《Aliens.exe》Chapter 51 - Jake Finally Dies
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“Mom?” says Jake, out loud.
He looked around, a little embarrassed, but no-one has noticed. Obviously, he thought. He is sitting in his own office but there are still lots more people around than he is used to.
“Hi,” he types to Empress_of_Dominion, his Mom’s character on the game Lapine Death Corps. Jake can’t help but keep looking around, shiftily. He is talking to his Mom, who was in the Outer Galaxies, and he is the War Leader for the opposition. He could get in a lot of trouble for this.
“Jake! You’re there!”
“I am,” Jake replies.
“Are you alright? Are they torturing you?”
“No. I’m fine. They bring me all the food I want, and I’ve got the best paid job in the whole world. Why are you on here?”
“You know why,” replied Rosemary. “The whole world thinks that you are a war criminal and wants you dead, and I’m coming to rescue you.”
Silence.
“Jake? You still there?”
Jake had lost concentration on the conversation. He had been ambushed by a huge gang of zombie rabbits and he was doing all he could to fend them off.
“Yeah. Sorry. I was… working.”
“We heard about your job. It’s a brilliant idea. You can give the Outer Galaxies lots of inside information so that we can win the war! And it will make it a lot easier for us to rescue you!”
“Rescue me?”
“Yes I’m on my way now Jakey. I’m gonna take you home.”
“But everyone at home wants me dead!” Jake pounded his fist against the desk. He hated it when his Mom decided what was best for him.
Green_Turtle_Boy_369 popped his head around the door.
“BRB,” Jake typed hurriedly.
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“Everything ok Jake? I heard banging?” He stepped inside and Jake saw him signing out the Crawk-King greeting, criss-crossing his chest and waving his hand around a bit.
“Yes.. err sorry,” Jake struggled for something to say. He needed to get rid of Green_Turtle_Boy_369, he really didn’t want to have to explain this conversation. “I’m just having a bit of a hard battle. Sign in and help me out. You know, like the old times!”
“I can’t, I’m supposed to be working.”
“Green_Turtle_Boy_369, I’m your boss. It’s an order.”
Green_Turtle_Boy_369 shook his head and walked out. He wasn’t going to sign in, but he was going to teach Jake a little lesson. What Jake had failed to realise so far was that he was working in Crawk. He should have realised from the successful completion of his application form that all Crawkling workplaces were chaos, and nobody really had respect for their boss, even if they were the Crawk-King.
“BRB?” asked Rosemary. “What’s happened? Is someone strangling you?”
Silence.
“…”
“Jake? Answer me!”
“…”
“…”
“What's going on? You're scaring me.”
“I’m back,” typed Jake.
“Where have you been? Are you ok? Don't you ever do that to me again.”
“I told you I'd be back. BRB. Be Right Back.”
“No you didn't. BRB isn’t even a word and I know how you hate bad spelling. I thought you must be under attack.”
“...” Jake didn't know what to say. It was conversations like this that meant he didn't communicate with other humans unless he had to.
“Anyway, we’re on the way to Crawk and I’ll let you know our ETA when we’re closer. Jakey, you need to get in touch with Eric Smythe of FOG. You can tell him everything you know about the Crawkling invasion plans.”
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“The weather people? Why do they want to know?”
“Trust me Jakey. And take care. I’ve gotta go now, this typing is really hurting my arthritic fingers.”
“Ok. Bye. Empress_of_Dominion.”
“Bye Jakey. Mom xxx.”
Empress_Of_Dominion disappeared from the screen just in time for Jake to see a blood-stained rabbit leap right at his face.
“NOOOOOOOO!” he screamed as his life source drained instantly. It was the first time he had been killed in over three years.
“I knew there was a reason I didn’t speak to that stupid bloody woman,” he muttered as the cursor wobbled over a button at the top of the screen.
‘Are you sure you would like to block all messages from Empress_Of_Dominion? This action cannot be reversed’ said the dialog box.
“Yes,” he snapped as he clicked the mouse.
‘Empress_Of_Dominion blocked’ confirmed the screen.
Jake stood up, kicked his chair into the wall, curled up under his desk and cried.
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