak into it. “I need a car. Please bring one to..."

Some time later, we arrived at my apartment. I was glad it was pitch dark, because that meant that no neighbors would be poking their noses out of their apartments. Even if they saw me and what apartment I was going into, they would probably just shy away.
I led the way up the stairs. We stopped before my door and I paused to look at them. I bowed low before them. “I’m so sorry for the horrible mess! My apartment... I don’t have much food left and it’s an eyesore. I’ve been so depressed for the last few months, I didn’t take care of anything.”
“That’s fine!” Ume grinned. “Why don’t we fix it up a bit.”
“Uck... I never thought I’d be cleaning some guy’s house for him. I’ll leave that to you,” Rui pouted.
“You should help too. I’ll give you a kiss as a reward.” Ume winked.
Rui perked up immediately. “Okay! It’s a deal!” She extended her hand. They shook hands like they’d completed a business transaction.
There was practically a sweatdrop hovering over my head. “Ah... anyhows, umm..." I moved to the door, and reached to my waist. “OH, CRAP! My fanny pack! My wallet! My cell phone! Keys!” I drummed my fists against my door but I stopped, looking at my neighbor’s doors. I chewed my lip firmly. “Oh, noooooooo!”
Ume laughed aloud. I looked at her with wide eyes and shushed her by pressing a finger over my lips. “They’re sleeping!” I whispered hoarsely. “W-where is my fanny pack? The one I was wearing?”
“Well, as for that... we have it.” Ume grinned. “FANNY PACK!” she yelled loudly. I thought her cry would wake the whole neighborhood. Below, the vampires who had come along for the ride stepped out from the car. One held my fanny pack. He drew his arm back as though he was going to cast it like a fastball. The fanny pack hurled up with a speed I couldn’t believe. Ume intercepted it when it nearly smashed into my face. With one hand she caught it as though it was a slow underhand throw. She winked at me, noting my shock as she deposited it in my hands safely. “My bad. I forgot about your cute little fanny pack. And I’m sorry about your equally cute sentai costume. That was sadly torn into shreds, so we left it in the tunnel.”
“B-but!” I protested, yelping as something occurred. “What about DNA analysis? They’ll investigate and it’ll point fingers directly at me!”
“Oh... good point..." Rui tapped her chin. “I didn’t think about that. I expect it won’t take long before they’ll be knocking on your door... Well, I estimate we have a few days, but ohhhh..."
Ume blushed and knuckled her head. “I’m sowwies! I’m awesome, but I can’t always think of everything!”
I blinked rapidly in desperation. My life was ruined now. I would end up being locked into a cell for a very long time! Maybe becoming a vampire wouldn’t be so bad...


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