Jerald was a hero. Unfortunately, it wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. Who knew there would be bills to be being a hero? It was never in any of the stories about having to pay your crew to fight for justice and the innocent. There wasn’t anything about the scrolls and scrolls of paperwork and permits and elbow rubbing. There was nothing about the politicking and lobbying with the rich, powerful, and connected. Jerald sighed again, or should it be ‘The Herald of Justice’?

Jerald was glad that he had changed his name to The Herald of Justice just as much as it made him cringe these days… Maybe not as much as that. But at least only the people he liked or he could trust called him Jerald, everybody else called him Herald. So when he walked into a bar and his friends called him Jerald the other patrons would just think “Hey, that’s just a guy that looks like The Herald.”

“Herald! The Cult of The Beast of Yogdrysil’s Roots has attacked! You must defend the city! Come let us fight these heretics and return peace to this land!” Said a young subordinate.

The Herald looked up at his water clock, a beautiful work of wonder masterfully crafted by the dwarves. It used water to tell time! Imagine, he had heard human and elvish geniuses using the sun and shadow, but this used none of the seasons wonders, just simple water.

“You said that it was The COTBOYR right? Then come back in three twentieths of a day, I still have to finish this paperwork for payroll.” He said.

“But Herald! The Cult of The Beast of Yogdrysil’s Roots is attacking this moment! Innocents are suffering! How can you just sit there and do nothing!” Said the young sudorinate.

Jerald paused and looked at the boy, leveling his gaze on him. The man child just shivered where he was. “Are they actively using innocents right now to fuel their ritual to summon a demon?” He said, not looking away from this kid.

“Well no but, how did you know they were trying to summon a demon?” The punk said.

“Are they actively harming and or hunting innocents right this moment? Or did they just send a letter stating they were attacking?” The Herald of Paperwork said.

“N, no it was a letter… But they.” The rich kid dreamer said.

“And they probably said to show up in three days to stop them. I’ve never known COTBOYR to ever be anything but punctual with their deadlines. In fact, the only reason I’m going not in three days is because it would be more of a headache to let that leader stay out that long. He needs to go back to where he belongs. SO when I say “Come back in three twentieths of an hour” I mean to do that and reply “Yes Sir.”, Since you’re so young you can skip the salute.” Said The Herald of impending corporal punishment.

“But that’s not… You can’t… This isn’t why I joined up! You’re the hero! Your supposed to take out the bad guys with a *Bam* *Fwoosh* *Cappow*. Not, not this! Nothing like this!” Said the broken dreamer of a spoiled brat.

“Welcome to heroing one o’ one. You want my job you can have it. I didn’t think it was supposed to be like this when I first started either. But there are TEN other agencies that could take this job on this block alone. It came to me because there is no actual risk involved. And if it wasn’t because I know COTBOYR personally I would. But that’s also why I got stuck with it, and they know it… Actually this is probably a specific attack just so that I don’t file these ahead of them damn it!” The Herald of cutthroat corporate tactics.

“If it’s an attack by other heroes they don’t even deserve the [Title]! We should go seek justice and return them to the right path!” Said the incoherent broken record.

“Damn right! Why didn’t I think of it? Ugh, to be one-upped by these young little shits, I’m so pissed! Anyways, leave so I can finish this, then we beat some asses and take some names.” Said The Herald of hypocrisy bureaucracy.

The hero gathered up his team, of course it was an off day so he was just gathering the dregs of his team. That being said, it meant he had two people. One was the young subordinate he still didn’t know the name of, and the other was a young street urchin he rescued. Honestly, while the one was a pity case he was thrust with in order to receive sponsorship, the other actually had talent. He was looking forward to what the young urchin was going to become in the future. They would either be a vicious bloodthirsty general or a no-nonsense dark hero that actually made the city safer, instead of endangering it more.

“The mission.” Said the competent subordinate.

“Retrieve the COTBOYR cult leader and his cult members without harm and return them to where they belong.” Said The Herald of long workdays.

“Understood.” Said the overshadowed rising star of competence.

“Yeah, let’s do this!” Cheered the walking joke.

The hero’s team arrived at the current hideout of COTBOYR. What a surprise it was a dark and spooky cave right within LOS of the gatehouse. The Herald of impending headaches sighed.

“Alright let’s go in.” Said The Herald of exasperation.

“Understood.” Siad the walking competence.

“But what about traps?” Siad the walking incompetence.

“Then you can go first. It’s COTBOYR, can they even make traps?” Said The Herald of schadenfreude.

As it turned out, the COTBOYR could indeed make traps. Of course they were juvenile and well marked so that COTBOYR themselves didn’t run into them. But of course the living trap bait walked into every single one. Of course, The Herald of the obvious tried to point them out… at first, eventually he just tried to hold in his laughing that wouldn’t help the situation.

When they came into view of COTBOYR The Herald of uncooperative children said “Timmy, it’s time to go back home, come on now.”

“No, when I rule this city with my minion of darkness I will no longer have to spend my valuable time on weekends going to the temple, or going with my mom to shop for cloths, or doing schoolwork!” Announced Timmothy, the child of The Herald of justice’s greatest sponsor.

Jerald just looked tiredly at the summoning ritual. Really for an eight cycles old it was genius for him to be able to create a summoning ritual at his age and without a class. And the fact he did it with the spare change he got from his parents only made it that much more amazing. Of course the fact that the ‘spare change’ of his parents was enough to feed and cloth several peasants through the winter was of course something to be mentioned. But considering that peasant warlocks couldn’t even afford to use the summoning ritual until well into their carrier meant that Timmy had done the ritual at a tenth what it usually cost. Of course he had the help of his cronies, several other children that followed him around on this foolishness.

“Come on Timmy your father is waiting with a carriage. He wants you to come home now, and if you do it now he is going to take you to the snack shop.” The Harald of cajoling children said.

“Really daddy?” said Timmy, the man standing behind the three heroes nodded. “But only if my friends get some too!” Timmy countered. The man looked at The Herald of swindling children who nodded.

“Ok!” Timmy said excitedly and ran up to hug his father.

“For this I am tripling your sponsorship!” Said the husband spared from domestic violence.

“You know, that ritual is actually pretty genius. If you allowed him to actually summon a demon with it maybe it could help him.” Said The Herald of mutual winning, The husband that may not be spared from domestic violence didn’t seem to think that name was accurate.

“You can’t be serious? The demon that comes from that-” The husband that was definitely not spared from domestic violence looked disgustedly at the cheap summoning ritual. “-would be the lowest of the low. It is a summoning ritual meant to actually pay the mortal to get rid of a demon to this realm. It would be a menace!” Said the husband sentenced to the coach for the rest of his life.

“First of all, as Timmy is currently eight cycles old and demons gain more power as they age, the earlier he summons a demon, any demon, the better. Secondly, you and I know that the first summoning ritual is very important for aspiring warlocks. This is even a functioning ritual. So it is very important that he finishes it. With the proper supervision and permits of course. This will even improve his talent and future prospects for becoming a warlock on his divining ritual at ten cycles.” Said The Harold of happy endings.

The man looked at his son. A child with sparkling eyes and innocents, despite his evil nature. “Fine, but you have to help me file the permit.” Said the husband that may get lucky if he spins this right. Especially if he uses the secret weapon of the sparkling eyes of a woman’s ‘one’ true love, her spoiled brat. He got into the carriage with Timmy and all his friends.

“Yeah! The heroes of justice win again!” Said walking punchline.

The Harald of embarrassment wanted to cry. “This is why I pay her three times as much as you.” he said.

“But you pay me nothing, actually that last job you made me pay you because I wrecked that tavern when I got a little too excited on my first mission.” Said the employee that should probably start running.

“Oh, in that case I pay her unlimited amounts more then you… Wait that was you!” Said the Herald of Payroll.