The local media eventually got wind of a fresh, tragic story. Soon, several news vans parked nearby, using the crowd of waiting families as a backdrop to their report. Thankfully the military liaison stepped in and made them keep a respectable distance away.

Some of the families made noises about wishing they were waiting for news directly on the base, but with the recent high security upgrades no civilians were let in. Not even family members.

I didn’t mind. I wanted to be outside even if it was cold. It felt like if I was next to the ocean, I still had a connection to Dad.

“Astrid!”

Hearing someone call my name, I glanced around. Shane stood at the temporary barrier that had been erected to keep the general public from waiting families.

It was as if a warm breeze blew through me, lifting my heart and easing my anxiety. Breaking off from Asher, I went over to him.

“What are you doing here?”

He held out his hand across the barrier. I slipped mine into his and he pulled me forward, our fingers folding into one another. He was so warm.

“Jessi saw you on the news—you were in a camera shot, and she called me.” He looked intently at me. “Are you okay?”

I let out a sound that was close to a sob. “How can I be okay?”

“I’m sorry.” He shook his head. “That was a dumb question. Do you need anything?”

His care and sadness for my wellbeing had more of an impact on me than Connor’s had. I don’t know what expression he saw on my face, but he pulled me into a hug made awkward by the security barrier between us. I didn’t care. He smelled warm, with the barest hint of coffee and spice, as if he had recently been at a place where someone was baking. He smelled like home.

“Who is this?” Asher wondered, coming up from behind.

I closed my eyes and silently cursed. Why couldn’t the universe let me pretend to have Shane? Just for one minute?

Sighing, I pulled away, dropping Shane’s grip, and blanked my expression the best I could so that my twin couldn’t see how annoyed I was. “Asher, this is Shane. He…he saved my life at the Monterey Aquarium.” I knew Connor had told Asher the bare bones of what had happened.

“You’re the guy, huh?” Was it my imagination, or did Asher put weight to those words? He looked Shane over. “I know you. We had Mrs. Donnovan’s calculus class together, right?”

“Yeah,” Shane agreed. “Not that she’s doing much teaching.” He looked between us. “Do you guys need anything? Want anything to eat? I brought power bars. It’s not much, but…”

I shook my head. My stomach was rolling with anxiety too much to think about eating anything.

Asher, too, declined. “I’m good.”

We said our goodbyes, and Asher and I returned to the main group.

Asher glanced at me a few times with a question in his eyes, but he didn’t ask aloud, thankfully. As raw as I felt, I didn’t think I could lie and this was not the time to open that can of worms.

Still, it was nice of Shane to come to check on me. His short visit had left me feeling better in a way that Connor’s presence hadn’t.

Not a good sign. When (not if, oh please, not if) Dad got back home, we were going to have to have a long talk about the SAFEsite.

* * *

The official word came in an hour before midnight.

I knew what had happened before the announcement was made. A group of pressed and dressed military men strode to the front in an arrow formation, muscles in their jaws so tight they could have cut glass. A low moan went up from the front of the crowd as they picked up on the mood, too. People pushed forward, but I couldn’t make my legs move.

They’d located my dad’s ship on sonar—along with another ship, which had rammed into them. Probably refugees from down south, trying to make it to shore.

There was no indication that emergency life rafts had been deployed from either vessel. All hands were considered lost aboard.

I fell into my twin’s arms, and he clung back to me so hard that his fingers left bruises. I didn’t care. I felt like we were adrift with only each other to keep us afloat.

How was I ever going to love the sea again? She had taken my dad from me. How could I ever forgive myself for the way I had spoken to him?

An older woman wailed inconsolably a few feet away. That snapped me out of my own head long enough to realize that someone else was standing by my side. The officers had come down to talk to the grieving, and one of them had zeroed in on us.

“You’re Captain Butler’s kids?” the military man asked. I was too out of it to notice his rank, other than it was high up for being so young.

I nodded shakily. Asher let go long enough to rub at his eyes—pride kept him from wanting to show that he had been crying.

“I’m so sorry for your loss,” the man said. “Do you have someone to take you home?”

I opened my mouth to tell him no. We had no one, now.

Before I could speak, Asher pushed forward. “Our aunt on our mother’s side is at the house. She has a new baby and doesn’t want to be out here.”

I smoothed out my face of expression, hoping the military man would mistake my surprise for shock. My mother’s side of the family lived on the other side of the country, and had never reached out when Mom died. What was Asher doing?

I watched, silent, as the man expressed his condolences again and assured us that someone would be in contact with our “aunt” with arrangements. Asher gave him our old landline number—I don’t think the phone was even plugged in anymore.

As soon as the man was out of hearing range, I turned to Asher. “What was that about?”

“I’ll explain later,” he said grimly.

Ohh. I was so tired of being treated like a child. And now I knew, sometimes, there was no such thing as later. I gripped his arm. “No. Explain now.”

Asher glanced around and then jerked his chin to the side. We stepped back into the shadows and left the sobbing, grieving group behind. Frankly, I wasn’t sure why I wasn’t as much of a mess as them. Maybe I was still in shock.

“We’re still minors,” Asher said. “We won’t be eighteen for a few months, and I don’t want to get stuck in some foster home until then. Do you?”

I stared at him. “Wow, Asher. I don’t care what people say. Sometimes you can be pretty smart.”

His smile was more like a grimace, before he slung his arm around me. I don’t know why it was that touch that broke me. I felt the tears rise up again and I couldn’t hold them back. Turning into him, I sobbed against my brother’s shoulder.

Luckily, Asher was strong enough to hold us both up. We were alone.

And I had no idea what to do next.

* * *

We slept in the living room that night. Me on the sofa. Asher, in the recliner. Or, at least I laid down and shut my eyes. Sleep wouldn’t come.

In the dark, Asher said, “Connor should have been here with you.”

I blamed my next words on my exhausted, grief soaked mind.

“I don’t want him to be here.”