If you’re reading this. Not cool Dude! Or Dudette. Hashtag Resist. Seriously though, it’s not nice to read other people's diaries. Yes, it's a diary, kind of. The only men who call their diaries journals have an issue with their own masculinity I think.

Well, I guess I can’t be too angry, considering if this is in anyone else’s hands I’m probably dead. Or I lost it. I lose stuff a lot.

Since you’re here, regardless of the reason, I guess I’ll tell my story, such as it is. I know, why tell my story when I could tell you about the Fall of Killianor, or the story of when Micha the Bold banded together with his underdog group of misfits to destroy the Pallantine Regime. Hell, even the tale of Tulsa and Gran’s star crossed love affair would probably be better. If you don’t think so after finishing this you more than likely have poor taste. Weird taste, at any rate.

BUT.

My old therapist used to talk about how great diaries can be in processing the craziness of life. They weren’t wrong. I never told them about it but I did several months worth of dedicated writing after our first session, and it really did help me process my breakup, my job loss, the deaths in my family. To a very surprising degree. Especially when I posed it as a narrative instead of speaking to myself like I'm crazy. I do that enough out loud as is.

This isn’t about any of those situations above, though some may be referenced. No, this is a story about my travels outside of the bounds of what I knew as reality. Considering the fantastical nature my life has become, it’s written like one as well. That and because it still doesn’t feel like I could ever have been this lucky. It’s about beings who call themselves gods, those that abstain from that title, and my journey to reach the peak they all inhabit, while taking my time and enjoying life in what could only be called a fantasy world. Realm, sorry. They’re called Realms.

Anyhoo, it all started one day after I almost died, then I did die. Twice.. err, once? I’m honestly still not sure. You know what? Let me start over.

December 2020, currently located on Earth:

A bullet rang through the air, missing doming me by a few millimeters at most. The shock of a flashbang rang in my ears, and it’s screaming whiteness blinded my eyes. Out of reflex, and a low hope that I would make it out of the precarious situation I was in alive, I blindly fired from my lmg, spraying lead from side to side as I backed up the stairs I had just descended. The air quieted as I ran out of ammo, just as the effects of the grenade went away. I saw two bodies before me, and was trying to calm my beating heart to take stock of the situation. They were the only two I had seen when I had burst through the door, and I heaved a sigh of relief when neither moved. It was a short-lived reprieve, however. Just as I turned to go back the way I had come, I heard very faint footsteps, and turned just in time for a knife to sink into my throat before I began to watch my killer loot my body and move on while trash talking me in a squeaky voice.

“He’s a fucking kid!” I screamed as loudly as I could without waking my neighbors, throwing my controller with carefully aimed anger into the couch across my living room, the spectating screen still playing in the background of my favorite BR game. I realized the guy must have been camping on the roof, and creeped up on me while I was trying to plate up after the firefight. No armor meant a one shot kill, of course. I was pissed, but objectively it was a damn good play on their end. None of that helped me, though, and I continued to curse, albeit quietly, blaming everything from cheaters to console disadvantages to a shitty server connection.

From my headset came the rumblings of my current and long time brother-in-arm CaydeKiller67, breaking from my anger induced reverie.“Hey, we playing another or are we just gonna watch elmo here get a dub while you rant like Joseph Seed?”

I know what you’re thinking, but I’ve always been too scared to ask why it’s not 69. If you knew the guy as well as I did—which was quite a bit considering we’d played together hours almost everyday for years—you would also hold your tongue, lest you find even your most innocuous statements somehow made into innuendo.

“Eh.. I'm off, I think. I’m too tilted right now. I used to only get wrecked by korean kids. Now it’s all of ‘em.”

“Alright bro, no worries. Smoke a dub since we couldn’t get one, chill out and watch some Tiny Creatures or something. I gotta head to work anyway.”

I snorted “Shoveling shit, you mean”

“Hey! At least I have a job, unlike some people.”

“Not my fault that the world’s gone crazy and no one wants to stay at hotels right now. Can you believe they tried to get me to start working third shift, and just fired me when I said no?”

“Uhh.. yeah. Maybe not the first time you told me, but this is what? 23, 24?”

“Eh, whatever. Have a good one Cayde. I hear a bowl singing my name”

“Cheers, dude.” A blurb hit my headset, and my only friend—Sad, right?—left our party. I took his advice, and after a minute of fumbling and sticky fingers I had a nice pick me up ready to be lit and to get me the same.

Right before I was able to bring the spark to my life once again, I happened to see a certain tabby lounging precariously on the old rusty railing separating my excuse for a balcony from the wider world. I know I said I only had one friend, and it wasn’t a lie. Purrcy was more like a growth I could never find the nerve to cut off. The kind you like to show off to other people because of how bad it is.

He seemed ok being completely passed out on something less than a quarter of his ample width but I didn’t trust the old building and the poor construction that went into my crappy complex. I could have afforded better, as when I had been laid off from my customer service job when the world went to covid-flavored shit I had pulled unemployment for a bit, and when they finally let me go a few months later I managed to snag 3 yrs severance. Admittedly I had worked there for almost 20 years - it was basically my only job since I graduated high school - and instead of keeping my job I lost out to some idiots they could pay way less per hour, leaving me with just a few years of checks not even half what I would have made otherwise.

But yeah, I took the place covered in mold and probably riddled with asbestos, mostly so I’d have enough to buy a good pc build instead of the consoles that had just come out and a steady stash piled up. The state I lived in had finally legalized cannabis, but it was still illegal to grow, for whatever reason. Those, admittedly selfish, reasons left my adopted gremlin precariously perching on a trap just waiting to go off.

I hurried to their sleeping form but trying to open the sliding door it halted with only a gap of a few inches opening before it caught on a limb from the trees that never seemed to be trimmed. Okay, I know I just cleaned this before I started playing, this is ridiculous. Cursing the absent groundskeepers I pulled as hard as my sedentary muscles would allow, breaking the twig that had lodged on the rail and slamming the door wide with the unintended, and in hindsight only unintended by me,consequence of startling Purrcy awake.

The metal broke loose from its weak mooring in slow motion. My arms reached out as adrenaline instantly pumped through me, seeming to move as if through honey, and I knew I wasn’t going to make it before Purrcy fell. I know what you’re thinking, cats land on their feet, right? Well, we were unfortunately five floors up and he was old. Like old, old. Even if he did land feet first I didn’t foresee him making it through.

Only inches away from having the startled feline in my shaky grasp things took a 180. Lucky for Purrcy, and in some ways lucky for me, but at the time it was the worst possible thing that could have happened. Purrcy managed a feat he might not have been able to have pulled off in his prime, bounding directly to me right as the rusted bars fell away. I was surprised and elated at first, but things went south as he met my face instead of my arms, vaulting over me like I was nothing more than a vent on a rooftop and he was Ryan Doyle.

The small impact caused me to spin around until I was facing in towards my living room where he was now sitting safe in my chair, grooming his paw. I was not safe, with less than half of each foot on the balcony, and pinwheeling my arms like crazy to gain some traction. Alas, it was all for naught, and I took a quick drop for what I was sure would be a short and rather bloody stop.

I held my eyes shut tight, and tried not to spin hoping if I just ignored the problem, like a good American, it would go away. Surprisingly, it actually worked. The fall.. Never ended. I was afraid to open my eyes and find my adrenaline had just never worn off and the parking lot outside was inches away. Now that I think of it, things seemed wayyy slower than times ever flowed for me. After taking a minute to try and compose myself, and failing miserably, I at least gained enough thought process to realize something was off. Even if I had died, unless things were different than any idea of death I’d read, there was oddly no loss of continuity.

I worked up the nerve to pry my lids apart, and sure enough while I still had a sense of motion, there was nothing but black above me. I spun around, swinging my arms to take a wingsuit-like position, and looked what felt like down. Far below me, though I had no point of reference, a light was shining a bright and welcoming light. Over the course of a minute it grew larger until it swallowed my vision completely, and with it came peace like I had never known even with the best of buds. My worries sloughed off my addled brain and I knew that everything was going to be ok. Alarm bells rang in my subconscious but were unable to break through whatever was fogging my conscious mind.

Just as I was about to drift off into happy slumber a voice resounded around and through me, like a concert speaker in a small room, shaking my bones.

| HELLO LITTLE SOUL. I AM THE CREATOR OF YOUR WORLD, THE GIVER OF LIFE. MY NAME IS MORAH. WELCOME TO MY DOMAIN.

I cringed and my ears felt like they were bleeding but my attention was held by the ridiculous and also terrifying being that appeared in front of me with their words. Standing nearly twice my size and built like a shit brickhouse barely contained within a white toga, they exuded what appeared to be the cause for the light arounds us. It was incredibly difficult to look through, causing my eyes to water and forcing me to squint, but Imanaged to see a weird mashup of Zeus and the Christian God. Fuck me, I should have gone to church more.

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts and praying who or whatever was before me wasn’t going to send me to a fiery eternity. My fears were allayed when their mountain breaking voice spoke again, while their lips stayed still, as if the words were emanating from their body like a bone induction microphone.

| I AM SURE THERE ARE A LOT OF QUESTIONS GOING THROUGH YOUR MORTAL MIND. i WOULD BE HAPPY TO DISPEL THEM FOR YOU. HERE, YOU— AH. I SEE YOU ARE HAVING ISSUES WITH THE FULL MIGHT OF MY ORATION.

The bliss I was experiencing started fading as my ears began to bleed from the shaking my body was undergoing with every word. As it did the light dimmed until I could see without looking like Gilbert Gottfried. My hearing unfortunately did the opposite and only got worse, but by that point the voice was tolerable when it continued.

| My apologies youngling. When you deal with immortal existences every day you tend to forget your effect on the lowly.

God this guy’s a dick.

| I can hear your thoughts, you know.

My eyes widened as I realized I had made a huge mistake, but they simply started to laugh. As they were bent over and, like a goddamn cartoon, slapping their knees the last little bit of intoxicating bliss disappeared and with it my thoughts returned to normal.

| Ah, that one never gets old. I can’t hear your thoughts. Well, I could.. But I’ve yet to meet someone of your stature with anything interesting going on in there. Hearing thoughts of my glory gets a little boring after awhile.

All the flags that had dinged came flowing back, and I struggled to keep my thoughts in line. The biblical figure finished with their slapstick laugh, even going as far as to wipe a tear from their eye, before waving a hand towards me. My wounds instantly healed and I could not help but think on why, if they had the ability to heal me, I was ever hurt to begin with.

| You’re probably wondering why you are here, and it is simple. You sacrificed your life to save that of one you love and due to your heroics I have decided to let you become my champion instead of daing into the void.

Yeah, no. Were you even watching? That little pest sacrificed ME, I thought. I didn’t say it loud of course, that would have been more idiotic than my usual brand of stupidity. Instead, I asked something a little more neutral “Thank you. Can I ask what happened? One second I was falling towards the ground and when I opened my eyes I was floating towards a light. Well, you, I guess.”

| That disconnect you experienced was due to my altering of your memory at the moment of your passing. Think of it as my first gift of many. Death is an experience hard to move past, and we do not have much time.

“Why? Aren’t you a god?” Their eyes narrowed in apparent anger from the sarcasm I let slip. Fuck man, keep it together. “Sorry. This is just so much to take in. I can’t believe I really died. Is.. is there any way to send me back?”

| I am afraid not. Brining you here took a lot of power from me, and all I have left to spare will go towards making you fit for your new position.

“New position?” Oh my god he better not send me to slay some fucking Demon KI—

| A Demon King has risen in the lands of Glorias, and my followers need to be led onto the path of righteousness and the abomination slain. They have fallen under his wiles and I am losing abilities even as we speak. Will you help me, Brave One?

Fuck... Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. Why did I have to sit my jay down before I ran after that fuzzball? I could use some right about now. Okay, calm down Creed. There’s gotta be a way out of this.

“Is there anyone else?” I raised my hands to ward off any anger, “Not that I don’t appreciate the chance and belief in me, but I don’t think I’m the best suited for something like that.”

| Fear not, for you will be made anew. Strong enough that as you advance through the System I will bestow upon you that even a thousand Demon Kings would not be able to stand against your might. Serve me well and one day you may even stand beside me in righteousness, defying the Dark with our Light!

Their fist shook towards the heavens, and their voice crescendoed though thankfully it did not reach its prior volume. It took everything in me not to shake my own head. This is the cheesiest thing I’ve ever heard, just about. Somehow I don’t think it’s going to be as easy as they say. Not like I really have a choice anyway. Actually… hmm. A thought struck me, but I put it out of my head for the moment. I needed more info before i made any hard plans.

“Glorious Morah, would my savior be so kind as to answer a few questions from this lowly one?”

| I could deign to do so, I suppose. You are to be my Champion, after all.

“I will surely be facing dangers, and though I know the powers you will bestow on me will be more than I need to succeed in your will, will you be able to resurrect me again if I fail by some nefarious means?”

| It is good you asked. When I first send you below you will be weak. I cannot interfere overly much on the mortal plane due to godly restrictions.

Pfft, I bet.

| I will give you my Seal. This will contain your System, and as you grow in power I will be able to bring you back from the dead if you should fall. I will endeavor to place you in a place of peace, where you will be able to begin your journey without fear of death so soon along it. Do not tarry, however, as the fate of this world and many others rests upon your ascension.

“I would never dream to, my Lord. I will do my utmost to enact your will upon the wicked as soon as I am able. Might I entreat you for one other boon, as well?” And now to throw him off my trail, just in case he got suspicious. Though to be honest he doesn’t seem all that bright for a deity literally glowing like a sun.

| I have not much left to give, but if it is within my means, I may grant you what you ask.

“Can you give me a new self?” I asked, raising my arm and shaking the accumulated fat for emphasis. “I fear that were I to try and grow as I am I would not succeed in what is surely the most important of tasks.” My words were met with a chuckle like the rumbling of thunder.

| Ah, the vanity of mortals. I will place it along with your other boons. Go forth and become my will. Do not fail me, young one.

Yeah, definitely too good to be true. This guy’s shady AF. My thoughts were interrupted as the ‘god’ waved his arm towards me, and for a moment I knew no thought. Had no sense of self. When my mind came back, I was no longer floating in that desolate whiteness, and Morah was no longer standing before me.

I turned my head around, viewing what had to be the most idyllic meadow in existence. Every possible color of flower, and even some I had no words to describe, blanketed the ground of a perfectly circular clearing. Hedged by short squat trees placed with obvious care, I had come to in the most elaborate orchard ever. Verifying that I was not about to be eaten, I looked at my body.

Gone was the flabby, nearly atrophied self I was used to. In its place I now had a body to put Conan’s to shame. Tan and muscled beyond belief, I even stood heads taller and if the trees around me were any comparison, I was a good seven feet tall now.

My chest was exposed, though I was at least wearing a pair of thick leather breeches, topped by a sword belt containing what looked like a He-Man knock off in a scabbard to match its ostentatiousness. Thank god. I thought I was going to have to use a rock. I was admiring my new form, when I saw a glowing symbol of intercrossed stylized blades begin to etch itself into the back of my right hand. Panic struck me, as I had thought I would have more time and I quickly sprung into action.

I raised my newly gained weapon high with the same hand, angling it slightly towards the back of my head. After the deepest breath I had ever taken in my life, I focused my willpower and brought it as swiftly as I could down across my jugular, nearly slicing my head from my shoulders. I fell to my knees, watching as my life’s blood burst onto the ground like I had hydraulic veins. As my consciousness faded I heard a faint | NO! In the back of my mind. I died for the second time with a smile on my face.

Take that, ya douche.