It was April 4, 2016 when all of it started. I never would have thought that a certain rejection would change the state of our peaceful lives.

"Hiiro, I love you!"

"Yosh, this time, definitely, I'm going to do it."

Opening the door, I saw Hiiro Akira, my childhood friend, standing outside the house gate. He was probably waiting for a while.

"Good morning, Haruka. Did you sleep well?" he greeted with his usual smile.

"Good morning. Sorry, I got a little too excited that I couldn't sleep."

"Well, I think that's normal since this will be our first day of senior high, but please try to take care of your body more," Hiiro responded.

"S-sorry."

Well, there's actually a different reason why I couldn't sleep.

Afterward, we made our way towards our new school, the Fukuoka High School in Fukuoka, Japan. I was nervous. It was not the usual walk together, because, after school, I plan to confess my feelings to him.

It's already been six years since I met him.

During my elementary days, due to my father's job, I often transferred schools. Because of this, I became a loner who couldn't fit into the class. I was a shy and timid girl back then, but, Hiiro saved me. He was the very first friend that I got. He showed me the wonders of having companions. My once black and white life became full of colors. Eventually, I fell in love with him.

Reaching the school, we met a fancy looking middle-age guy. According to him, he was a butler, but something felt eerie about the man as he gave Hiiro a letter.

***

Lunch came, Hiiro and I were sitting in the cafeteria eating. As usual, the place was filled with people. Some with their friends. Some eating alone.

"Oi oi, eat your vegetables," Hiiro complained while pointing to my boxed lunch which he prepared for me. "Eating nothing but meat is bad for your health."

"S-shut up. I'm a growing girl. I only need meat in my life."

"Oh really?" Hiiro said, frowning as he put his right hand in his face. "Next time I cook your boxed lunch I'm going to only use vegetables."

"Please, have mercy on me."

A few minutes later, we finished eating. It was delicious as always.

"Haruka, go back to the classroom first. I'm going to meet someone," Hiiro said.

"O-okay."

However, I didn't do what he told me. I followed him.

"As a childhood friend, there's no way I'm missing this. This is the first day of school and you're already meeting with an unknown person. It's my job to make sure this person won't bring you trouble."

Behind the school building, Hiiro was standing waiting for that someone. Meanwhile, I was hiding at a distance but not so far away that I couldn't hear him speak. I was nervous while looking at him. It was not the first time some unknown person gave a letter to Hiiro. Usually, those letters were some sort of recruitment to something, because people treated Hiiro as a genius. But the nervousness was not because of that. In some cases, those letters were love letters coming from girls who wanted to confess to him. Although Hiiro usually turned them down it was still nerve-racking.

"Please, don't be a confession," I pleaded as I clasped my hands tight.

A few minutes later, a girl whose beauty was comparable to a princess stepped in fidgety and blushing.

"That girl. She looks familiar."

Sakura Nakahara, the daughter of the school's chairman and also one of the richest students in the area. Her family owned a lot of big companies. Their annual incomes amount to millions or possibly billions. Her great-grandfather was also the school's founder. Compared to me, I was just a pebble. My parents were not that rich, but we can't categorize ourselves as poor either. We were somewhere around the middle.

"That expression of her, don't tell me she's going to..."

No.

"Hello, you said in a letter that there's something you want to tell me," Hiiro spoke in a polite tone.

"Y-yes. It's just that, I just want to tell you my feelings," Sakura stuttered.

Please, don't

"T-this is really hard for me to say since it's my first time," Sakura added. "B-but, I still need to say it."

Please... Don't say it.

"Hiiro, I love you! Please, go out with me!" Sakura shouted while bowing.

My mind went blank. The sounds around me seemed to fade into a ceaseless roar. I ran away towards the female restroom while trying to hide the tears in my eyes.

"This is so unfair," I cried sitting in the toilet. "There's no way I can win against her. She's beautiful. She's rich. She's smart. She's the perfect girlfriend. This is so unfair."

Shutting myself for two hours inside the comfort room cubicle, I missed two classes in the afternoon.

***

After class, Hiiro went to our room and talked to me. A worried look marred his face.

"Are you okay? Are you sick?" Hiiro asked, restless. "I heard you missed two of your classes. Is something wrong?"

"I... I'm okay. Remember when I said I couldn't sleep well last night? I just felt a little tired so I rested for a bit."

"Are you sure?" Hiiro replied.

"Yes. Don't worry... By the way, Hiiro. Congratulations on having a cute girlfriend," I said while showing a forced smile.

"Y-you were listening!?" Hiiro was startled.

"Yes, I was. Congrats. Sakura is cute and smart and---"

"I rejected her," Hiiro interrupted.

There was a bit of silence before I could reply.

"Huh? Why would you reject a perfect girl like her!?"

Even though I looked angry, deep inside, I was actually happy.

"Well, it turns out that she only liked me because I was a genius," Hiiro replied.

I see. It's because of that. She's just a girl who only looks at the outside of people.

People always call Hiiro a genius. He has good grades, athletic and sociable. But in reality, he's not. He's just a hard worker. A very hard worker. All of his grades and his athletic abilities are just built from years of hard work. He just wants to make his parents proud of him. This is also one of the reasons why I fell in love with him.

"I see. Too bad. I guess you're going to stay single your whole life," I teased him while laughing.

Guess my confession's still going to happen.

"S-shut up," Hiiro responded, blushing. "Even I have someone I like."

Hearing that, I was dumbfounded for a second.

"Heh... I wonder who it is."

"S-shut up. I won't tell you," Hiiro replied. "Anyway, I'm going to talk to the teacher regarding clubs so I will be late. Can you wait for me outside the school?"

"O-okay"

I see. I guess I still lost the war.

Waiting for Hiiro outside the school, a girl with the butler this morning suddenly walked towards me.

"Hello there, friend of Hiiro," the girl talked. It was Sakura. Her mood was somewhat not good with the evidence of her angry and annoyed aura.

"H-hello."

Waah. Her beauty's so blinding. I wonder who the girl Hiiro likes. She's probably prettier than her.

"D-do you want something from me?"

Talking to her is really hard.

"I have a request, you see," she replied. "I want to make Hiiro's life a living hell---"

However, before she could finish her sentence, I interrupted her with a strong slap to her face.

"There's no way I'll betray Hiiro, you bitch. If you don't have anything to say anymore, then scram!"

"Wow. I did not expect that slap," Sakura replied looking angry. "You are really different from your father, Tatsumi Nishizawa."

"H-how do know the name of my father!?"

"Hoh. Now I got your attention," Sakura responded. "He is actually working in one of our companies you see." Suddenly, she walked towards me and looked me in the eyes. "I heard your father is working very hard because your mother is in a hospital with a deadly disease. Now I wonder what would happen if we suddenly fire him."

"P-please, don't."

"Now listen to me you little insect," Sakura snarled. "With my family connections, not only we can fire your father, but we can also make sure that no one will accept him again in any work. So if you do not want that, then follow my orders," Sakura said while pointing her fingers to my chest. "Are we clear?"

"Y-yes."

***

Three days later, I was waiting for Hiiro behind the school. Suddenly, I was attacked by seven students. Seeing that, Hiiro rushed to my side while punching two of them. However, the other five quickly surrounded us.

A fight ensued.

The obvious choice would've been to grab me and escape. However, every time Hiiro put someone down, the others would quickly surround us while the others got up. Hiiro had no choice but to fight. I already knew that Hiiro would win because in middle school he was actually the founder and captain of the Kali Club. However, that was exactly what Sakura wants. But I couldn't stop him. Sakura's threat was holding me by the neck.

That day, those seven students were hospitalized... And Hiiro, he was suspended for a month.

Going home, I never stopped apologizing to him.

***

The day Hiiro came back was also the start of his worst nightmare.

The story that I was attacked by seven students and saved by him never happened. It was reversed. The last month that he was not here, that was the story the people believed.

He was not the savior.

He became the attacker.

He tried explaining but they never believed him. "Liar... Molester... Attacking someone just because they rejected you..." Those were the words that came from the people's mouth.

After class, I went to Hiiro and I told him everything. The attack on me was a setup. During the time he was suspended, Sakura spread false rumours with me lying to strengthen it; I was blackmailed to do it.

"I'm sorry, Hiiro. I'm sorry," I cried while kneeling in front of him.

"It's okay, Haruka. It's not your fault. The news will die down soon anyway," he replied, as he hugged me.

But it didn't. Instead, he was subjected to bullying from our previous 'friends'.

It started with name-calling...

...Then having his desk written with insults...

...And then, the missing shoes and gym clothes.

It finally reached the point where people were physically harming him. I know he could win if he fought back, but being suspended twice was out of the question. Even worse, the rumors would be solidified if he did that. He had to endure it because he didn't want to let his parents down.

It was a month of torture. But, that one month was too long for me. I just couldn't take it anymore.

"Stop it already!!!"

And then I confessed the wrongdoings of Sakura. I shouted until I couldn't shout anymore. I just wanted one thing: to fix the things I destroyed.

But...

They never believed me. Instead, they started bullying me too. Naturally, Hiiro protected me, however, there were times where he couldn't be with me. There's also the fact that we're in a different class.

Across those bullying, I noticed something. The more people bully me, the less they bully Hiiro. That why on the next time Hiiro saved me, I shouted at him.

"Stop doing this already!!!"

I'm sorry.

"Don't you realized you're only making things worse?"

I'm sorry.

"Everything is all your fault!!!"

I'm sorry.

"If you didn't reject Sakura, none of this would've happened."

I'm sorry.

"Don't ever talk to me again!!!"

I'm sorry, Hiiro. I didn't mean it. I just want to protect you.

That's right. I just have to take all of the bullies' attention to me. That way, they would stop hurting Hiiro. It's okay if I'm the only one who gets hurts. Because this is all my fault. Because I made this happen. I'm already used to this. I can endure this by myself.

However, I was wrong.

On the day of my confession, my father got fired from work. He tried and tried, but no one ever hired him again. They were afraid. They were afraid of what the Nakahara Company, the largest company in the area, would do.

And eventually, on July, 8 2016, my mother died.

It was traumatic. Losing someone I loved so much. But, the nightmare doesn't end there.

Because of my mother's death, my father, he became a drunkard. He drank and drank until he couldn't think straight. Then, he would beat me up, saying "It was your fault!" and "You should be the one who died instead!"

"Ha... Ha... Ha... HAHAHAHA! I can't take this anymore."

There's no way I can take that. My father, whom I Idolized since I was young. My Hero beating me while saying those things to me.

"There's no way I can take this."

***

It was the 11th of August 2016 when I had decided to end everything.

"Stop!!!" Hiiro shouted. "Stop!!!"

I was standing at the edge of our school building's rooftop. The wind was chilling. The coldness trickling at the pores of my skin.

"Stop!!! Haruka, Stop!!!"

It was Hiiro.

"Hiiro?" I cried looking at him. "Why? You should hate me now. Everything is all my fault. Everything is because of me. I even pushed you even though you just want to help me. Why? Just why do you care for me despite all of that?"

"There's no way I would hate you!" Hiiro replied.

"Why?! Tell me why?!"

"Because I love you!" Hiiro shouted. "There's no way I would hate someone I love!"

"Hiiro..." Looking at him, I was still crying. It was the happiest moment of my life since that nightmare.

"I..."

Me too...

Because I love it when I got low on the exams, you never told me that I'm stupid but instead you offered to teach me yourself because you know I couldn't study well due to my club activities.

But I can't say it.

"I..."

I love how even though I always complain about the vegetables in my lunch boxes, you're still cooking for me because you know my parents are too busy and I don't know how to cook.

But I can't say it.

"I..."

I love the times when I'm having a bad day and I want to shout all of my problems, you're always there to listen to me attentively without any complaints.

But I can't say it.

"I..."

I love your soft whispers, telling me "Are you okay? Don't push yourself too hard, okay?" when I'm super tired but I still show an "I'm okay façade" to everyone and you're still the first one to notice.

But I can't say it.

Yes... I can't say it.

Because I'm not worthy to be with you.

Because I don't deserve your love.

That's why.

"I'm sorry, Hiiro," I said in a sad tone as I leaped backward.

Ahhh. Now I'm starting to regret this. I shouldn't have jumped.

Because... I really want to tell you about my feelings.

"Hiiro, I love you."