“I really don’t want this job you know,” said Jake.

“I know,” replied Green_Turtle_Boy_369, “but when my Dad has his mind set on something there’s no changing it.”

“But doesn’t he realise that I don’t want this war either, and even if I did, I definitely wouldn’t want you to win?”

“I suppose that is a sticking point,” agreed Green_Turtle_Boy_369. “For you, obviously. I can’t see you being any good at this so even if you did want to be a traitor, a mole in our midst, you wouldn’t be able to.”

“Yeah, that’s true, I am rubbish at everything, and my self-proclaimed exclusion from society definitely prohibits me from being an effective mole.”

“You are good at one thing though, Jake. Shooting zombie rabbits.”

“I suppose…”

“And shooting zombie rabbits is a form of war, isn’t it?” prompted Green_Turtle_Boy_369 seeing the potential to instil some enthusiasm into Jake somehow. If there was anything in life that Jake enjoyed, it was shooting zombie rabbits.

“Not really, it’s a computer game.”

“But a computer game based on war tactics. Which you know inside out. I think you could be really good at this.”

“But I don’t want to…” Jake whined.

“Follow me,” replied Green_Turtle_Boy_369, we’re going to work.

Jake trudged despondently behind Green_Turtle_Boy_369, along the corridors of the Tower of Power. Finally, they reached a large security cordon which separated the secure part of the Crawkling palace from the extra secure part.

“Who are you?” asked the security guard.

“I’m Green_Turtle_Boy_369, Prince of Crawk. Who are you?”

“I’m Sbrelba,” replied the guard. “Sorry, it’s my first day.”

“I don’t believe you,” replied Green_Turtle_Boy_369. He took a large stick out of his pocket and began to beat Sbrelba about the head with it.

“I give in! I give in!” cried the guard, cowering pathetically on the floor.

Green_Turtle_Boy_369 gave him one last kick, opened the door and ushered Jake in.

A voluptuous lady looked at Jake and made a criss-cross movement across her chest, similar to that the Grand-Zombie-Master had made.

“We need more security Leina,” said Green_Turtle_Boy_369. “That one was rubbish.” She wobbled off to make a few enquiries.

“She’s fabulous isn’t she?” said Green_Turtle_Boy_369. “Look at that bottom.” Jake ignored it, this was not a conversation he was ever going to be comfortable with.

“What was that?” asked Jake.

“That was the fantastic Leina, our receptionist.”

“No…. that criss-cross thing. Lots of people have suddenly started doing it.”

“Ahhh… yeah. That’s your greeting I suppose,” said Green_Turtle_Boy_369. “Now that you are the Crawk-King people will make that sign at you. You are important, I suppose it’s like worship.” Before Jake could start moaning, Green_Turtle_Boy_369 continued.

“Right, we need to get you checked in,” he said and motioned that Jake follow him to a desk the other side of the room. He grabbed a large pile of forms out of a drawer and sat Jake down. “You may be becoming the boss of everybody in this office, but you still need to fill in the paperwork.”

“What if I don’t?” said Jake. “I won’t be able to do the job will I?”

“I’ll do it for you – and you don’t want me to do that,” he replied.

“I don’t care,” said Jake.

“You should. Look at the first page.”

Jake glanced down and was surprised at the nature of many of the questions. Do you like having sexual relations with your co-workers? On a scale of 1 – 10, how traitorous are you? How many hours overtime do you think is normal in a job?

“Ok, I’d best do it myself,” he declared, seeing that Green_Turtle_Boy_369 could drop him into all kinds of trouble. But then a thought crossed his mind.

“Maybe that’s a good thing. If I make myself completely unsuitable for this job then maybe I won’t be allowed to do it?!”

Jake set about a task with determination for the first time in years. If he was to avoid getting a job and be able to go and hide back in his quarters all day long he had to nail this.