“Your highness, what if we were to combine the gambling house, the taverns, the prostitutes, and the markets all into one massive building in every city in the kingdom” said Snaggy on the throne room stage.

“Yes of course all owned and operated by the crown” said the King, adjusting his crown.

“That’s it we've had enough of your vice advice, jester dance!” heckled the Queen as she clapped loudly.

Snaggy began to dance an improvisational dance to loot, flute, and bass before doing several backflips as the drums kicked in. The King and Queen both took shlock from separate servants who had run in with trays. The highest royals in the monarchy were dressed in fancy robes lined with every Ninth crystal attached.

“While you are too busy worrying about your whores, I have located a new location for us to mine out replacements for our crystal stock,” cried the Queen.

“Very well we will set up a council immediately to plan with our generals. Where is this location you have found this new source to attack anyway?”

The Queen crossed her legs in the other direction of the King.

“Not after you screwed that dragon and then the castle Uput. I've already taken care of all the plans myself this time” she said.

“Hmmmf” groaned King Mardin the 4th as he got up and huffed out.

The Capital City streets swarmed with soldiers marching out as sparks flew all over from the crunching blacksmith shops. Trooper transports flew out of the airfield dotting the sky with the might of the human empire.

“Where are my generals, you Bootlickers?” demanded the King.

“In there they gather sire” said the two Bootlickers pointing.

The two fish were standing on the street corner begging for food outside the tavern. Inside the Generals set around blowing fat clouds with the hookah, watching an erotic dance, and slugging down shlock in celebration of successfully having planned out the entire operation, and then helping the queen instructing all the troops on the mission. The King strode in. Noticing him the entire tavern took up the blue salute in respect of his royal presence as Merdin took seat at the highest chair in the VIP section where the generals gathered in the pub.

“So, has everyone gone and planned the mission behind my back now” the King growled before coughing.

He pounded a large fist on the wooden table as the rest seated jumped.

“Waiter brings us all drinks on general Button’s tab” ordered the ruler with a graying beard as he stroked his royal braids with a hand to calm nerves.

General Buttons let out a loud sigh from across the room at the bar where he drank alone. The waiters were already back serving the table with cups full of murky green shlock with pickled lily and frog leg floating in the top for extra flavor and honoring tradition.

“So, my gentlemen do tell your daddy where all the troops have gone?” said Mardin to the top-ranking generals who were all his sons and daughters.

“They have been sent to a dwarf mountain to re-up on cracked crystals' ' said the oldest son at the table, general Ricky the 3rd.

The King's face was red, moistened by fresh sweat and steam was coming out of his ears. He beat the table before throwing his glass at a wall, breaking it. The generals quivered as their king picked up a chair and broke it against the bar in rage.

“You fool, our deal with the dwarfs prohibits us from touching their cracked crystals!” yelled Mardin.

“Father, we have declared war. It is time for the human empire to have the crystals it has long been denied” said Jennifer, 2nd in command.

“Just listen please” pleaded prince Ricky, chasing after the King who again stormed out with his guard one of which took a large keg in his hands blocking the exit.

Mardin the 4th came out the front door walking in front of a marching formation that stopped in place to do the blue salute and let their ruler cross the street. Ricky ran out of the tavern door knocking a begging Bootlicker to the ground and running around the back of the formation of 100 marching soldiers before catching back up.

“With the cracked crystals we will smoke them just like the dwarfs do thus further expanding our already scientific minds instead of its power being wasted on the little brutes” yelled Ricky his hands waving wildly as he ran up to his father.

The King turned and sneered as his lizard blocked the path his forked tongue slurping a threat.

“Sometimes it's good to have some friends, the dwarfs were our longest allies, and now we humans have none. You and your mother have burned the final bridge, the fearless dwarfs might be short, but they fight until their bodies give out. Our kingdom's future is uncertain with this reckless gamble for increased power that will leave a target on our backs for every civilization to attack” said Mardin.

“Go big or go home we will expand this empire until it spans the entire globe, and every crystal is ours” Ricky called back in defiance, his eyes sparkling with greed.

The King entered a gold crown door on the corner with his guard who had been waiting for his return locking it behind them. The prince was left alone stroking his triple chin lost in delusions of grandeur in the middle of the dirty cobble downtown alley.

“Alright soldiers we have now reached our flying altitude. When the light turns green remember your training and remember your mission” yelled the commander on board the aircraft.

“Yeah, yeah we got it” said a few of the knights.

The dropship shook as the troops unlatched their leather seatbelts and did a final adjustment of their armor. One man aimed his arrow-fed crossbow with 12 bolts at the rear plane door that would soon open as another nervously inspected his parachute again.

“I hope I live through this one” he nervously laughed.

“You'll be alright Fred” said his friend and battlefield servant Jed.

The light burning inside the glass changed to green.

“GO! GO! GO!” yelled the commander, waving as the back door lowered by pulley from the cabin.

The bravest and fiercest fighting soldiers jumped out as soon as they heard the order.

“Alright Fred come on let's go before we end up landing in the jungle all alone” yelled Jed needling his master in the shoulder.

Jed ran off, jumping with a front flip as Fred followed behind to the edge of the drop stopping right before in fright. The commander on board walked behind quickly shoving him off into the whistling air. He fell, flailing down as his stomach screamed with butterflies as hundreds of soldiers skydived around, some doing tricks while a few others had prematurely opened their parachutes.

“AAA” screamed Fred as he fell frantically, reaching to find the chord.

He quickly whooshed past two soldiers who were gliding down slowly as the dwarf anti-air cannons began firing from their defensive positions on the mountain. A human drop ship had caught fire, exploding in flames as it went spinning towards the ground below wiping out any soldiers in the path. Fred gritted his teeth as dodged cannonballs before he spotted his servant below him and closed his eyes for a minute. Both men pulled their shoots one after another drifting over an empty field and slamming into the grass. Fred joined another knight who was kissing the ground in celebration of not dying in the air.

“BOOOM!” the other end of the field exploded in a fireball as a dropship crashed down.

The grass and jungle were on fire as soldiers got closer to search for survivors.

Loud engines could be heard as the war machines on the ground came out of the woods on treads. A convoy of a dozen motorized tanks powered by crystal, and 100 armored cars manned with mounted explosive cannons on the tops and donkeys leading the front.

“Let's go boys hop aboard it's time to kill some dwarfs' ' said the commander pulling up.

All the soldiers in the field began hopping aboard the crawling armor, riding it towards war with the dwarfs. Fred and Jed found themselves sitting back next to each other, with fifteen new others as they headed into the thick jungle. Ten men with machetes cleared the path ahead.

“Good thing we found you when we did. You soldiers would have been lost out in the jungle instead of battle where you belong” yelled the commander from inside a slit in the tank all that could be seen was the chinstrap on his face.

“Yippie, can't wait to kill and slaughter” cried Fred quietly.

“Ha, ha, ha you know there are bloodthirsty cannibals waiting out in the jungle, much scarier than any little old dwarfs,” laughed the commander.

“You should be thankful we saved you from certain undignified death. Now soldiers you will seek glory and crystal” he screamed.

“FOR HONOR, FOR CROWN, FOR CRYSTAL” the troops began to chant so loudly covering up the sound of many close explosions.