“OLD!? OLD?! NO! I don’t want to grow old with her! I want to become ancient with her. I want to fall through time watching stars burn out and galaxies die! I want for us to become a fact etched into the fabric of reality itself!” Finally putting words to how I felt and speaking them allowed for the first time.

And how did Cane respond? “That was a little strong wasn’t it?”

My face felt hot from embarrassment “Yeah, I heard it come out of my mouth and thought it was way too much.”

I don’t know if it was Cane’s solitary lifestyle that made him so blunt, but it was what I needed. Despite his nature, he was always willing to listen and help; especially when things went south. Today I came for advice…This may have been a mistake.

Cane was an interesting person and oddly his appearance perfectly matches his personality: Tall, sturdy, with a big brown beard, and not afraid to show his age looking to be in his mid-forties. He could be seen wearing his leather foresting gear at any given time.

All my resolve I had been building up, just drained out of me making me feel deflated. It’s weird how a single sentence from Cane could always do this to me. Oddly enough this was why I came to him. He helped me see with clear eyes.

“Ok I know your right, but it’s just so frustrating.” I was trying to gather my thoughts, as I sat down. I needed to explain this in a way that made sense, but every time I tried to put it to words it felt like everything was jumbled.

I felt a hand squeeze my shoulder reassuringly. “Look, you’re young, and so is she. None of us even know who we are when we are that young.”

In my head I knew he was right, but my heart couldn’t accept it. My voice came out in a soft whisper. “But why can’t we figure it out together?”

Cane knelt down beside me, looking into my eyes. “You know why.”

‘How can I make him understand?’ Shrugging Cane off, I began pacing around the room putting my mixed-up mind in order. “I’ve known her for years and I just want to let her know how I feel before she goes.” *Smack* Cane hit me! He’s never hit me! Rubbing the spot I was hit. “Why?” When I looked back at cane what I saw surprised me.

The patient man was gone replaced by an overbearing angry version I had never seen before. It felt as though the room had gotten darker. This was the first time I had ever truly felt afraid of Cane. ‘What did I say?’

“That is the most selfish thing you could ever do!” His words made me take a step back. “You don’t do that to someone before they leave, especially with no way to do anything with it! Blight man, maybe once you say it to her you’ll change your mind?” ‘Change my mind? Why would this change my mind? Cane wasn’t making sense. “Maybe you’ve been keeping it pent up for so long that once you let it out, you’ll be able to stop fixating on it! Actually think!” He was looking directly into my eyes now. His eyes were so intense the glowed slightly. Cane straightened softening his tone. “You’re defining yourself by the way you’re pining over her.” His word had a ring of truth in them that I felt deep in my soul but how could he know me better than me?

I was starting to get angry from embarrassment. I had to speak up but… the words seemed to fall in a jumbled. “Well…Maybe…But we’ve been friends forever.”

Cane’s response was quick and clipped. “And in all that time, has she said anything? Done anything? Has she snuck glances at you from across the room when no one is looking? Lingered a little too long when she gave you a hug? Tried to make excuses to be alone with you?” Looking back his hard stare met me once more. “Well?” Cane asked.

Suddenly I developed a great interest in my shoes. My mind went to all those times it was just us or when we were in the same room. Sneaking glances, lingering hugs they were all there. My heart warmed as my confidence began increasing. “Well….”

Cane interrupted; shattering that new-found confidence with a single question. “That you didn’t initiate first?”

Falling silent. My mind fell back to those occasions as I realized that all those things were there. All the lingering hugs. Those secret glances…only they were never initiated by her, but by me. This revelation came as a shock to my heart. I felt as though the wind was punched out of me.

Cane must have seen something in my face. His eyes seemed to soften. “Look, I know it’s hard. It’s frustrating, and it’s confusing; especially since you both are leaving.” That’s what started this all. All of us leaving. I just didn’t want to be afraid to speak. Never knowing what could have been but now I… I don’t know.

Cane seemed to be able to see the hurt I was feeling as he consoled. “Look, you’re young. You’re confused. Everything is changing around you, so you’re throwing anything at it to see if it will stick.”

At some point I had sat back down with my head in my hands. Feeling defeated I asked “But what is love then?”

“Love….” Canes voice seemed to come from a distance. A change came over him at my question. When I looked up the previous anger was gone, replaced with a small smile. I had never seen such a distant look on Cane’s face. The smile made him seem almost like a different person, not jaded by the world. “Love... You want to know what love is...” Cane chuckled slightly, as though lost in a memory. “Love is everything we spoke about, and yet… none of it.”

‘How can it be both?’

“Love O’ love. I bet you’ve heard these words before. Love is a many splendid thing. Love is eternal. Love is everlasting. Love is pain. Love is simple. Love is hard. Love is complicated. Love is easy. Love is passion. Love is…. Love is.” Cane was rambling but I could feel something in each word he spoke. Something from long ago colored his word. He stopped his pacing as the distant look in his eyes began to fade “Well?”

His question caught me off guard. “Well what?”

“Have you ever wondered why no one can truly give you an answer?”

“No.” It was the truth this idea had never even crossed my mind.

“Always fragmented in their explanation. No one ever seems to give you the same answer. Have you ever wondered this?”

I had never noticed that no one was able to give a real explanation.

“I can see by the look on your face, that this has never even crossed your mind, like so many others.” Cane’s hands moved over all his trinkets from all his adventures. He stopped for a moment when he came to a small wooden box that was plain with no adornments. Something crossed his face but it faded too quickly to place before he continued. “Love is very complicated. It is the fire that burns slowly growing, breathing, and living. It is the pain you feel when they are away and the rush you feel when they return. It is their pain you feel when they are hurt, and the joy you feel when they smile. It is the grand storm within you bringing you to chaos and anger. In the eye of that storm bringing you piece and serenity. Love is the dim light that you never noticed until it is gone. It is the grand fire of passion burning so bright it may burn out. It brings peace, chaos, war, and greed. It is what compels you to do the things you enjoy. Love is so very complicated. It is that little twinkle in your eye. It is the slightest smile you unknowingly give to man or woman. It is what’s in all hearts even those filled with hate. For hate is just another form of love, terrible, but still a form of love. It is all these things and so…SO…SO much more. Love is different for everyone and many people experience love in more than one way. That is why when one love is gone a new love can never be the same but….” Placing his hand back on the wooden box Cane smiled “… It is not necessarily weaker…nor stronger but it can be. It may be different but oh how it can be so brilliant.” Taking his eyes away from the box he turned back towards me. “Love is very complicated, love is different, love can be all of these things, and love may be one or even none of these things. Love is a contradiction. Love is simple. So what is love? My answer to your question is this……” Cane had a gently smile as he finished “Love is.”

I found myself speaking before I could think it through “Then how do you know if I am not in love?”

“I don’t but it is up to you to really figure it out.”

I was so lost. “What should I do?”

In in that smug way Cane does “That my dear boy is something only you can figure out. Just make sure it’s what you want, and be prepared for the consequences.”