Gun Elf

FIVE

Shopping Excursion

At the southern-most part of the Old Docks area, there’s a gigantic trash dump called the Grave of Wrecks. It had originally started as a place where ships that were either too old or damaged beyond repair would be abandoned by their owners. For centuries it was a well known if creepy locale in Drakhaven, and often tourists from the world over would visit to see the ancient abandoned vessels in their final resting place. Over time though, the place became less popular and soon other items began to get dumped there: wrecked cars, regular trash, obsolete air vessels, medical wastes. Even the occasional dead body was found. The Grave of Wrecks soon got a reputation for being an unseemly place, and it wasn’t long before the less savory types moved in: criminals, felons on the run; hell, there was a big bandit gang operating there at one point before Freelancers got hired to clean them out. But it wasn’t until the goblins moved in that the Grave of Wrecks became a civilized locale for the first time in centuries.

Goblins, as many of us know, live in trash heaps and refuse dumps. It was often by choice, too, as the little green people were a very hardy bunch and found many uses for the stuff that most other folk would throw away. They are a race of famous tinkerers, capable of turning piles of trash into various useful (if somewhat less than safe) gizmos. Unfortunately, the goblins’ lifestyle has earned them the derision of other races. Despite their immunity to diseases, goblins are seen by many as nothing less than dirty vermin, and were often blamed as the carrier of plagues during less enlightened times. Regardless of their hardships, (or perhaps because of them) goblin communities, whenever and wherever they spring up, remain strong and united. This was how the goblins in the Grave of Wrecks were able to kick out the criminal element and make a home for themselves there among the maze of ship and salvage.

“You always take me to the most fancy places,” Duke grumbled as he looked up at the tall spires of metal and plastic surrounding him. His skeletal horse grunted in agreement as it clomped along the metal deck they were crossing.

“Stop complaining,” Edelweiss told him as she walked through the “streets” of the Grave of Wrecks. “This place is amazing. Over a thousand years of trash transformed into a thriving city. This might be the largest goblin settlement in the world.”

“And that’s what worries me.”

“Come on, Duke. Don’t tell me you’re one of those idiots who don’t like goblins.”

The spirit snorted. “Kiddo, I don’t like anybody, goblin or otherwise. Besides, I’ve known these things for a lot longer than you’ve been alive. It may be politically correct nowadays to view ‘em as nothing more than poor oppressed folk that did nothin’ wrong, but like I said. I’m older than most things alive nowadays. I know how ugly history is and can be.”

Edelweiss looked up at him. “Oh? And how ugly is the goblins’ history?”

“Well, let’s just say that these poor little oppressed people like to do some oppressing of their own. They’ve been known to bind spirits to their service, without said spirits’ consent.”

The elf frowned. “You mean slavery?”

Duke chuckled. “No. Slaves can escape, hell, some are even known to be freed. But spirit contracts, like my own with you, are for life. And goblins live for a long time; maybe not as long as you elves do, but three to four centuries ain’t nothin’ to sneeze at. That’s a long, long time to serve somebody you never, ever wanted to be with in the first place.”

“I see,” Edelweiss said, her cheer at exploring the goblin settlement somewhat dashed.

“Look, I ain’t trying to rain on your parade or anything,” Duke said. “I just want you to be careful. Not all of these goblin folk are gonna be slavin’ assholes with skeletons in their closets; hell, most of them probably aren’t. But some WILL be, and I don’t want you so starry-eyed that you forget that these green skins are people, and like all people, they can be dangerous.”

“Noted.” Edelweiss smiled. “You know, you can be quite the mother hen at times.”

Duke rolled his eyes. “Don’t you even get me started on chickens.”

*******

The Grave of Wrecks was unlike any place Edelweiss had ever been in. As she and Duke journeyed further into the trash dump, the ramshackle piles of scrap and garbage began to take shape. Buildings constructed out of tin and refuse started springing up, most of them residential though a few were shops that advertised their wares with brightly painted signs and short running holographic adverts. The walkways also became wider, allowing both foot and vehicle traffic, both of which the two saw extensively. There were perhaps thousands of goblins running about, most on foot but there were plenty driving small, repurposed cars built from various spare parts. The Grave looked much more like a city now than the refuse pit its exterior made it out to be.

The goblins running about pretty much ignored Edelweiss. There were a few curious looks, but that was the extent of the attention payed to the elf. The goblins around her seemed much more interested in getting to their destinations than anything else. None stopped or stood around the walkways for too long; everyone seemed to have some place to get to. Lollygagging didn’t seem to be a goblin trait.

“Do you even have an idea of where your going?” Duke asked. He was invisible for the moment due to the sheer number of the traffic around them.

“I have a general idea, yes,” Edelweiss said. “It shouldn’t be too far off, at least according to the netsite I read through earlier.”

One goblin passer-by looked up at her seemingly talking to herself. He just shook his head and continued on, no doubt believing the elf to be mentally ill in some way.

Edelweiss continued through the heavily crowded walkways, sometimes dodging a goblin who was swiftly making his way through the throng in the other direction. There were numerous shops selling shoes, clothing, liquor, and other goods along with carts and stalls that sold street foods whose aromas filled the air with spice.

Following the directions that she had gotten off the netsite, Edelweiss diverted herself through the mass of goblins and into a barely-lit side street, almost getting run over by a speeding three-wheeled cycle. Thankfully, the side street was much less traveled than the main thoroughfare, with only a few goblins on foot traversing it and no vehicles in sight. Edelweiss continued down the dark walkway which led to a set of rusty stairs that led upwards and over a massive black iron wall.

Edelweiss tested the first few steps and found to her surprise that they were very solid. Despite the stair case’s fragile appearance, it appeared to be securely bolted into the side of the metal wall. The steps seemed capable of holding up to five times her own weight. Happy to see that she wouldn’t be falling to her death anytime soon, Edelweiss climbed up the stairs.

The climb upwards was much better lit than the side street she had taken here, as every twelve steps or so a makeshift lamp of some sort was bolted into the wall. The devices were all makeshift constructions made of various items such as old milk cartons and slightly cracked glass mason jars, but they seemed well-built and lit the way up the stairs as they were supposed to. Edelweiss looked over the railing of the stairs and saw the busy intersections of the Grave’s numerous streets, each of which cut through the debris and ramshackle dwellings of its inhabitants. In the distance, she could see the shadows of the many wrecked ships that gave the place its name. Several of the ancient vessels had lights shining through their windows, indicating that they were occupied.

Upon reaching the top of the stairs, Edelweiss was startled to see a conning tower sticking up from the long flight deck they had just stepped onto. It was then that she realized that the bleak metal wall she had been climbing had actually been the side of a gigantic old aircraft carrier. From the state of the wreck and its overall design, she was able to date the vessel as being three to four hundred years old. It was amazing that it was still in such good shape.

“Not what you were expecting?” Duke asked, noticing the elf’s slack-jawed expression.

“No,” Edelweiss said. “The netsite said that the shop was located on the wreck of an old boat, but this is definitely not the kind of boat that I had in mind.”

Atop the flight deck where they stood were mounds and piles of refuse and junk. Stacked up framework of old cars, a messy pile of indescribable spare parts, a wall of tires, and even the remains of bygone fighter jets were all around them. And just to the left of the staircase that had led them up there was a brightly lit holographic sign.

Fragxxit’s Treasury! Get your hard to find materials here!

“Treasure huh? Must be of the ‘one man’s, other man’s’ variety,” Duke stated.

Edelweiss ignored him and continued forwards further onto the flight deck. She was just passing a pile of scrap iron when a voice called out to her.

“Oh, a customer! Lucky me, lucky me! Customer, customer!” A short, squat, and green form pulled itself out of a mountain of rubber tires. The figure turned out to be a goblin, and an old one at that if his paling green skin and tufts of white hair were anything to go by. He was dressed in a dirty blue coveralls which were stained beyond hope of cleaning. Atop his graying head was a cap which had the symbol of the Pfeil Imperial Navy on it. Edelweiss idly wondered if the goblin had once served in said navy. Although it wasn’t unheard of for goblins to enlist in the military, it was still quite a rare occurrence.

“Welcome, dear customer! Welcome!” The goblin said as it rushed towards Edelweiss, almost tripping when he stopped in front of her. “The name’s Fragxxit, and welcomes to my treasure house!” It was then that the goblin noticed the sharp tips of her ears, which were sticking out of the long blond strands of her hair. “Ah! I beg for a million pardons, My Lady! I wasn’t awares that I would be meeting with nobility this evening!” He began a desperate series of bows, attempting to placate Edelweiss for some imagined sin.

“Please, stop that,” she told him. “I may be an elf, but I’m not nobility.”

Fragxxit looked up from his stooped over stance. “You ain’t?”

Edelweiss gave him a reassuring smile. “Nope. I’m just a person, like you.”

“Oh. Phew!” The goblin stood up straighter and began to rub at the sweat on his brow. “Thoughts I was dead meat theres for a second, ha ha. But silly me, what noble would stoop so low as to come to this dump in the first place! Heh heh heh. Well, now that that’s settled, why don’t we do some business?” Fragxxit began to walk deeper into the maze of trash that covered most of the flight deck, signaling for Edelweiss to walk with him. “Come along, come along! Let’s talk the moneys and exchanges in a more comfortable environment!”

He led her across the flight deck and to the conning tower. There he pulled open the door and led her down a hatch to a cozy meeting area. The room looked to have once been a storage area on the aircraft carrier before Fragxxit had converted it. Now there were slightly worn rugs covering the cold steel floors, and a snug sofa and chair sat at the center of the room. Old paintings hung on the walls, which were painted a calming blue which differentiated it from the other compartments on the ship, most of which still had the drab gray coloring. Electric lights lit up the room, with aging incandescent bulbs bathing the scene in golden light.

“Please, sit! Sit!” the goblin insisted.

Edelweiss did so, taking a seat on the couch. It was lumpy but serviceable.

“Would you like a drink?” Fragxxit asked. “I can brew up some honey tea.”

“No thank you,” she said.

“Well, straight to business then.” The goblin hopped up onto the seat next to the couch and made himself comfortable. “Whats can this humble procurer of treasures do for ya?”

“I’ll need reloading tools for a .44 caliber firearm,” Edelweiss said. “Molds, press, dies, whatever you can get me. I had to leave my former residence quickly, and was unable to pack my previous set.”

“Firearm you say?” The goblin began to rub his chin. “Why, that’s a word I haven’t heard in quite some time. May I sees it?”

She hesitated for a slight moment before reaching behind her and sliding the gun from its holster. She knew Duke would reprimand her later for this, but the old man seemed harmless enough.

Edelweiss activated the loading latch, causing the top of the frame to break open and expose the cylinder. The gun auto-ejected her ammunition, and in a remarkable display of speed and precision, she was able to snatch all of the cartridges out of the air before they hit the floor. Fragxxit whistled, impressed at both the gun and the elf’s graceful display. The elf shut the latch, then handed the empty firearm over to the goblin.

“I’m a bit old school in my choice for personal protection,” Edelweiss said with a wan smile.

“Amazing,” Fragxxit whispered as he examined the antique weapon. It was lighter than it looked, and was long and smooth, with the barrel just under six inches. Like some luxury aircar, it was all sleek lines and gentle curves, from its adjustable sights all the way to its unfluted cylinder. The black oak hand grips complemented the gun’s almost reflective nickel finish. “What’s its name?”

Edelweiss’ eyes widened in surprise. She was amazed that this old goblin knew about the gunmen’s tradition of naming their weapons. She herself only knew because she had been married to one.

“Riflebird,” she told him. The firearm seemed to reflect the light in the room just a bit brighter upon hearing its name.

“Ah, well, nice to meets you, Riflebird,” Fragxxit said with a smirk. “A fine name for a fine weapon. You’ve taken very good cares of it, my dear. It is a beauty. Probably two hundred years old, ya gives or takes, and still looks fresh outta the factory.” The old goblin turned the gun over and saw a small, stylized “E” engraved on the underside of the barrel. “Oh my! This is a Nora Eastwood original!” He turned his wide, shocked eyes towards Edelweiss. “I don’t suppose…”

“It’s not for sale,” she answered, her hand held out to take the weapon back.

“I see,” the old goblin sighed sadly as he returned the weapon. “Anyways, let’s get back to what you needs.” He pulled out a pen and notepad from his pocket and began to jot down a list.

Edelweiss reloaded the revolver, then replaced it in its holster. “Do you think you might have what I need?”

“Well, if you went to anyone else they’d probably tell yas, ‘no,’” Fragxxit grinned. “But luckily you came to my place! We’s be sitting on a 300 year olds military vessel. When they dumped this giant hunk of iron, they left most o’ their non-essential equipment behind. We mights just have what ya need!” He pulled out an old-fashioned walkie-talkie from another pocket and activated it. “Baby, can you hear me? Over.” There was no answer. “Baby! Answer me, dangs it! This is important! Over.”

After a few seconds, a shrill wave of static came through the device, followed by an even shriller voice. “Gods dammit, I’m here! I’m here! Over!”

“Gets to Oh-One now, ya lazy little goon! Over.”

“Shove it up your ass, I’m on my way. Over.”

After the strange exchange, Fragxxit turned back to Edelweiss and gave her an apologetic smile. “Sorry bouts that. My assistant’s… a bit unruly.”

It was then that the door burst open and what Edelweiss thought to be a rather tall goblin entered the room. Upon closer scrutiny, she saw that it wasn’t a goblin at all but a human child of about nine or ten years. She was dressed in the same greasy coveralls Fragxxit was, only hers were several sizes larger and hardly fit her. Atop her scruffy blond hair was a leather cap that had several holes in it.

“Whatta ya want, ya old shit?” the little girl asked Fragxxit, her dirt-stained face frowning. She spotted Edelweiss and her frown deepened. “Who’s this cocksucker?”

Fragxxit’s face paled. He quickly snatched up a pointing stick that was laying against the chair and thwapped the girl on her head. “Dangs it, Baby! You’re talking to a customer!”

“Ow! That motherfucking hurt!” Baby began rubbing her smarting skull.

Edelweiss watched the exchange with equal parts amusement and horrified fascination. “My, what a charming child,” she stated flatly. Frankly, she was amazed she was able to say those words without scrunching up her face.

“Please excuse Baby here,” Fragxxit said. “I founds her out in the woods when she was just a wee babe, abandoned you see. She was still a bit feral when I tooks her in. I trieds to raise her right, but it’s been difficult.”

“No need,” Edelweiss told him. “I’m quite used to… eccentric characters.”

“Bitch, what did you just call me?” shrieked Baby.

“Eccentric means ‘strange’ or ‘peculiar,’” Fragxxit said with a sigh.

“Oh,” Baby scratched her cheek. “Carry on.”

The goblin rolled his eyes, then decided to get the meeting over with before the girl said anything else that could endanger the sale. “I needs ya to find these,” he passed over the list to Baby. “Check the machining shops and the munitions assembly line. There should be something we can use there.”

The child let out a loud sigh of infinite annoyance as she read through the list. “Damn it, some of this stuff is rare as unicorn shit! It’s gonna take me all fucking night to find these!”

Fragxxit eyed her steadily. “Then ya better get started on it right aways, shouldn’t ya?”

“Fuck!” Baby’s shoulders slumped as she turned away, then stomped her boots all the way out of the room.

“Oi, sometimes I thinks that girl will be the ends of me,” the goblin muttered.

“It must be hard,” Edelweiss said. “Taking care of her on your own.”

“Sometimes,” Fragxxit sighed. “Don’t gets me wrong, that little brat can be quites the headache. But it’s nice havin’ her around, ya know? Takin’ cares of the kid gives me a reason to get ups in the mornin. I dunno what I’d do withouts ‘er. To be honest, I thinks she’s the real treasure of Fragxxit’s Treasury.”

Edelweiss nodded. She couldn’t truly sympathize with the old goblin’s situation, as she had never and would never have any children of her own. But she did understand what he meant. To care for and protect someone that you love. Her memory brought up the image of a young boy, his long strands of brown hair hanging down, its shade making it almost as red as the sunset.

“Thank you,” she told the goblin. “What you said. It was very-”

“Gaaaaaaaaay.” Both of their heads turned towards the door to see Baby sticking her head through the entrance. “Holy fuck, old man. That had to be the corniest shit I’ve ever heard!”

“Damn it, Baby!” Fragxxit picked up a book from the end table and hurled it towards the door. “Gets back to work!”

Baby dodged the flying tome and scampered away, giggling merrily all the while.

“Argh, that little brat! I’m gonna cuts her aethernet access for a week!”

Edelweiss watched the scene and chuckled softly. Regardless of whether or not they had all the goods she was looking for, this trip was worth it for the entertainment value alone.

*****

A few hours later found Edelweiss on the streets of the Old Docks, driving back home in her cherry red sports car. She had a fresh invoice in her pocket and was 800 bits lighter. She also had Fragxxit’s assurance that they would deliver everything she wanted to her address within two days’ time.

“Well, that was certainly the adventure,” Duke said, his human form visible and sitting in the passenger’s seat. He tipped his hat lower over his eyes then crossed his arms as he leaned back in the seat. “I guess you can cross ‘visit a goblin hovel’ off of your bucket list.”

Edelweiss rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t that bad. Don’t tell me you weren’t impressed by the Grave at all.”

“Oh, I was. Especially with all the surveillance equipment and hidden fortifications that place had. Every narrow street and walkway had cameras watching.”

“I guess they take their security very seriously,” Edelweiss said.

“Yeah, very seriously. Like, Police State, seriously.” Duke frowned, a beefy hand going up to rub at the stubble on his chin. “You’re lucky they let you outta that place alive. I doubt that your pea shooter over there has enough bullets to put down all those goblins.”

“Whatever. You know as well as I do that we don’t deal in what-ifs, Duke. What’s done is done, okay?”

“Right.”

“Regardless,” Edelweiss gave him a smile. “I appreciate the concern. Thanks for watching my back.”

Duke snorted. “You’re such a softie, kid. I honestly don’t know why I put up with your mushy ramblings.”

“Well that’s an easy answer,” Edelweiss said. “Because we’re friends.”

The spirit laughed. “Friends, huh? Well, ain’t that something. A dämon from the Third Choir friends with a disgraced high elf descended from one of the original branches. The gods must be laughing at their altars.”

Edelweiss laughed with them.