“Wow... what happened?” I stopped midway before eating another savory bite of well-marbled meat. My curiosity was stoked by Akuchi’s delicious-looking hamburger steak, my second most favorite dish. It had only a few bites cut off from it so far. After having just that much of it, Akuchi was foaming at the mouth and was still collapsed on her seat. My head tilted in curiosity as I reached across the way with my chopsticks for a taste of her steak.

Rui seized my hand. Her eyes were locked on me with an intensity I hadn’t seen before.

“What’s wrong?” Ume smiled warmly, licking her lips. “I’m shocked he reacted in this way.” She tapped her cheek gently as her eyes turned upwards to the right. “I don’t think any of the ingredients should be poisonous to Tanuki.”

“What did you put in?” Rui asked, rolling her eyes. “If this meal has knocked out Akuchi, then our plan will be put at risk. Playing around and taking unnecessary risks at a crucial moment like this is just plain stupid.” I flushed at that rebuke.

Ume waved her hands with a little blush. “I’m not playing, I swear. Maybe it’s just a trick. Tanuki are infamous for that sort of childish behavior.”

“That’s true.” Rui nodded. With an amazing leap, she cleared the tabletop to land directly onto Akuchi’s prone body. I was amazed that even though she was passed out cold, her form remained female. And yet Akuchi was still foaming at the mouth. Not even a loli stomping on her had stirred her from her foamy slumber.

Rui whistled and bent down to pat Akuchi’s cheek.

The waitress hesitantly approached us and licked her lips nervously. “Uh... um... shall I call for emergency medical assistance? P-please don’t tell me she’ll report us for food poisoning. I mean, it’s her fault... no, it was this strange girl’s fault.” She pointed at Ume. “No one else seems sick, though.” She carefully examined all the vampires in the restaurant for a moment to reassure herself of that. “Some of them are a little pale…” Rui dismissed the waitress with a shake of her head. A puzzled expression painted all across her face as she examined Akuchi’s foamy face.

Ume gave the waitress her toothy-fangy grin. “Oh... don’t worry. I use only herbal ingredients. They’re perfectly suited to supplement a yokai’s health!”

The waitress paled even more at those words. “Y-yokai? W-wait... don’t tell me you’re the ones behind the serial killings?!” She drew away from us in horror.

Ume responded quickly with a smile. “The truth is, we’re responsible! Partially.”

I gaped.

The waitress screamed loudly and bolted for the door. “Kyaaaaaaaaaaa!”

“STOP HER!” Rui finally turned to look over her shoulder. “Ume-chan! Why did you say something stupid like that?” She glared at Ume. Like a flash, the vampires barred the waitress’ way.

“Oh... did I not say what I meant to? I do that sometimes.” Ume’s lips tightened as she considered and blushed. “Sorry!” She clapped her hands together apologetically. “Ah... I meant that we’re actually responsible for catching Noh-face who was responsible for those murders. Is that better?” She beamed again.

As though that’d make us look better!

“It’s true!” Rui exclaimed loudly. “We’re a company of detectives. We found the culprit last night and brought the noh-face to justice... more or less..." She eyed me briefly. “Tell me again why you let it go, Susumu.”

“I never told you!” I yelled. “You never asked why I didn’t end up finishing it off. Why ask now?”

“Why?” Everyone seconded her opinion, except for Akuchi, who was still frothing.

“Um..." I scratched my head and laughed while hiding from their gazes. “I... I don’t know. I was tired... and I thought I was doomed. Then it hit me and gave me a kiss. I just um... shorted out.”

“A kiss?” The waitress blinked.

“Yokai can be incredibly weird.” Rui nodded to herself and shot another glance towards Ume who tilted her head with an overly innocent expression. “Anyone can be dangerous... yokai aren’t the enemy of humanity. The true enemies are avarice, callousness, and other sinful desires,” Rui philosophised. She turned her eyes to Ume with a heavy sigh. “Hmph... what did you give Akuchi to make him pass out?”

Ume smiled broadly. “Well, I saw how hard she was working for us. I wanted to make sure her meal was extra nourishing! I might have overdone it just a little. I’d say if you take the time to force feed her hamburger steak while she sleeps, she’ll be fit for her task tonight!”

Rui grinned broadly. “Oh, force-feeding! This should be fun! Eat your stinky steak, Tanuki.” The expression on her face was terrifying. I returned to enjoying my hotpot. Ume smiled happily while I did my best to ignore the gurgling noises coming from across the table. All that spluttering sounded like people in particularly gruesome death scenes.

“Ehehehehehehe!” Rui cackled.

“Um... have a good night everyone. Even though this was absolutely the strangest night I’ve ever had in my whole life, I had a little bit of fun.” The waitress bowed deeply as she left, holding the large stack of bills Natalia-sama gave us.

I returned the bow sincerely. “Thank you very much for your hospitality! I’m sorry for the trouble!”

“It was very instructive,” the waitress replied with a slight smile.

Rui responded with her own smile. “As long as we all keep our mouths tightly closed about what happened tonight, I think we’ll all be satisfied.” The waitress nodded, getting her point. I laughed softly.

“Let’s go!” Akuchi lifted me and set me on her shoulder. She’d taken on the guise of an enormous Amazonian warrior. I gasped and flailed. She was the one who was collapsed not too long before, and she was treating me like I was passed out.

“If you don’t mind my saying it...” The waitress gazed upwards at us as I was firmly slung over Akuchi’s shoulder. “You’re adorable despite how tall you are. You’re just my type,” she purred.

“Why, thank you!” Akuchi grinned broadly at the waitress. “I’m sorry to say I’m happily taken by this charming individual on my shoulder.” Akuchi patted my backside familiarly as she turned. I kicked and flailed even more wildly.

“Hey, you jerk pervert!” I yelled and kicked her and she was extremely solidly built. Rui shot lasers from her eyes at Akuchi. She held her scroll tightly in her hand and her expression was tense.

“Oh... you’re cute too, in your own way, but I was referring to the lady you put over your shoulder.” The waitress laughed softly. “It’s such a shame... Have a good night. I need to get back to work.” She winked at me. I blushed intensely, hiding my face like I did as a noh-face.

A lady? Their dressing me up actually fooled people? She thinks I’m a woman! Is that my fate from now on? Even if I wear men's clothes and when my chest is flat again, will people address me as a woman? Will I be mistaken as one for the rest of my life? They say this is the age of traps, right? Well, anyhow... this is better than people assuming that I’m a scary yakuza.

Akuchi tramped ahead of everyone. “Put her down!” Rui ground her teeth as she rushed to follow. “I’ll freaking seal you right now!” She waved the scroll threateningly.

The army of vampires followed behind us brave heroes. With our bellies full, we were more or less satisfied, except for the fact that Akuchi insisted on being my means of transportation one way or another.

Soon we reached Natalia-sama’s store again. It was still lit up despite the late hour. I fidgeted as I searched for my phone, but I realized my possessions had been left in Natalia-sama’s workshop. I looked up at the sky to try to tell the time, but the moon itself was no good way to tell it. Speaking of which, it shone brightly in the form of a perfect full orb hanging high up above the world. The moonlight pulsed slightly. We entered the store. I squeaked as my head struck the frame of the door. I hung over behind Akuchi, staring vacantly at the following vampires. They were laughing.

“Akuchi, you aren’t qualified to hold Susumu. I don’t want to carry her myself, but take better care of h-him!” Rui chided Akuchi.

Akuchi giggled with a deeper voice than before, probably for dramatic effect. She was playing the husky Amazonian game well. “My bad. I felt too giddy. I’ll be more careful! I promise!” We went up the series of escalators to approach Natalia-sama’s workshop door.

Rui knocked. “Natalia! Is it ready?”

Natalia-sama answered, “Come and behold Susumu’s gallant costume!” Rui opened the door to reveal Natalia-sama’s workspace again. This time she had a spotlight set up to display her project dramatically, but it was veiled.

COSTUME?! They have another COSTUME to wear? I flopped.