Bob smiles as he hears explosions in the distance. When he became a kobold tinkerer his love for shiny was replaced by a new love. The love for good booms. Since evolving he has dedicated himself to making the good boomies. This obsessive drive has led to the rapid advancement in chantless fire magic. CFM as he called it. He had shown Anon the clay put CFM Grenade, but it was after that that he had the idea of putting them in the ground. He used flint and steel inside the powder. When something stepped on them hard enough the flint hit the steel and sparks flew onto the powder. Made good boom. They didn’t always go off, Bob chose to compensate for this by making excessive amounts of them. Then yap said “Metal stronger than clay.” Which inspired Bob to coat them in metal. They had created the medieval version of a mine. After the attack from the temple he had to replenish them at the entrance, but why stop there? He had promised cool weapons to a few idle kobolds in exchange for helping him seed the entire mountain and forest. Only one kobold was hurt in planting these highly dangerous traps. F for him, but his sacrifice was worthy. Of course they normally pose no risk to kobolds. All kobolds are good with traps. They spot them easily, but there are also safe paths marked in shiny rocks. Kobolds always follow shiny rocks.

Bob smiled as another explosion was heard. This would be fun to watch. He left his forge and went to the cave mouth. There was a much smaller group of soldiers pushing their way through the forest. He could see their blue plumes through the treetops. Another explosion went off. They were still on the outer ring. This gave Bob a wicked idea. From atop the mountain he could see their location and how they were going to advance. Why not break out a Gooder Dragonkiller?

He called Yip and Yap over. They yipped and yapped as they came running. “Help Bob roll out the Gooder DragonKillers.”

“Why?” They both asked. An explosion in the distance drew all of their attention. Bob just pointed to it “That why.”

Yip and yap began freaking out. They were under attack again! This could be bad. “Must tell Anon. Yip!” Yip began to run into the cave for Anon’s message crystal, but Bob pulled him back by his tail. “Only…” Bob counted the blue plooms. First starting on his hand. Filling up his three talons on each hand quickly then counting his toes. Then his tail. “Like twice of twelve. Easy. show dragon lord Anon we strong.” Bob didn’t know the knight’s exact route, but between them and the cave entrance was about fifty times more than twelve land mines. Yip and Yap shrugged. They began loading the ballistas and attaching the explosive payloads to the spears. They aimed them and sent them flying towards the baron’s men.

Bob cackled as the explosions hit, blowing back trees and men with them. Yip and Yap rejoiced with him. It was a good time to be a kobold.

“Is this all of them?”

“The air tribe has imprisoned our messenger.”

I sigh. Really, this shit? “Where are they located?”

“Two miles east, high in the tree canopy.” I nod and then take to the skies.

I fly swiftly to the airdweller’s home land. I can tell that I’ve reached the airdwellers home when they send arrows at me. They bounce off my dragon scales. I swoop down and grab a random guard. He’s another owl human. I hold him in my fist and apply the slightest bit of pressure. “Tell me where your leader is.”

“I’ll never betray my queen!” I tighten the screws on him, grasping harder on him until I can hear bones crack.

“Last chance. Tell me where your leader is.”

He’s just screaming. I release my grip and the screaming stops. “Tell me!” I shout at him, but he shakes his head. I place him atop a tree. Another arrow hits my side and I dart in the direction it was fired from. The guard tries to fly away, but I grab him. I give him the same treatment, but torturing the guards is proving pointless. I have no other options though. This cycle repeats until a shrill voice screams. “Enough!” I turn to look. There is a small woman. A fully grown woman, just half sized. She appears to be floating in the air but in actuality her wings are beating too fast to be seen. Short feathers cover her inner body like a leotard. “You’re looking for me.”

“Are you their leader?”

“Yes.”

“Come with me, I am ending your war.”

“No, once Kan gets back with the sacred weapon he will conquer you! You brutish dragon.”

“Kan? You didn’t attend the meeting because you put all your hope in Kan? Do I need to kill him? He’s in a cage at the meeting. I can just fucking do it if you don’t attend. Don’t test me.”

This changes the hummingbird’s tune. “You can’t kill Kan, he is the father of a generation.”

“Then come to the meeting.” This is stupid.

I sit down. The humming bird takes the seat closest to Kan. I immediately do not like that. I pick up his cage and set it on the other side of me. The stumps are full of demihumans. Much more than three to represent the main tribes. I cut to the point. “Alright, who is at war?”

“The tree dwellers attacked our canopy after we acquired their Chosen.” The hummingbird states smugly.

“Stupid reason to attack anything. Why did you steal their Chosen?”

“Because they stole ours.”

“How so?”

“They seduced him with their fluffy tails.” The humminbird woman states without any irony.

“So you gave him the arrow of lust and all but forced him into a relationship with almost all of your females. I got it.”

“We just want them to stop fighting.” A turtle person says.

“So you took a roll in the war to chop down our trees!” The Sloth asks.

“You two can’t make war if you don’t have homes. Plus all the bodies that fall to the ground, they fall on us.” The turtle's logic was amicable. I was beginning to appreciate the cold cut quickest options.

The other tribes voiced their concerns. The planes had become a place of battle. It was risky to travel out of the swamps. Corpses were being disposed of in water tribe waters. Reasonable concerns.

“Let’s put it to a vote. Who wants the war to end, raise your hands.”

The planes, water, and swamp all voted for ending the war. The air, tree, and ground voted not to. I look into the turtle’s eyes. “Why? your people only suffer from continuing this war.”

“Once we get our Chosen the ground tribe will rise up with our sacred weapon and reclaim the forest for it’s rightful owners!”

“You’re not getting one. They have already been summoned. There isn’t a second wave.”

“They have to come! And when they do they will destroy you, dragon!”

I’m kinda getting tired of being insulted with my race. “Fuck it man.” I’ll throw him a bone. “I’m your chosen. Give me your quiver.”

“That’s not possible, dragon!”

“Did you bring it with you?”

He shakes his head. I place the tip of my claw on each side of his head. “I specifically told you to bring your sacred weapons. That went for all of you.” I eye each member of the meeting as I slowly apply pressure to the turtles head until he starts to make pitiful noises. I release him and he quickly recovers. “This is tyranny!” I look at him. This isn’t tyranny, this is ending a war. I’m doing a good thing right now. I am being heroic, but on the other hand. “Yes it is. You will hand the weapon over to me or your people will suffer more than any silly war could cause.” The swamp leader stands up. A crocodile as tall as two men and half as wide. He takes a knee in front of me and produces his tribe's sacred artifact. It’s a white set of scales. “The scales of Nemesis.”

“What do they do?”

“While you’re holding them any attack that hits you the pain is reflected to the attacked.”

“Just the pain? Not a wound.” He nods. These are situationally useful, but who would trade a free hand for only reversing pain. I reach out to grab them but am stopped. I hear the twack of a bow string. In a second I feel the pain as I instinctively close my right eye. I have been shot in the eye by an arrow. I rip it out with my claws and cast healing magic on myself. The wound heals instantly. I keep my eyes closed. “I’m going to open my eyes. Whoever shot that arrow should surrender before I do.” I offermercy to my attacker then open my eyes. There is no one surrendering to me. Which means the fight is still on. I inspect the hell out of the area where I was attacked from, but my chance offering of mercy gave them enough time to relocate. Another arrow flies. This time being embedded in my other eye. I fight through the pain to keep my eyes open as I inspect the area. A UI pops up. I clear the arrow and read his stats.

Jack Twink

Level 30/80

Race: Sparrowman Class: Villager, hunter, archer, nurse, playboy, scout

Skills: Archery(Master) Tittles: Chosen

I know him. He’s the twink I fucked a week before getting summoned to this world. “I know you. We had sex.” He was always closseted about it back home because he had very strict christan parents. It would seem not much has changed now. When I open my eyes again he is in the middle of the group of leaders. He has his ivory bow lowered. “I would never have sex with man. This dragon is lieing. I bet he’s not even Anon.” He turns towards me. I can see his eyes scanning my stats. “Okay so he is Anon. The man who I aledgedy had sex with before getting summoned here, but it’s all lies I tell you. Boys are gross. I would never even kiss one. Ask anyone in the tree dweller tribe. I have fucked at least five girls.”

The tribe leaders are now all very confused. He is desperately trying to plea with them that he is straight but their faces look akin to when I tried telling Bob about workplace safety. They just don’t understand why it matters. I take advantage of the confusion and slide the very tiniest tip of my claws up behind him. I place them in between the bow and it’s string and pull it swiftly from his hands. Yoink. He looks at me “Heeey! You can’t do that!”

“No one cares if you’re gay, bi, or whatever. Right?” I eye the members of the tribes. Be it that they actuall hold no homophobic belives or that they just want to please me. They nod. The crocodile adds “If you’re topping then it is a sign of manliness. Nothing against bottoms though.” I give a sly look to Jack as he blushes. “This is a world without your parents. Now sit down so we can end this war.” I place the bow underneath my massive body, along with the scales of Nemesis.

“Now where were we.” I recall the conversation up until I got shot in the eye, then a bit farther back. “Oh yes. Tree and air dwellers. Are your reasons for continuing the war as asinine as the ground dwellers?”

“Our reasons are noble!”

“We can’t just end the war now, then all this blood was shed for nothing!”

They both voice their complaints which prove that their reasons were actually asinine. “Now that I’ve heard all sides of the story. I will cast my vote.”

“Hey! You’re the impartial observer not a tribe leader. You don’t get a vote.” The hummingbird speaks up. “I can destroy your entire forest or at the very least keep killing leaders until one who supports me takes power.” That shut her up. I am showing great restraint in solving this diplomatically. This is just a loose end I need tied up before fighting the humans. I don’t want to fight a war on both sides. I want to do this like a hero and not like a monster. I will make them diplomatically decide to not be at war anymore.

“That settles it. War over. No more war or I’ll be back. Don’t think I won’t know if you make war. No cold war bullshit either. Just live together in peace or I will burn the forest and salt the ground.”

I smiled, the lesser tribes smiled back at me, but the greater tribes only scowled. Except for the hummingbird. She had a sad look in her eye. “Will you let Kan go.” I rubbed my chin. Why is she sad? I just ended a bloody war. “You’re correct!” Idle threats aren’t enough to keep them in line. I need to have leverage. They are half human after all. They will betray me as soon as they can unless I have something to stop them. “You two love your damn Chosen. I will be holding onto them as collateral for you to not make war. Once you have proved to me that you’re peaceful you can have them back.” Jack looks at me with large eyes. He begins to flap his sparrow wings, but I grab him. Throwing him in the cage next to Kan. I then turn to the turtle. “I want that quiver. Deliver it to me in under a week.” Then I take to the skies. Having acquired two sacred artifacts and one captive.