"Is there a map in this place?" I wonder aloud. All the hallways look the same, and there seem to be no end to staircases going in both directions. I think I even saw one going sideways. Maybe the two-tone grey and beige walls are finally starting to get to me. It wouldn't be the first time I've slipped slowly into madness.

"So then I said..." My ears perk up at the sound of rogue voices and I quickly look around me, searching for options. I could go back from where I came, maybe crash through a wall or—"Hey!" Well I guess it's plan c: take out an unlucky guard patrol.

"Listen guys," I say and raise my hands. Fortunately, there are only two, though one of them immediately raises her hand to a small jewel behind her earlobe. Without missing a beat, I sling my kusarigama out.

The weighted chain catches her around her throat, wrapping around like serpent. I yank hard, and the lady tumbles to the ground. Gasping for air, she grabs the chain and pulls hard.

"What the—" My words are cut short as I quickly join her on the ground. That's some dedication. I barely manage to roll out of the way of her companion's spear; Namonai-kebab's aren't nearly as delicious as they sound. I go to stand and she grabs my ankle. I desperately scramble for the other guard's armor, seeking purchase with my fingers. The three of us are all in a tangle of limbs and sharp objects that almost poke in some very personal spaces. A boot connects with my mask in the scramble, and I feel my teeth sink into somebody's skin. One of the guard's cry out, but I can't tell who I'm maiming as I fight for purchase in the pile of bodies.

I gasp for air and throw the male guard off me with as much ferocity as I can muster. "You both," I pant and sucker punch him in the stomach, "take your jobs," I smack my mask into the bridge of his nose and it caves, "way too seriously." I feel something embed itself into my ass and bite back a yelp—mustn't show weakness here. I quickly turn and drop onto the female guard with my elbow, feeling her ribs crack underneath me. Before I fully make it to my feet, her companion tackles me around the waist.

We crash through one of walls and I land on my back. He takes advantage of the air getting forcibly pushed from my lungs and tries to dig his fingers into the slits of my mask. Going for the weak spots there, nice. I mean, still makes you an asshole that has to bite the dust, but still. I can appreciate tenacity when I see it. I gnash my teeth and flail my limbs, squirming my body as much as I can underneath the man. Become one with the noodle! My knee connects with his balls and I shimmy out from underneath him.

I gasp for air and stand, cracking my shin against the man's face. Taking the collar of his uniform in my hand, I grab a piece of wood on the ground and smash it against his head.

"What a waste of great art," I say while trying to catch my breath. I discard the torn painting and look around the room. I catch a glimpse of something shiny, and feel my feet yanked into the air.

My kusarigama nearly slips free from my belt and I grab it before it hits the ground. I swing the blade wildly around, and feel myself lifted higher.

"Look at what a mess you've made," a disapproving voice says. Small shoes slip through discarded papers and carefully navigate overturned desks.

"It wasn't my—" My words are cut off as something constricts my windpipe. Great, more magic. Just what I need.

"Rothsbury, Tekain, Zharn, get the others out." Several frightened individuals in different levels of professional dress—and different stages of pissing themselves—help others scurry past me until the room is clear. There's a sigh from the darkness as more of the person holding me hostage comes into view. One thing's for sure: they have nice legs.

"Mmm, hmphmhmmuph," I say through my invisible bonds.

"Why can't people just keep things in their place? I can't keep working with these coups and power struggles. My doctor told me to relax, and I can't very well do that if you people won't leave me in peace." A slight woman with glasses walks into view. Different points on her body glow with translucent blue energy, but not bright enough to make her wardrobe see-through, unfortunately. What's the point of magic if you don't have a little fun?

"Shmphahummmhm," I say. I think she gets the gist.

"I suppose introductions are in order," she says with a dismissive flick of her wrist. Hopefully, that means I get to live. "My name is Jo-Ri," she says, standing in front of me. "And you are?"

"Look up!" I shout. She tilts her head up, and I take that moment to spit as hard as I can in the gap of her glasses. And just like that, I'm falling onto my face. Now, for the fun part.