"You know what," Matt said. "I've had a pretty craptastic day so far, so if I were you, I'd piss off."

"That isn't how this works," one of the cloaked figures said as he drew a rapier and rushed up the stairs.

Matt was sick of it. Sick of this place, sick of E.M., the fantastic employer turned indentured servant manager of the new age. He was sick of everyone treating him like he didn't matter. He launched into a full chop. The rogue took the axe through the top of the skull, blood exploding out over the stairs as the player crumpled to the ground.

You have defeated Hired Rogue. Would you like to loot Hired Rogue?

Matt ignored the message and started for the second attacker who was already charging up the stairs. "It's over, Shadowfingers 9,000, I have the high ground!" Matt shouted as he stepped down a few steps and kicked the next attacker in the face before chopping him in the chest.

You have defeated Hired Rogue. Would you like to loot Hired Rogue?

The third cloaked figure rushed up and slashed at Matt with a dagger. The blade sliced a shallow line across his thigh a few inches above the knee, causing a burning pain that pulsed around the wound. Matt snarled and kicked the third rogue in the shoulder, then came down with the butt of the axe in a two-handed blow to the third attacker's face. The man's nose splatted and the third attacker fell over the rail and landed on his head on the hard floor below. A flashing HP bar dropped to just a sliver, and the attacker groaned and struggled to push up to his feet.

The fourth and fifth rogues each pulled hand crossbows and aimed them. Matt managed to block the first shot with his oversized axe blade, but the second caught him in the shoulder. The pain ripped through him for a moment as his HP bar flashed and dropped.

Not eager to be shot again, Matt changed tactics. He heaved his axe down at the two while they reloaded. The axe blade bit into the fourth man's neck, nearly severing his head from his body and knocking him into the fifth. The fifth man fired his hand crossbow and the quarrel went wide, sticking into the wall. Matt reached down and picked up the first attacker he'd killed, then turned and heaved the body at his enemies. He was more than a little pleased to see the body crash into the group and take the rest of the hired blades down. They all bounced and thumped down the steps. Matt smiled, then realized he didn't have a weapon. He quickly rushed down the stairs, taking the rapier from the first rogue in one hand and the reloaded hand crossbow from the fourth man in his other.

He ignored the messages for the next three slain rogues and trained the hand crossbow on Shadowfingers 9,000.

"Go ahead," the thief said. "Take your best--"

Matt fired and put the quarrel straight through the thief's right eyeball before he could finish his sentence. "Don't mind if I do," Matt said. He waited for the last hired rogue to advance up the stairs. The rogue looked at the slain thief and then back up to Matt.

"Happy to work out a deal," the rogue said. "Seeing as how I am unemployed now, perhaps I could be of service to you here?"

Matt narrowed his eyes on the man while remaining aware of where the nearly dead third rogue was on the main floor below. Perhaps the game would function so simply as to allow Matt to hire these men as his own guards, but he couldn't be sure he could trust them. What was to stop them from avenging their employer the first chance they got? Still. Matt wasn't as foolish as his earlier mishaps in the orientation room would have suggested. "Sure, I'll hire both of you."

The rogues seemed pleased and put away their weapons.

You have hired 2 Hired Rogues. -20 GP.

Matt looted the other corpses, finding a total of eighty gold pieces as well as recovering some decent starting weapons. "One of you should keep watch outside," Matt said. "I am sure Shadowfingers 9,000 will return."

"Yes, milord!" said the one that had offered to work for him. The hired rogue exited and closed the door, leaving the injured hireling in the main room.

"You should eat something," Matt said, gesturing to the table.

The hired rogue nodded and moved to the chair.

Matt crept up behind the rogue as he sat eating, his HP bar pulsing and beginning to fill incrementally. When he was close enough, he plunged a dagger, taken from one of the looted rogues, into the hired rogue's neck and gave it a yank. The HP bar emptied and the body fell sidelong to the floor.

You have murdered your Hired Rogue. Loot Hired Rogue?

"Yep," Matt said. Like the others before, the body vanished and he gained the coins and weapons the hired rogue had owned. He then turned and looked at the front door. The game's messages had changed. Before when they were hired to kill him he had seen the words "defeated Hired Rogue," but now he saw "murdered" instead. Did this mean they could be trusted after all? Or would it be better to lure the other rogue inside and kill him?

Matt shrugged and reached over the dead rogue's chair to take up some of the food. He bit into bread, surprised by how real it tasted and felt in his mouth, and watched his own HP bar start to refill.

When he was fully healed, he equipped his executioner axe and exited the house. His hired rogue was standing dutifully a few yards away at the front gate. A town guard was patrolling along the road in front of the gate, and the stone fence enclosing the yard was only waist high. Matt didn't want to risk being charged with murder if he attacked his own guy again. Still, he wasn't sure he could trust him. He hopped over the fence and approached the guard as an idea came to him.

"Greetings, Master Orsbin," the guard said.

"Can I ask you something?"

The guard stopped and nodded.

"Say I wanted to hire guards for my home, where would I go?"

The guard leaned around and noted the hired rogue. "Best not to mix mercenaries and local guards, but if you insist, I can relay your request to the watch captain. She will charge two gold per day for each guard you want to assign."

Matt smiled. "Great, then hire five guards. I want one out front, one out back, and three inside."

The guard arched a brow. "Having a bit of trouble are we?"

"Thieves," Matt replied. "I'd like to ensure it doesn't happen again."

The guard nodded. "I can take payment now, or the watch captain can levy the wages from your pay at the castle."

"I'll pay the first week up front," Matt said. "Levy the rest against my wages."

"Very well," the guard said.

-70 GP. You have gained 5 Falchor guards.

"It will take me about an hour to make the necessary arrangements," the guard said.

Matt nodded and thanked the guard, then moved off toward the castle. He figured it was about time he found this queen and figured out if there was a way out of the game. With any luck, the queen would be another employee. He only made it two blocks through the cobblestone streets before he changed his mind. There, in front of a general store stood the same female rogue that he'd seen in the lobby. He rushed up to her, giving a quick wave to grab her attention. As soon as she caught sight of him she dug into her pocket and then slammed a small, round item on the ground. A flash of light blinded Matt for an instant and then a cloud of purple smoke filled the area.

He coughed a couple of times, but saw her cloak flapping behind her as she dashed around a corner.

"Hold up!" he shouted. He sprinted after her, his long legs carrying him much farther and faster than the gnome could run. She was only half way down the alley when he caught her by the shoulder and spun her around. "I just want to--"

A flash of silver came at him like lightning. A moment later his HP bar flashed and dropped by a quarter as a searing pain ripped through his abdomen.

"No, wait!" he shouted. "I just wanted to ask you a question!" The gnome struck again. This time Matt was able to partially block with his forearm, but he was rewarded with a deep gash and a drop in HP for his efforts. "No, stop, I'm an employee too!"

The gnome stopped and took a step back. "What?"

"I work for E.M. I saw you in the lobby, I just..." Matt struggled to catch his breath as he noticed the pain was still pulsing through him. "Man, that hurt a lot."

"You shouldn't be talking to me!" the gnome snapped.

"No, wait, I need your help!"

The gnome tilted her head. "You have ten seconds. I don't have much time."

"I need a way out of here," he said. "I was tricked. I didn't know that my shift was ten years long," Matt grunted as the pain finally started to subside. "Please, you gotta help me."

The gnome stared at him blankly. "Ten years?" she asked. Matt nodded. The gnome whistled through her teeth. "That's the longest shift I have ever heard someone sign up for. You must have gotten a massive bonus though right?" She started laughing.

"Screw the money, I need to know how to get out," Matt said.

"Is this a test?" the gnome asked.

Matt blinked and stood up as he tried to remember the person's name. "No, listen, you're Bethilda Hornswaggle, right? Or, at least that's the name you chose. You're a rogue and dual classed as an alchemist. I need you to help me find a way out. I was tricked into signing up for a ten year shift."

Realization dawned on her and Bethilda started laughing. "Oh man, you're the idiot that knocked himself out in the lobby aren't you?"

"No I... I mean... well, yeah I did, but--"

Bethilda shook her head. "Did you even get a bonus for signing up then? Dang, I've met some PR employees who I thought were on the dense side, but at least most of them were avid gamers and built out the world. You just... where did they even find you?"

Matt bristled and jabbed a finger in Bethilda's forehead. "Listen, they tricked me, okay? And all I want to do is get out of here. Can you help me or not?"

Bethilda stifled her chuckling and shook her head. "Not really. I'm a QA tester, and last I heard the only way out is to be removed at the end of your shift. For me that's in a few hours, but for you... it's going to be a while."

"No, that can't be right. If you're a QA tester, then surely you have to know of some bug or glitch that can get me out of here, right?"

Bethilda shook her head again and shrugged. "I just deal with lower level mechanics, like potions, spells, and AI responses." Her eyes went wide then as she looked beyond Matt.

Matt turned and saw a trio of town guards rushing in after them.

"Stop her!" one of them shouted.

"Don't let her get away!" cried another.

"I have to go," Bethilda said. She turned to run, but just then a pair of guards entered the other side of the alleyway.

"Master Orsbin, stop her!" one of them yelled.

Bethilda looked up at Matt.

"You sure you can't help me?" Matt asked.

Bethilda shook her head slowly. "No, and now you've mucked up my day's work. Because of you, I'm caught."

"Master Orsbin!" the guard shouted again.

"Well, if you can't help me, then I have to play the part like a good employee right?" Matt asked. Bethilda had barely scrunched up her brow before Matt punched her in the face, knocking her to the ground. The guards were upon them three seconds later, disarming Bethilda and removing items they said came from the general goods store nearby.

"You've done the city a great service," another guard said as they stood Bethilda up. "She didn't only rob the general goods store, she murdered the shopkeeper." The guard turned and looked at Matt and gave a stern nod. "I'll add her to the other two on the chopping block for today."

"I'll pay you back for this," Bethilda swore to Matt. As the guards dragged her away she looked over her shoulder. "Best part is, you'll never see me coming. I know your face, but I can change mine every day. I am going to make sure your ten years are hell!"

Matt sighed. "Guess I better hire more guards."